Saturday

I just watched this weeks episode of the biggest loser US version (bet ur all in shock there !) anyway jillian (mmm) was talking to one of her players...this player is down to 177 pounds,,,toned....wins most of the challenges...has never been below the yellow line and is female...anyway they were having a heart to heart and she was saying she is scared and jillian was like...hello this is what succeeding is all about...embrace it and shes right...instead of thinking all about how i am going to fail and what i cant do...i should just be revelling in the great feeling of how good it feels to succeed. So am i succeeding? I think yes...i may not be succeeding at goal YET but each week i succeed...my body is healthier then a week ago cos of the healthy food i put into it this week...the additional exercise i did this week...no i cant run on the treadmills...and yeh im prolly slow at somethings and find some exercises hard and somethings in that gym that fiona has me do but as she pointed out the other nite...there have been many things at the gym i said "i can't" about .... yet i've done and usually done them pretty well (i think heh) and when i have done with each 6 week program i have completed i should not be just thinking...ok next program....i should be reflecting more on wow tick i succeeded at that. Mentally i am doing so much better but im still having those doubts (often as im lying in bed at nite as i try to sleep) but im really trying to focus on what she said that i cant control the others i can only control me...and she is so right...i can only control the food going in me...how hard at i work at the gym...and how positive i say...they are all things in my control. So in that sense i am feeling rather good.

Yesterday i walked into works cafeteria to get my daily tim tam LOL (they sell single biscuits and its my daily treat) anyway mel our admin head honcho was there and she was like "karyn you are losing a truckload of weight lately" mwuahahahahahhahaha ! of course my pathetic answer? "I'm trying" ... I'm not trying i am bloody doing...and the next time someone compliments me on my weight loss i am gonna say..."thanks..i know...its going great guns !"

TOM made its arrival yesterday just as expected...do i know my body or what? the very interesting things is its only 4.5 weeks since my last TOM now for someone who has PCOS this is great news...i remember at 170 kilos where i didnt have a cycle for 7 months...now im getting close to a 28 day cycle....while i dont relish it (or the mood swings) the way its behaving for me now is another indicator of how healthy i am getting.

i am going to do PT monday, tuesday and thursday this week (i had a spare session) and then when k-rudd pays me which would be nice if it was this week ill buy a 10 week PT pack. Which i am very excited about. Fiona said the other week each time you see me you get happier...and shes right each session i get some type of feedback on how im doing...each session reminds me while im not the best performer in the gym...i am markedly improved...we all have our weaks and our strengths...and if i was gonna say something i seem to be doing well at is upper body strength i notice that more each week. I notice the muscles building in my arms (and if i know you in real and i havent raved about my arms and made you feel them then your one of the lucky few LOL)

Today i am having a lovely lazy day in bed ;) I just watched biggest loser...and im about to watch Marley & me now...i also have hannah montana (haha richard wilkins said it is good !), the castle, stepbrothers, changling, get smart, 7 pounds, my best friends girl,vicky christina barcelona, sisterhood of the travelling pants 2 to watch lol so plenty of viewing...then this arvo i will go do my walk and tonite i am going out for dinner with my mum and co for dinner. Hopefully we go to the reepham and i can have the greek lamb salad which i last had on my birthday and loved !

Hope everyone has a great saturday ! Be nice to yourselves =] and dont forget to spare a thought for all those women and men who serve in our armed services and have served out country here, in other countries or in war...i know i will be ... especially thinking of my dad xox