Thursday, April 16, 2009

RIGHT....action jackson !

Over the last 2 weeks or so my head has played major games...i felt pressured...i was starting to feel pressured by some peoples expectations, i was putting myself under pressure by thinking im nearly under 130 i MUST go take driving lessons (something which the process scares me andthe thought of failure scares me), i MUST go take a holiday and try and fit my ass in a plane seat, why if i am nerly under 130 why am i still wearing size 26's (yes they are getting loose tho), fiona wanting me to start using the treadmill has been worrying me...what if i cant handle the incline high enuff to get my heart rate up...what if i roll my ankle...what if i fall??? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? but after giving myself a good talking too ;) what if i dont fall??? I hadnt been thinking about that...i had been purely thinking i am going to fall....what the hell? As fiona focussed, positive and as she said this week....i can do more then i not a weakling ive proven this week after week in my sessions with her...i may out of habit think i cant do this and i cant do that but in reality i CAN... i may at times be slower...or not as strong...and other times i may be strong...i mite even be fast...but i seriously have done awesome at the gym...after thinking 15 steps on a stepper would kill me 8 months ago to doing pushups on a bar...i CAN do it...when i started training with fiona i promised myself i wont say can't, no or miss sessions....and guess what? I dont do any of these things...(drives her a lil nutty sometimes i think cos i will never tell her if something hurts...i refuse to use pain as a excuse in our sessions) and yes i am getting close to being under 130....the official weigh in this morning was 133 kilos....but guess what??? its a number ! thats it....i refuse to allow that damn number negative or positive be a controlling factor on my mental state...i have been doing the whole poor pity me thing for the last few weeks and especially the last few only focus over the next few weeks is gonna be conquering that damn treadmill...i will go buy a ankle support bandage tomorrow...and saturday i will do body pump followed by a minimum of 20 minutes on the treadmill...i will go slow....but i will work on that incline with the aim getting my heart rate aroun 150 on a constant basis. Sunday i will do my 3.5km walk. My diet is going to continue as it has been with the limited process foods. I am going to skip felicitys birthday tomorrow nite...and ill see about ryans birthday saturday nite (i will prolly go to this one presuming i feel fine). Its time to take control again...enough of being pathetic kazz...time to kick some ass...

1 comment:

Shrinking Tardie said...

Go you! I wrote tonight about the same thing with the magic double digits barrier.

You and me ma dear need to show those stupid numbers who is boss!