I woke today and thought...i wanna pie...i really wanna pie...i dont go to ww so i can right? straight away i was like wholly shit ! So it took me all of about 5 minutes to decide im going back to ww. So even tho i have thrown out my weigh in book - oops ! I will be going back on monday night...(just gotta find the weigh in book) Im listening to Jillians radio show and shes talking about how u have to constantly reanalyse your plan constantly....giving myself feedback...and what ive decided...is im gonna go back to ww I plan to use the etools...but i am planning to use the forum boards on jillians site (have just resigned up with it) I am over over over the ww forums....but i am too scared to go from points to calories....it seems difficult...so im gonna take the parts of all the things i know and use it to the best of my ability.
I went to the gym this morning...had a PT session....fiona is like...what do u wanna do? im like i dont care...shes like resistance or cardio? im like i dont care...shes like which are u least likely to do on ur own? ummm cardio...ok cardio...so u wanna do boxing or (and at this time she looked over at the stair climber) im like...erm boxing pls hahhahaha ! And she killed me....my arms ached....and once again i was sweating lol
Last nite went to dinner with tania...anyway....before tania turned up i looked down at my arms....and i noticed this very slight curve where the bicep muscle is (mind u the arm is still fat) anyway i took a pic of my arm and studied it which just confirmed its fat hahah but anyway...so me and tania are at dinner...i look down still see the curve in my arm...so i proceed to tell tania...we then walked out the restuarant and walking down the street...again i mentioned my arm LOL...i was quite fascinated...lol and i cant stop looking it
Anyway...i have a lil bit of a cold...so im gonna go lay down for a bit...have a good day all
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Something from todays training session has been playing on my mind. Fiona wanted me to do these scissor jumps..so one foot in front and one foot back andu do a slight jump and swap the feet...i was like you want me to jump? shes like you dont need to take your feet off the ground much...she said hows ur foot and i came out with some rubbish about yeh its kinda been sore...for the life of me i dunno why i didnt say i dont think at my size i can jump...that my thighs would slap against themselves and hurt me...for the life of me i dont get that....so i kinda misled her and must admit i feel a lil bit disappointed in myself. I dont feel great...not just that i woke up last nite with a lil cough...i went back to sleep...i was coughing some more when i woke...i also have what feels like a tension headache...wonder why i think so bloody much? lol i know the headache is prolly cos of worrying that i kinda lied to fiona this morning. I also have been really looking at jillians site more...ive decided i am gonna start doing calories as of monday. I will go to ww and weigh in....but i am primarily gonna focus on jillians plan and really focus on those gym workouts. I think why its really bugging me about fiona....is ive never said NO to her...i mite sometimes look at her in disbelief but ive never said i can't, never said i dunno about this...never said no....she gives me something....i do it...everything she says to me i take it in....i do completely trust her and shes the first trainer i ever have...and so in a sense there is a lil disappointment there in myself.
Okies gonna go watch some more of frontline...enjoy all
2 comments:
Hey Kazz,
You've done so well! I've been lurking around for a while and reading your blog each update, so I thought I'd comment.
What you're doing is fantastic, you should know that recognising that you're in a dangerous thought pattern -- and then changing it! -- is hard to do, so congratulations!
Also, I noticed that you mentioned you listen to Jillian. In relation to the jumping: I've heard Jillian say more than once that everyone can jump (barring, you know...broken legs etc.). She's had people of 200kg doing star jumps for her.
I know this might be hard, but I hope you can recognise that this 'too big to jump' idea is just the old 'fat girl' mentality. You AREN'T, and while it feels uncomfortable, sometimes we need to step outside our comfort zone and blast away those old fears.
While I haven't commented here before (and maybe I'm overstepping!), I'll set you a challenge for when you feel ready: Go back to your trainer and tell her you want to try the jumping exercise. You'll feel awesome for it, I promise.
Well done for not having that pie. It just goes to show something has really sunk in.
And good on you for showing off those muscles!!!!
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