Thursday, November 04, 2010
I gymmed it today. Firstly i did RPM...sarah (the instructor) walks in to the class and says "karyn fi told me to flog you" LOL then she says...there will be some special karyn turns today .... lol then in the class she yells out "turn your resistance up...karyn this is just for you" lmfao!! Fiona haunts me at the gym hehe ;) I then did weights with fiona...i was one buggered girl! Then me and fiona got talking...anyway i was saying how after dropping to 106.7 kilos yesterday i gained 800 grams overnight...i was also saying how sometimes i just hate weight loss and everything about it...she was saying to me that i have a addictive personality (does she know me or what?) and that im fine but when the scales turn against me my headspace just gets so bad so quickly...as we talked i was saying...i get scared if i stop losing today, tomorrow or whatever im convinced if that happens before i get to a healthy weight range i will end up back at 170 kilos. Fiona was like i dont think you will...your a different person to what you were 4 years ago...she was like your even different to the person i first met...with a different lifestyle now. she then asked me...do u ever write on your journal about these times when you struggle? And how you are really feeling? I was like no...I dont like people seeing me vulnerable like that...fiona was like maybe you should let the people around you support you occassionally...your human...you dont have to be in control all the time. She has really pinpointed something i have always done...i dont like anyone seeing me as not succeeding...or not in control...im a very independent person for me to let anyone even online see me as vulnerable well is daunting to say the least! LOL so beware in the future there may be posts where i am struggling...and may not be doing so wonderful at weight loss i may not be the inspiration that so many people seem to see me as...so theres my warning! Have a good nite all!!