Thursday, January 22, 2009

Been a lil slack...

Well I think my sister knows me too well ! lol

Last nite she sent me a text saying u havent updated ur journal whats wrong...i told her nothings wrong....but wasnt exactly truthful. Ever since this leigh drama i havent slept well...i think its catching up with me....i am not sitting here pining after leigh or some bullshit....quite the opposite i have concerns about my friendship with both even tho both have said that our friendships are fine. Felicity said something yesterday that suggested i persued my feelings for Leigh...hmmmm no...i didnt do that....and i think thats the thing i need to stop feeling guilty, Leigh approached me initially not the other way around. Before all this happened felicity told me her family and friends think leigh is a player....i am not sure what i think....but im certainly not thinking she is wonderful like i thought at one point...i havent correct felicity on that perception that i persued leigh....yesterday at work i was up in customer complaints and all this stuff played on my mind. Last nite i talked to a friend (Robyn) whose gone thru something similar recently....and it was good to finally have someone to talk too, but what ive while i have focused on this leigh drama i think thats just the ive mentioned before my relationship with my mum and stepdad has deteriated....its improved slightly recently....but i think that plays on my mind a lot - a lot more then ill mention....ive talked to my friend joe at work numerous times about it and ended up quite teary....also while at my sisters we did a lot of talking about stuff from our past and im glad we did cos i think it needs to be talked about without being confrontational (and as me and kerry were kids theres no confrontation between us so we can discuss it like this) i think those discussions are important for healing me...but it does also bring thoughts/memories to the front of my brain which i do think i need at my brain has been feeling "busy" and it was hard to get rid of the "traffic" and just think logically. I went to the docs today....he did increase my meds by 50 mg for a few weeks...if its no better in a week i will go back....but this afternoon i feel a bit better already prolly cos ive talked about it to someone impartial. The one thing I have been proud of is with all this going on i havent resorted to emotional eating...i feel really proud about that.

I forgot to post about tuesday....weigh in time but i think most of u already know this....i lost 1.5 kilos. That takes me since december 15 ive lost 10.5 kilos (pretty awesome eh?) and for the total for this journey....30.6 kilos.... I also got thinking about goals. My ultimate goal for 2009 is to be under 100 kilos....and i DO BELIEVE its doable. So the goals are by 28/3/09 (robyns bday party) i wanna weigh 132 the first week in july(my niece invited me back to streaky for her birthday lol) and i wanna be down to 121 kilos by then....imagine that bus trip 20 kilos lighter !

Then on tuesday me and mum went to fellinis....da da duhhhhhhhhhhhhh....well lol me and mum shared our entire meal. We had a piece of bruschetta first, followed by a wood oven pizza....they are made on a real thin pastry with no sauce it simply had tomatos, olives, pruschetta (or however u spell it) and slices of avocado and bocini cheese (i removed most of the avocado tho) so i didnt feel that was too bad a melted cheese or greasy meats etc THEN mum said lets get the dessert menu ! LOL (this was for my bday remember!) so we decided to share a strawberries and icecream....wouldnt be too bad right? WRONG it was the same thin pastry like the pizza but it had a light spread of custard with dollops of strawberry jam with strawberries around the edge...chocolate sauce dribbled over it with icing sugar with a scoop of srawberry, chocolate and vanilla icecream with shards of chocolate ! LOL i so shoulda taken a photo. It was a pure indulgence....i figure if you gonna have a treat do it in style ! lol...anyway the next day the scales were up by about a kilo...but im pretty sure thats from the pruschetta cos it was very salty and im not too concerned i counted that lunch as 15 points....and ive stayed under my points a couple of points each day since

When i went to the docs today...i was walking down the street and found a $50 note...of course i pocketed figure its my birthday....felicity found $60 which im convinced was i say....what goes around comes around....nice finding it on pay day tho

Okies not too much else to say .... except your post now :)

1 comment:

Tania said...

That's funny Kazz, I lost a $50 note just near your doctors surgery recently ... lol

I went to fellini's with a couple of friends for a birthday while I was still pregnant for my birthday! Their dessert pizzas sounded absolutely divine, but as I was pregnant I was already so full from my main meal.

Dealing with the things from your past and talking to your sister is really healthy. I'm sorry to hear that your relationship with your mum has deteriorated, I do know that feeling only too well.

As to Leigh and Felicity - give it some space mate, just take a step back from it all and see how it all plays out. You've done nothing wrong so try not to let it worry you too much - and well done on not resorting to emotional eating, you should be proud of yourself.

Congrats again on your loss - you're doing amazing things and your goals are definitely achievable.