Wednesday, January 04, 2012

The fact I didnt have NYE plans has played on my mind. I havent gone out on NYE for years...but i didnt actually have one invite out....in reality i shouldnt be too surprised. One of my goals 5 years ago was to have more of a social life....and if someone monitored my facebook they would think i would have plenty of friends...i get numerous messages every day but mostly they are questions relating to diet/exercise. its made me realise while i have lots of aquaintances...i do have different friends i catch up with on a semi regular basis...but no real close friends. No friends i go out with regularly...and dont get me wrong im not a huge party animal...a nite out for me is going out for dinner...or maybe to see a movie....not out at clubs or whatever. Part of the reason is i have walls up...i know i do...i keep people at a distance....i dont "chase" for friendships...i dont suggest plans or anything like that....mostly cos i dont think people would want to make plans with me....even tho people reading this prolly think "ur silly kazz" but its the way i think....even some of my friendships who are closer then others to me...i dont "believe" they honestly want to be friends with me...i think its out of sympathy...or im gonna wake up one day and realise they dont want to be my friends. I think every now and then oh i should join pink sofa....or i should go over to sydney for weight watchers meet up etc etc....but then the closer the time comes for these things....i realise i dont wanna do them....maybe its not i dont wanna...but im too scared to go thru...cos i just dont have that belief that someone would want to spend time with me...i know its not logical in some ways...but its the way my brain (maybe the 170 kilos brain ) works.

The scales were up by 100 grams this morning so back at 83.2 kilos....food was good today and i burnt 860 calories. Ran up 14 flights of stairs, did some weight stuff and then a freestyle cycle class....damn hadnt done that class in ages...killed my legs...but so far ive burnt 1764 calories so im very happy with that!! I booked in a slim session next week...mostly just to check my body fat which was 31% 3 or so months ago....so whilst im around the same weight will be interesting to see what my body fat % is :)

5 comments:

Tania @ Out Back said...

You sound like me Kazz, I keep people at a distance too, only because I have had a couple of bad experiences...I like my own company anyway, and I can spur me on all by myself lol! My family is what is important to me...

We didn't go anywhere for NYE. It is just another day in this house, and plus it was so darn hot, 44C here! I find myself dreading going out to lunch when asked as I have worked so hard to get this weight off, it is so easy to put it all back on! I have been opting for vegetarian meals or veggies instead of salad.

Pinky said...

I haven't celebrated NYE for at least 10 years - mainly because I realise I can't handle the lack of sleep the next day!
I don't have a lot of friends either and feel I need the friendship more than them as I am the one making all the contact!
I question why people don't ring me to arrange things either - but I can never work it out. One of my aims for 2012 is to work on those friendships I have and see if they are what I need and to either grow them or let them go.
Great work on the gym

Georgia said...

I think NYE is such an arbitrary celebration anyway. I have been asleep before midnight for the past four years (a trend that I intend to continue). Nonetheless, I totally understand where you're coming from. All of my friends were either away or at various parties this year...and I have to confess that it did play on my mind a bit. Well done on your exercise today - 1764 calories burnt = impressive!

20 to go! said...

Don't worry I feel the same and my acquaintences( who are size 10/12s) say the same as well. Maybe it's just human nature, but for awhile we both internally use our weight as a reason?

Penny said...

I totally understand your friendship issue. I am exactly the same, I dont chase friendships as I don't feel like I would be good company.. what can I bring to the table so to speak! I think others feel isolated in the same way, and perhaps there are thousands of like minded people thinking they aren't quite up to friendship.. think of all those friendships in waiting...