I had a mild gall bladder attack...which is left me struggling to sleep at night as well as pain. Ive spent 2+ days straight in bed. Its 7pm and I am ready for sleep now!
I had a call from the gym last night....and my trainer who i had only had for a few weeks has left the gym :( So i havent been to the gym for a few weeks as I didnt feel I was in the right head space, but I am returning on april 15....so a week today! Ill do a food coaching session that night....first one...and then on thursday night I will do PT with the new trainer.
Ive spent quite a few hours watching you tube over the last few days. Its really given me the drive back. And the drive to build a strong body...not a skinny body ;)
Ive also been thinking a lot about what happened when i was at my lowest then lost the plot. And yanno there were a couple of things that I realise I need to be very aware of otherwise the same thing will happen when I get back there. The first is...I am not going to stop losing at any weight till I get to the weight i AM happy with. When I lost the weight before I got lots of comments like "you are not going to lose anymore are you?" "your face is too skinny" "you dont look healthy"
This was me when I was at my smallest. Do I look unhealthy? Nope. Do I look too skinny ? Nope? In all honesty i think i looked fanfreakingtastic....yep I still had weight to lose off my tummy and thighs...but I looked gooooooooooooooooooooood! Lesson learnt....this time I will not stop till I am at the weight i want! Till I can look at me and go..."yep i am finished" (in the weight loss department that is)
The other thing was i had a lot of people giving their opinion on whether i was going to have skin surgery. People were very pushy of what they thought I should go thru....of what pain/financial strain/recovery time I should go thru. I am not saying I wont have surgery when at goal and I am not saying I will...but you know...if someone had a big nose you wouldnt go to them telling them that they are crazy if they dont have nose job....that they are not complete if they dont have surgery. IF i have surgery....it will be my decision...I will put it out there simply for the time needed off work and the financial cost (and remembering i have no family support where i live) the chance of me having it done is very unlikely....but it will not take away from my journey....it will not take away from me living my best life....it will simply be how it is....purely a cosmetic issue....my scars which I am choosing to keep. I feel very strongly that this time i will not allow ANYONE to push me on this topic.
I am getting on track 110% as of saturday...food coaching and back to the gym on wednesday...I am so ready to do this and finish this journey once and for all.
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