Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Part Two !

Well gawd so damn glad i went to the gym ! Firstly i got there and did 22 minutes on that damn treadmill....just did it didnt focus on whether i'd fall or not. Then fiona came over and got me and we talked for about 15 minutes...she said she thought i was trying to self sabotage myself and she understood where i was coming from and not wanting the attention i am currently getting. As she said i cant control what others say i can only control how i react and currently i am allowing this stuff to control me and basically people will say what they will but when it comes to this stuff i need to build a bubble around me and let it bounce off me and basically my mind simply needs to catch up with my weight loss. We also decided that from now we will regularly have a session where we talk to make sure we are both on the same wavelength. She also wants me to set some 6 week goals...that are related to competencies in the gym...i have no idea what i could set as a goal apart from maybe pushups? Anyway she wants me to have a think about that. Then we actually did some exercises lol we did "planks" with a fitball...my stomach hurts right now altho TOM is due so not sure if its the that or the exercises. Then we did these exercises with a TRX..here is a pic of it cept i actually stand holding onto it and lean back and then have to pull myself up with my arms...to say it is scary is the understatement of the year...i was quite convinced it was not gonna hold my weight...but i somehow managed it...i also did lunges and sumo squats on a balance mat thing. Anyway im feeling better i was totally on track today...in the team meeting they ordered chicken, hot chips, pasta salad and coke. I had said can yas buy me a bread roll too...so just me got a bread roll...and i had a piece of chicken and ate that..much better option then those hot chips (altho they looked delish !) so a good day all round...back into it....heres to tomorrow....oh n btw i was 135.6 kilos yesterday morning and 134.3 this morning...hopefully back at 133 kilos by next monday


Tania said...

Kazz, i've just caught up with your posts of the last few days!

I've been where you are now, I can relate to everything you feel and I truly believe that it's why i'm back up over 120kgs again instead of being only grams away from double digits like I was almost 5 years ago.

The problem with excess weight is that it provides us with a big comfort zone - breaking through that is scary and tough but slowly we have to do it. You've done that in so many ways, by forcing yourself to go out more, meeting new people, going back to the gym etc etc

But your mindset needs to catch up - you talk about success like you're trying to succeed, mate, you already have succeeded - you don't lose 40 odd kilos without being successful. I think you need to give yourself credit for that and stop sometimes and reflect on how far you've come rather than always looking at how much further you have to go.

I've seen massive changes in you, the way you look, the pride you take in your appearance, your attitude and even your confidence in your abilities in what you're achieving.

All this is overwhelming to you because like you said you're not used to the attention but know that people are commenting and noticing out of admiration. You're taking control of your life and bringing out the person lying beneath the fat and she's coming out because out is where she belongs.

It will get easier Kazz, i'm always here if you ever need to talk, will get back to you soon about a date for lunch.

Shrinking Tardie said...

Yay you.

Love N