Well I think my sister knows me too well ! lol
Last nite she sent me a text saying u havent updated ur journal whats wrong...i told her nothings wrong....but wasnt exactly truthful. Ever since this leigh drama i havent slept well...i think its catching up with me....i am not sitting here pining after leigh or some bullshit....quite the opposite i have concerns about my friendship with both even tho both have said that our friendships are fine. Felicity said something yesterday that suggested i persued my feelings for Leigh...hmmmm no...i didnt do that....and i think thats the thing i need to stop feeling guilty, Leigh approached me initially not the other way around. Before all this happened felicity told me her family and friends think leigh is a player....i am not sure what i think....but im certainly not thinking she is wonderful like i thought at one point...i havent correct felicity on that perception that i persued leigh....yesterday at work i was up in customer complaints and all this stuff played on my mind. Last nite i talked to a friend (Robyn) whose gone thru something similar recently....and it was good to finally have someone to talk too, but what ive realised...is while i have focused on this leigh drama i think thats just the tip...as ive mentioned before my relationship with my mum and stepdad has deteriated....its improved slightly recently....but i think that plays on my mind a lot - a lot more then ill mention....ive talked to my friend joe at work numerous times about it and ended up quite teary....also while at my sisters we did a lot of talking about stuff from our past and im glad we did cos i think it needs to be talked about without being confrontational (and as me and kerry were kids theres no confrontation between us so we can discuss it like this) i think those discussions are important for healing me...but it does also bring thoughts/memories to the front of my brain which i do think i need at times....so my brain has been feeling "busy" and it was hard to get rid of the "traffic" and just think logically. I went to the docs today....he did increase my meds by 50 mg for a few weeks...if its no better in a week i will go back....but this afternoon i feel a bit better already prolly cos ive talked about it to someone impartial. The one thing I have been proud of is with all this going on i havent resorted to emotional eating...i feel really proud about that.
I forgot to post about tuesday....weigh in time but i think most of u already know this....i lost 1.5 kilos. That takes me since december 15 ive lost 10.5 kilos (pretty awesome eh?) and for the total for this journey....30.6 kilos.... I also got thinking about goals. My ultimate goal for 2009 is to be under 100 kilos....and i DO BELIEVE its doable. So the goals are by 28/3/09 (robyns bday party) i wanna weigh 132 kilos....by the first week in july(my niece invited me back to streaky for her birthday lol) and i wanna be down to 121 kilos by then....imagine that bus trip 20 kilos lighter !
Then on tuesday me and mum went to fellinis....da da duhhhhhhhhhhhhh....well lol me and mum shared our entire meal. We had a piece of bruschetta first, followed by a wood oven pizza....they are made on a real thin pastry with no sauce it simply had tomatos, olives, pruschetta (or however u spell it) and slices of avocado and bocini cheese (i removed most of the avocado tho) so i didnt feel that was too bad a choice...no melted cheese or greasy meats etc THEN mum said lets get the dessert menu ! LOL (this was for my bday remember!) so we decided to share a strawberries and icecream....wouldnt be too bad right? WRONG it was the same thin pastry like the pizza but it had a light spread of custard with dollops of strawberry jam with strawberries around the edge...chocolate sauce dribbled over it with icing sugar with a scoop of srawberry, chocolate and vanilla icecream with shards of chocolate ! LOL i so shoulda taken a photo. It was a pure indulgence....i figure if you gonna have a treat do it in style ! lol...anyway the next day the scales were up by about a kilo...but im pretty sure thats from the pruschetta cos it was very salty and im not too concerned i counted that lunch as 15 points....and ive stayed under my points a couple of points each day since
When i went to the docs today...i was walking down the street and found a $50 note...of course i pocketed it....lol...i figure its karma...at my birthday....felicity found $60 which im convinced was mine....so i say....what goes around comes around....nice finding it on pay day tho
Okies not too much else to say .... except kerry....got your post now :)