Saturday, May 02, 2009

A-ha moment

Well its a new day. I have not had the best nites sleep but maybe it was a productive sleep. After my lil spazz out last nite. Something which had been in the back of my mind and i had been trying to ignore the last few weeks popped up and wouldnt budge :) I stopped taking my depression meds in febuary (ok theres a a-ha moment). Why did i stop taking them? No real reason i ran out of them and just didnt refill the script, i felt i was in control, i was doing seemed pretty grand so obviously the depression had just disappeared right? i was cured right??? WRONG i was silly to stop taking those meds. So soon as 9am arrives im ringing my doc to try and get in to see him and i am pretty sure ill walk out of his office with a script. I do have a script here for the meds but i think its best i talk to the doc and not just recommence them. So i did get on the scales this morning...and a gain of 1.2 im sitting spot on 132 kilos. When i look i havent eaten anything wrong and maybe i have even under eaten (remember the nauseas i was having? which btw im pretty sure was the milk i was having with my weetbix which i changed yesterday and had no nauseas ;)) But i have been stressing, its all been completely occupying my mind...and the mind is a powerful tool...i know i havent slept as good as normal so these stress levels and the under eating MAY have had some impact on it all. So big deal im sitting at 132 not gonna give up, im gonna get those meds and keep on doing what im doing, (And tania yes i do think WAY too much and that i was thinking so much shouldve told me several weeks ago to get back to the docs) Hopefully i get in for a appointment this morning. At this point i wont sign up for still undecided. I really need to put a lot of thought into what i need. Do i need the accountability of the overall picture which i would get with the gyms program (they weigh your body weight and body fat weekly and measurements monthly) or do i not need that and can do ww online? (im not gonna do ww it takes 2 buses to get to my local meetings plus a taxi im not the meeting "type") but i honestly think the most important thing right now is the medication. Once i have been to the docs i will go into the gym and do a workout and then off to the hilton. Wont lie last nite i was thinking im not going (whilst having my lil meltdown lol) i was cursing myself at wasting my money. But tania and tina your both right the scales arent the whole picture and i KNOW that...gawd i say that all the time.

Theres not too much else to say....i think once ive been to the docs and said out loud yeh i need the meds and get the meds filled i will feel like ive taken a step in the right direction and then will attack that damn treadmill.

Oh and Nat? Yep we have a deal ;) I will reply to your email tomorrow


Kathiej said...

Hey Kazz

I have no idea what dosage or kind of meds you were on
But what I can tell you is you should never cut your meds out cold turkey
I think you will find this is one reason your mind (decision making) has been a bit of a struggle for you .
i agree I think your dr will send you out with a script :-)
When you come off meds cold turkey you can still feel good for a little while and then go into a downward spiral very quickly as it leaves your system..not say that will happen jus want you to take care of your self till you see the dr
If he does put you back on then you can come off gently
Keep up the great work

Tania said...

For what it's worth I think you're doing the right thing by going back to the doctors and by waiting to see about what your decision will be in regards to Weight Watchers.

In all the years we've shared this weight loss i've NEVER seen you so focussed with the exercise, in the long run I believe that will have more of an impact than the food side of things.

Hope you enjoy your night.