The fact I didnt have NYE plans has played on my mind. I havent gone out on NYE for years...but i didnt actually have one invite out....in reality i shouldnt be too surprised. One of my goals 5 years ago was to have more of a social life....and if someone monitored my facebook they would think i would have plenty of friends...i get numerous messages every day but mostly they are questions relating to diet/exercise. its made me realise while i have lots of aquaintances...i do have different friends i catch up with on a semi regular basis...but no real close friends. No friends i go out with regularly...and dont get me wrong im not a huge party animal...a nite out for me is going out for dinner...or maybe to see a movie....not out at clubs or whatever. Part of the reason is i have walls up...i know i do...i keep people at a distance....i dont "chase" for friendships...i dont suggest plans or anything like that....mostly cos i dont think people would want to make plans with me....even tho people reading this prolly think "ur silly kazz" but its the way i think....even some of my friendships who are closer then others to me...i dont "believe" they honestly want to be friends with me...i think its out of sympathy...or im gonna wake up one day and realise they dont want to be my friends. I think every now and then oh i should join pink sofa....or i should go over to sydney for weight watchers meet up etc etc....but then the closer the time comes for these things....i realise i dont wanna do them....maybe its not i dont wanna...but im too scared to go thru...cos i just dont have that belief that someone would want to spend time with me...i know its not logical in some ways...but its the way my brain (maybe the 170 kilos brain ) works.
The scales were up by 100 grams this morning so back at 83.2 kilos....food was good today and i burnt 860 calories. Ran up 14 flights of stairs, did some weight stuff and then a freestyle cycle class....damn hadnt done that class in ages...killed my legs...but so far ive burnt 1764 calories so im very happy with that!! I booked in a slim session next week...mostly just to check my body fat which was 31% 3 or so months ago....so whilst im around the same weight will be interesting to see what my body fat % is :)