I'm back!

Yep, yep - I am back... :)

For a while there I got tired of writing in my journal but I have really started to miss it. I make my you tube videos and i like that....but writing can be so therauputic I wanted to come back to the blog :)

So where am I? Weight loss wise i am overdue a weigh in! My guess is 133-134 kilos (eek!) Over the last few months I have had some brilliant weight loss weeks and some terrible ones...consistency is what I lack.

I have still been going to the gym and doing PT twice a week. And i have definitely made progress there with certain movements/exercises i struggled with before I am now kinda decent at :) But there has been no real progress with the weight loss? Why? That is such a good question. When I look at aspects of my life....my work life is quite settled at the moment, but earlier in the year with redundancies etc it was rather unsettled. Friendships/support network...this is a interesting one LOL. One thing I decided with coming back is I would write exactly what I was thinking in my journal. So with friends .... a number of people i was friends with the friendships have pretty much faded away....mostly cos either i felt like i was always the one doing the suggesting to get together...or when there was a get together i felt like a third wheel...there were conversations on topics that just didnt include me....so i basically made the decision to stop messaging people to catch up...if they want to catch up....at least for the first time....they can reach out to me and that hasnt happened....which I think says enough about those friendships. To be honest....I only want people in my life who truly want to be my friend and if someone doesnt want to truly be my friend then it simply is best to let things go and for life to move on for everyone. That said I do have people I would include as part of a support network...who message me to check how I am going....I have mates at work....I just dont have the thriving social life I would like ;p

A friend who messaged me this morning (and has had incredible weight loss success) commented its just one step at a time. And thats correct. I have really been in "fake it till you make it" mode but I wanna be in "im a success" mode :) So yes one meal at a time.

I think back on all the work and effort I put in to my weight loss, I am still 40 kilos down but have gained basically 50 kilos...its depressing as hell!

I want to get on top of things...get rid of the confusion. So firstly apart from aiming to do 45-60 minutes exercise 6 days a week....I am also going on the 14th to have my RMR tested, from their I will have much better information of where to sit my calories (currently they are at 2000....but im not sure if thats too low or too high)

Tomorrow morning i will weigh in - I also want to post here more consistently. I dont care if no one reads this lil journal....lol....this is what i need for ME!