Well i feel a lil better today...amazing what a relatively decent nites sleep can do altho i did wake at 5.20am tossing and turning. I had one email last nite that really got my head a lil more fixated..and that was pretty much put the thoughts out of your head...head down bum up. By the time i had recieved that email i had already decided to rebook my appointments with fiona. And fiona last nite texted me and basically said maybe we need to talk more in our sessions to avoid this happening and for me to let her know more about what i need from her - im not sure of the answer to that as i already think shes great and so appreciatve of all she has done for me. Its not that we dont talk obviously we do...but i think cos of the type of person i am i just dont open up. Partly i think...shes there to train me in exercise and thats it...i mean we can all sit there and moan and whatever but it doesnt really get us anywhere. Anyway we are going to talk tonite...she did say she wondered if i am trying to punish myself. I also talked to the boys at lunchtime today and i was explaining that i havent been the centre of attention before ive been left to my own devices...now thats changing...whether its someone trying to pick me up as happened saturday nite...or someone saying how wonderful they think i have done or what...im just not use to it...the logical part of my brain knows that people are doing/saying is out of the goodness of their heart...but when you have pretty much been ignored....for so many years to suddenly be getting attention is uncomfortable...i actually dont know what to say....and the other thing is...i still have so far to go...there is that lil insecure part of my brain that thinks...theyre ridiculing me even tho my logical part knows theyre not and its just plain scary. Anyway i will chat to fiona tonite about it. I am nervous about tonight i feel silly for cancelling the appointments and then rebooking them in and i know fiona is prolly gonna want to discuss stuff id prolly prefer to not discuss
Our team won $50 to spend on our team meeting today so they are ordering chicken, chips, pasta salad. I will have some of the chicken with no skin but thats all.i still have about 600 calories left and im having subway for dinner so that should work out fine. My only focus today was to get thru the day under calories and do the PT session...anything else is a bonus and so far that seems to be going to plan.
Okies off i go..