Week 2 weigh in

So went to weight watchers tonight and weighed in and lost 800 grams :) So since i returned 2 weeks ago have lost 3.8 kilos.

I feel like my eating is pretty good. I think now more focus needs to turn more to exercise and moving more. I think i will return to walking in my breaks at work. I get 2 x 15 minute breaks and 1 x 30 minutes break and I use to go out walking but then I stopped cos i was coming back to work a bit hot and bothered LOL. But now with tomorrow being the 1st day of autumn seems a good time to recommence that....so thats first thing. Apart from the weekends (when i am a lazy bi-atch) i generally just hit 10,000 steps a day...today im finishing at 10,357 steps. Sneaking in those smaller walks would add about a extra 5kms per day. It would be good at this point to aim for 15,000 steps a day. So I have set my goal on fitbit to 15,000 steps.

Obviously with the foxy challenge coming up I have set goals :) The first being weight related. My aim is to lose 9.6 kilos over the course of the challenge....which works out to 3.2 kilos every 4 weeks or 800 grams a week...doable altho will require hard work.

I of course need a fitness goal too. And my goal is going to be....by the last week of the challenge I want to be back in to the boxing classes. Anyone who has followed me knows I always liked boxing and was kinda good at it. The part i struggle with is the getting down on the ground to do pushups etc then jumping up to hit the bag. I struggled for that when i was 80 kilos so you can imagine how much of a struggle that is now! Starting next week ill be doing at least one PT session a week at lease for the next 6-8 weeks which will be boxing. I think this will help pick up my cardio fitness and endurance which will help me immensely.

So there you have it...to lose at least 9.6 kilos for the duration of the challenge and get as close to 109.9 kilos as possible and to start to regularly attending boxing classes.

I sat down with my calendar today and plotted in all my PT sessions, ww, seminars at the gym, classes and person workouts....lawd! Im gonna be busy....but that is a really good thing ;) I would really like to get fit enough where moving a hour a day the thought of doesnt exhaust me! LOL

4 days to go then 2 weeks off work....and tomorrow 6 days till the challenge starts....getting excited!!!!

NSV

OMG posting two days running....but I had to post this ;)

The first thing is....I went back over the total lost from my highest weight today to be over 50 kilos....so as of this morning on my scales (which we know fluctuations can occur so who knows tomorrow!) i was down to 122.9 kilos...so 50.2 kilos. So that was a bit of a #winning

But of course im not focusing so much on that total loss...but whats occurred since rejoining weight watchers.

So heres a story....on the day I rejoined ww (2 weeks tomorrow) i went to target looking for a bra about a hour before the meeting lol. So I knew I was more then a D cup and I guessed more then a size 16....so i picked up a 18DD and headed to the changeroom. I put it on and i swear to gawd i almost cried. It was so tight that the boobs were overflowing at the top of the cups and also at the sides! And I could only just hook it up on the very last hook. I refused to go get a 20E cup LOL. I thought Im joining ww...I know the first place i lose weight from is my face, bust and waist....lets get it and just work with it to the best I can LOL

So over the last week or so I noticed I could close it on NOT the last hook...i realised but didnt really think about it. Anyway im at the shops today at the checkout line....and i ran my hand across my chest (as you do!) and i realised there was no spillage of the cup area...in fact it felt like a perfect fit. I thought oh it must be a huge spillage on the side of the cups then...so very discreetly i ran my fingers on each side of the cups....omfg...no spillage! I got home...ripped off my shirt and looked in the mirror and if i do say so myself...saw what looked like a perfect fitted bra :)

I feel like a teeny tiny piece of the old me was there....just being superproud of me. Yes the weight watchers program isnt perfect...but its working for me. I feel like mentally i am looking at it correctly....i have really focussed on not being obsessive about tracking my food...i track...but im not looking at all the macros...and sodium etc....im sure ill go to that at some point but right now a relaxed non stressed approach is what I need...and regardless of what the scales do or dont say tomorrow....this appears to be working! Happy happy!!!

Week 2 | How its all going

So its saturday arvo and ive had a pretty good food week :) I have decided on something....and that is I am solely going to focus on using just my daily points and not use my weekly points.

The reason for this is i am at the very beginning of my weightloss AGAIN. There is no denying over the last couple of years my eating has been out of control with a log of bingeing type eating then restrictive cycle. So for me....the weight loss will come the BIG thing....is ending that cycle. I think it i can get to a point in 4-6 months where its been a long time since i have binged then mentally i will be healthier. I wont relate myself to bingeing and i think thats a important place for me to get to. Having once been 173 kilos...and even being the weight i am now...i am obviously a food addict....if i get better with this....then the weight loss will come....and the weightloss WILL stay.

The other thing i have noticed, thanks to being a daily weigher is that on the days i have no more then 2 pieces of bread and i stick to my daily points...the scales either move in the right direction or stay stable....soon as i eat some of my weekly points....even just 5 or 6 the weight jumps up..so thats another reason why i need to just sit at a stable amount of just my daily points.

As most know calorie cycling in the past has worked well with me and in time im sure i will do "point cycling" but i would like to wait 4-6 months before doing that. Truthfully i feel a sense of guilt when i eat a "high point" meal...or i use my weekly points....and i worry is this the moment i will go off track....so i want to remove all those thoughts....and just be consistent.

The gym is going well. My current program i am doing with my trainer there are  few exercises i dont love (okay HATE) but i know it will be worth it in the end. The foxy challenge is like 9 days away from starting...im so ready for this. One of my aims is going to be to do 45-60 minutes of walking a day. I think that would one help with the weight loss and two just help to improve my fitness levels. The first 2 weeks i am off work....so it will be the perfect time to get in walks. What i will prolly do is most days those 2 weeks i will be going to the gym late morning/lunchtime....so i will walk home most days which for me will be about a hours walk. I just checked it .... lol...its a 5km walk. I am determined to start this challenge of with a bang. I really want to focus getting into a few classes...they might take some logistics...but we will see how i go ;)

Not much else going on...wish me luck for mondays weigh in!

Update :)

So............. Im back here posting!

Let me explain a few things I felt I needed to keep to myself previously. The changing to "shrinking sapphic" was partly i needed a fresh start and partly i felt i needed to hide my identity online.

As many may or may not remember last October I got in a relationship. This relationship had a lot of bad things to it and i eventually completely ended it over a month ago. There is someone we both know (not a friend of mine but a friend of hers) who is a hacker. So about 3 weeks ago she threatened me saying i wouldnt want to be you once "insert hackers name" finishes with me. Initially i laughed it off. Then I started to get some overseas calls on my mobile. Now I am very careful about who I give my number out too...the calls were not coming from just one US number but from several numbers in different states. By ringing the numbers back I realised they were all coming thru a service called "text me US" So i downloaded the app for this service....it actually gives you "disposable numbers" so they could call from various numbers. These calls were always coming in the evenings and I got tired of constantly blocking them. Eventually last weekend I emailed the abuse section of this company and they have closed this persons account and i have heard nothing since. Im quietly confident I will hear nothing further. I knew this person knew my full name and had been told they had seen my facebook page and had been saying negative things about me (prolly about my weight) so i felt a need to "hide". Now I feel like bugger it im not gonna hide cos of these idiots. So ive gone back to using "kazzs journey"

I am now in week 2 of weight watchers. I wasnt going to post my weighins....and wont on fb/instagram etc but will here. So I initially weighed in at 128.4 kilos. Last monday I weighed in and lost 3 kilos taking me down to 125.4 kilos.

The fernwood foxy challenge starts on 7/3 and I have upped the PT sessions for that. The first 2 weeks i will do PT 4 days a week....the next 5 weeks I will be doing 3 PT sessions a week. I feel very focused and that things are on track. I have a definite goal to be under 110 kilos on my scales at home by the time of the foxy dinner which is June 11. I totally think I can do it and that will be a huge stumbling block i would get past.

Not much else going on but will be back posting in here :)

Weigh in results | The gym

So weighed in this morning and was down to 121.9 kilos....so a 1 kilo loss yay :) This takes my total loss to 51.2 kilos. I must admit while i am happy with that i am feeling kinda flat today about the whole weight loss thing. I think its just a mental thing....i stuck to this for a week why dont i feel better? LOL the whole instant gratious deal.

I noticed from the contents i got some new followers....I just wanted to say...the progress photos are from 2006-2012 where i lost 94 kilos...i then gained back 47 kilos...and back trying to lose again. I would like to lose another 50 kilos...so quite the ask :) I should prolly update the progress photos to give a "now"

I have been starving today and the cafe at work had a creamy pasta dish on offer...i so have resisted. Instead i stuck to a chicken, cheese and mayo sandwich. Its a higher calorie day today so i also had one of the packs of "tasty on the go" cheese and crackers. So i am content now.

The big think i am STILL lacking is the gym lol...im such a lazy ass...i havent been at all this week....and havent planned for it tonight and would be too late to go home and then go in. Tomorrow night tho i have a double PT session...time to get on top of that and start to be a bit committed to exercise. I really dont want to be that person who loses their weight from diet alone...i need the exercise.

The gym will prolly be announcing the foxy challenge soon (a 12 week challenge) and i will prolly do that which might help me getting into a routine with the gym (its the classes still...i feel im too "fat" and dont belong)

Okay...back to work enjoy all!

Clean out | Exercise

So the scales greeted me with 121.9 kilos this morning :) I have eaten a bit too much carbs today so i am guessing there may be a fluctuation tomorrow!

Today i had the day off and stayed home and was productive. I cleaned out kitchen cupboards....cleaned the kitchen....went thru my wardrobe. All the small clothes just take up too much room in my wardrobe and its depressing LOL...so i removed everything size 14 or smaller or a size medium or smaller. I actually found a few clothes that fit me now that i had forgotten i bought LOL. As I lose the weight this time and things get small i will be chucking them. Ill keep my largest size jeans and one top but thats it...once too big out it goes.

While my eating is going pretty good...the exercise is still lacking. I think a hour of exercise 6 days a week is where i need to be. I want my focus to be on classes and walking. So when there is no class i want to do...i think a 6km walk will be the answer. At my current weight i think walking is a good option.....and it really helped me last time in building up the amount of time i can exercise. So tomorrrow...id forgotten was a holiday as i am working....so soon as i get home tomorrow night will head out for a 6km walk....so on that note....my exercise for the rest of this week will be:

tuesday : 6km walk
wednesday : yoga
thursday : double PT
friday : 6km walk (in the morning)
saturday : rest
sunday : 6km walk

When i work 9-5pm the only classes i can make at the gym are 6.30pm classes....so some days im gonna have to suck it up and stick to a walk around my home area.

Not too much else to say....hope everyone has a good australia day...i of course will be working it! Enjoy all :)

Medication doing great things for my body :) | Goals

Yesterday i noticed i was feeling a lot calmer. It reminded me of when i have been on antidepressents except to a lesser degree. So i did some googling about it and PCOS and anxiety/depression and found people commenting they noticed a difference in their moods :)

The stomach pains i get from it have significantly reduced...i had one yesterday.

And the good news is the scales have continued to move in the right direction :) So this morning I was 122.1 kilos (for comparison sakes i was 122.9 kilos on wednesday)...so so far i am looking at close to a 1 kilo loss this week....my aim would be to hit 121.9 kilos by wednesday (as of this morning tho...i have lost 3.1 kilos in the last 2.5 weeks :))

The medication is definitely lessening my appetite and i really have no interest in certain foods (especially creamy, fatty foods) today Tania and I went down to the beach for a walk and then to brunch. So by the time we ate it was midday....all id eaten so far that day was a quest bar. We ordered our standard meal....which is 2 slices of sour dough bread, 3 eggs scrambled, 2 pieces of bacon and a grilled tomato. I normally ALWAYS finish it off and the highlight of the meal  is usually the eggs. Well i ate about 1/3 of the eggs...2 slices of bacon and one slice of toast and I had had enough and to be completely honest the thought of another spoonful of eggs was enough to make me barf...even right now....im a bit turned off by the thought of them. This is so unlike me. It makes me think....maybe this is "normal" and whatever crazy chit my hormones were doing before this medication was not normal...i mean i never thought the cravings were normal. Regardless im glad for the medication and the place i am at currently.

There is 48 weeks TODAY till xmas day. I want to aim for 95 kilos by then (a big ask but i CAN do it and have lost more then this in a year before) if i could lose a average of 600 grams a week i would reach not only 95 kilos but would put me between 93 to 94 kilos...which would be AMAZING....so basically my aim for the year is to lose at least 30.3 kilos....currently as I said....so far ive lost 3.1 kilos...10% done ;)

I absolutely refuse to get on a plane till i am 105 kilos or lighter and i need to be on a plane at the latest by december...possibly earlier....once i hit 105 i think i will do a flight....not sure where too....maybe somewhere crazy like fiji...or maybe melbourne...the place isnt the important part the getting on the plane and it not being a nitemare is!

Enjoy your day all :)

All going good :)

So the good news is i seem to be maintaining that drop on the scales from yesterday morning :) Yesterday i was 122.2 kilos and this morning 122.3 kilos so more then happy with that :) If I could lose approx 600 grams a week for the rest of the year that would put me under 95 kilos by xmas which would be AMAZING...so not expecting miracles...not being so restrictive i am tempted to give up...jus keeping going as i am and enjoying the journey :)

Today is saturday but i am working and my actual friday...another 90 minutes and 2 days off work ;) Tomorrow i am planning a sleep in....being lazy in the morning and then a big organisational and cleaning day of the house :)

Exercise for the next week is:

monday : pump and balance (45 minute class each)
tuesday : PT
wednesday : gonna get corageous and try yoga!
thursday : double PT
friday :
saturday :
sunday : 6km walk

Today is also high calorie day. So tonight i will be splashing out on a chicken kebab nom nom nom.

Not really a great loss else going on....i am super excited to sleep in tomorrow morning! Enjoy all :)

Lil update!

So the good news is the scales finally moved :) After fluctuating between 122.9 kilos and 123.3 kilos they did a sizeable drop to 122.2 kilos :) So doing the right thing and sticking to it paid off. I feel like ive finally caught up on my sleep as well...so today is a good day! And altho its friday...its NOT my friday...tomorrow is friday for me...then sunday and monday off...so ready for some time off, where I selfishly have the entire 2 days to myself i must admit being able to plan my day not worrying when the ex partner would want me to spend time with them is nice LOL (thats bad eh?)

This will be a short post...as nothing else really to say! Life is nice at the moment...I feel good...not stressed...not overly emotional or overtired which can only be good for weight loss :)

Enjoy all :)

Too much thinking

So the scales continued their merry fluctuation dance today and were back up to 123.3 kilos. I am not stressed about it tho. Firstly cos i know food wise i have been doing the right thing...ive been sticking to my calories, eating clean, drinking at least 2.2 litres of water a day. I put it down to 1 of 3 things....im retaining fluid from the heat (i think this is the most likely)...lack of sleep...or not enough exercise.

The lack of sleep and not enough exercise are tied together. I got so overtired from monday night i have skipped the gym since....but i am going back tomorrow night for body pump. But in all honesty i think its fluid retention from the heat, so i am going to continue to stick to the game plan and hopefully the scales will move soon enough.

I have also started taking diabex which my body is obviously adjusting too. The interesting thing is i am really losing interest in food...today ive not been interested in food and when i have eaten ive only wanted bland foods (like toast, bananas, oatmeal)...i had for lunch a egg and cheese salad (which i love) but couldnt stomach the thought of it...high fat food especially i have no interest in. I know tho this can be a side effect but only usually lasts a few weeks....and really...me not being interested in food is not a bad thing! LOL

One of the things that has occured to me of late...is something ive been aware of previously but maybe i am now more conscious of...and thats that i have lost confidence in my ability to lose weight. Which seems a crazy thing to say since i lost 94 kilos in the past. But what i feel is going on a plan and losing weight in "week 1" is easy...its doable....but i lose confidence doing it long term. Even tho if i do the right thing....water/food and exercise i know it will happen...but i think deep within me i doubt i can do it again. And thats the honest truth. And i think that sometimes thats why i bounce from program to program cos then i get "week 1" again...and doing week 1 is easy....its the week 2....week 3.....week 25 etc that is harder. So i am working on changing that....i will never be that person that diet alone works for ,,,,, a huge focus needs to be on me building/maintaining muscle....even if the scales dont move heaps if im building muscle...then its still all moving in the right direction....and thats what makes my next body scan very interesting. My mind is constantly like....well maybe im not getting good enough results cos im eating too much fat...or too little fat,,,,maybe im eating too little or too much...and i think i kinda throw my hands in the air. When i lost the weight before i had very lil nutritional knowledge...and it was in the low fat era...i never ate things like coconut oil...avocado...butter (grass fed or not!) i just ate lower fat...and i dont know that that worked fabulously cos i had some lengthy plateaus....but over the years i did work...currently im on 1550 calories....i guess if anything im leaning towards a high fat diet...but im not convinced on that just "science" seems to suggest that....and that its suggested to help with PCOS...but then again my PCOS basically went dormant eating low fat....then again maybe if i ate more fat i would have had less of a skin issue...LOL....see?????? Thats why i get confused....and why i question. If someone else asked me for recoemmentations for themselves...i could spit out calories and food recommendations easily...but when its dealing with my self...i doubt my judgement lol

Anyway enough rambling! Body pump tomorrow night....its a date ;)

Update :)

So this morning the scales were 122.9 kilos so a slight drop from yesterday morning.

I managed to get a decent nights sleep...altho my alarm wasnt scheduled to go off till 6.30am but my skype was blowing up with messages at 5.30am. The person i had had a very on/off relationship with...i ended it completely a few days ago (for good) and blocked and deleted them on skype....they had someone else message me this morning to tell me not to message them anymore (yes really!) so freaking childish. Hopefully they wont contact me again....ive removed and blocked any mutual friends on skype...she has 3 fb accounts...i only know of 2....those 2 i have blocked her on so is always the chance she can still message me but hopefully its done for good. I really need a good 9 or so hours sleep to just catch up...planning that for tonight....so hopefully asleep by 9.30pm.

It looks like i might have to have a third pest inspection (ugh)...the first one in october....the rep went to the wrong address and filled out the report incorrectly....the second one the guy who turned up (even tho he had the incorrect report) they are saying doesnt work for them (i have major concerns about this!) and now they have part left me a message saying they have spoken to my landlord....my guess is they want to organise ANOTHER time for another inspection....mightily annoyed if thats the case and will be calling my land agent to give "feedback" cos its ridiculous.

Nothing else much is going on...just eating good...and catching up on sleep lol such a lazy life!

Distinct lack of sleep....

So last night sleeping really didnt happen! It was bad...the street party stopped at 11pm....then at 3am trucks were here to pack up some of the street...6am they were doing sound checks. So i slept only a few hours...i got up to have a shower and was so tired i felt ill....so i didnt go into work.

I slept from 7am to 10.30am then went to the docs. Whilst there I discussed the PCOS. He suggested there is a chance my symptoms are menopause...but i am sure its the PCOS....and even if i am going thru menopause PCOS stays with you....so anyway he decided to put me on diabex. Hopefully that will help after some time with the symptoms....it can help with carb cravings and weight loss. So we will see how that goes.

As promised i did jump on the scales and i was 123.1 kilos which is a increase of 700 grams. But i have DOMs especially in my upper arms so thinking thats why. Foodwise been super good today...I made a carbonara tonight (no cream) and used zoodles (zuchini) for the pasta....was very yummy and several cups of vegies.

Due to not working today I didnt go to the gym...im tired already so hopefully i fall asleep early and catch up on sleep.

Foodwise today I ate 1290 calories (low cal day) and tomorrow i have 1550 calories which seems heaps after today! HAH! Tomorrow night i will do zumba.

Not  a lot going on...sitting down to watch will & grace before bed...enjoy your night all :)

Setting up some routines

Its 12.30am and i have to be up at 6.30am and cannot get to sleep argh...so decided to get up and write a post since I was mulling over things in my head ;)

Ive been thinking a few things...the first is "chat".....i go to a online chat program fairly regularly and really i dont think it benefits my weight loss. I remember when i did really well with my weight loss i didnt chat back then so ive decided its time to really stay out of there. We all need things to relax and have some "me" time but there are other more productive ways of doing it.

One of the things I do want to get into is vlogging on you tube. Ive been kind of put off because of poor video editing software and poor camera (ie webcam on my laptop or use my phone/ipad) but i feel this is a hobby that I can do anytime I have spare time that would be productive and beneficial to my weight loss, and add  level of accountability. So i have been looking at cameras. I will hopefully get a bonus from work in approx 3 weeks time so thinking i will spend it on a camera. So i want to buy a decent camera but not a ridiculous priced one...the one i am looking at is the canon 1200D which for what i want for a entry level camera and quality photos and videoing looks good. I am thinking about trying to play around with photography too. If that all goes well I might look in June at buying a mac so id have good video editing software (imovie)

Ive also decided that i want to go back to daily blogging here with me posting each day what my weight was on the scale for additional accountability, A couple of friends text each morning there weighs in to each other and that helps them....so since i use to do this a lot when i was successful i am hoping it will help again, since i wont be in chat at night i will have time for updating this blog daily! LOL I also want to get back into instagram more...that has slackened of late, and it was motivational so weekly weigh ins on there, foodie pics, progress pics and whatever else takes my fancy.

Also we decided to lower my calories. I still am going to calorie cycle but dropping them to 1550 calories. Im never a real fan of calorie cycling when at 1800 calories as it puts the "high" days too high. But i have sat down and figured it out...prolly the only issue i see with it is i like to have the day before weigh in as my low day (which will be 1250 calories) but with weighing on wednesdays my low day will be a tuesday which is actually a fairly active day as i have PT....but i will see how that goes....maybe ill have to raise it slightly and have a low day a different day...ill see how tomorrow goes.

I think i have also figured i have been way too focused on "79 kilos". Because i got that low....i dont think my head understands i am a LONG way from 79 kilos. Like 40+ kilos. I need to focus on just one kilo at a time. And really as i am 122.4 kilos at the moment...i should really just focus on getting under 120 kilos...then reassess, cos hey....surely i can lose 2.5 kilos eh?

Tomorrow night (which is really tonight eek!) i am planning on doing about a hour of cardio (mostly the treadmill) and then a 30 minute PT session. Maybe ill throw some stair climbing in as well but instead of going crazy ill start like i did when Fiona trained me. We started off with 3 flights and then built from there. So i might do 30 minutes on the treadmill....3 flights.....another 30 minutes or so....before PT. I use to actually like stair climbing....and maybe i should aim to do the westpac stairclimb again this year....and very, very slowly build up my stairs (no rush after all)

Body Scan

So went to the gym today.

First off I had the body scan....was interesting....while i have a LOT of fat....i have 18% more muscle then is the healthy amount for women my age, height etc. The muscle also isnt proportioned great....its mostly my upper body....this was surprising but partly prolly related to the fact about something i discussed recently...how i dont use my muscles how others do to do certain activity (like i use momentum to get up off a seat, i position myself to pick up something off the floor so i dont have to bend my knees). These are things i am working on with my trainer beck, I also want to focus on walking as my kinda go to cardio exercise at the moment....it works for my current fitness level and hopefully help with my legs building muscle. I also have on the high end the amount of water in my body....which is prolly related to the high amount of muscle.

So for transparency here is the stats:

weight : 122.4 kilos
Skeletal muscle mass : 32.1 kilos
Body fat mass : 64 kilos

Goal weight : 75.8 kilos
Visceral fat level (should be 10) : 20
Body fat percent : 52.3%

Measurements:

Neck : 47.7 cms
chest : 118.4 cms
Abdomon : 128.7 cms
Hip : 121.2 cms
Right arm : 45.1 cms
Left arm : 45.3 cms
Right thigh : 65 cms
Left thigh : 65.1 cms

Inbody score : 42 (was suggested i just focus on getting this over 50)

So the basics of it is....keep building muscle....especially my legs...and watch my diet and hopefully the scales will go down :) Hopefully i can get another one done in 6-8 weeks time.

I then did a hour PT session. Really struggled today...think it was possibly the heat plus for the scan (which was done right before my session) i wasnt allowed to eat or drink for 2 hours PLUS i tested out a new BCAA lol. So my body prolly rebelled a bit.

But saw progress today....been doing some step ups...last time was 3 sets of 10....today was 3 sets of 12. Also a exercise that is a rowing movement on the cable machine..increased...in fact increased every set...think i ended up at 16.75 kilos. Thats one thing i like about my new trainer....very similar to fiona....we do a lot of the same exercises and then my trainer lets me know when im doing more in the set or a higher weight.....allows me to see the progress.

Not a lot else going on...its 37 here today so warm...so im sitting in front of the a/c watching will & grace. I have drank approx 3.7 litres of water....and dinner (chicken, roasted cherry tomatos, spinach and feta cheese) is just about ready!

Enjoy your evening all :)

Sunday :)

Went out to dinner last night....to a fabulous restuarant...had 3 courses and felt no guilt cos it was clean eating food....lots of nutrients!

Yesterday i went to the supplement store. I bought a 2 kilo tub of protein powder, some BCAAs (which i will test out tomorrow), a box of quest bars and a 2.2 litre water bottle :) Actually they gave me the water bottle for free :)

Today I went to the fruit and grocery store and stocked up. So i am all ready for a good week.

I did try coconut oil in my oats and protein powder .... worked a treat :)

So im calorie cycling this week and the aim for at the gym is:

monday : 60 minutes PT
tuesday : 30 minutes PT + 45 minutes cardio
wednesday : zumba + yoga
thursday : pump (if i can make it on time) if not RPM
friday : body pump

I am working saturday so cannot get to the gym....sunday i might try and get a walk in. As i have said so many times....exercise is so key for me and I need to be exercising 5-6 days a week to make progress along with eating clean.

Also tomorrow i have the day off...and getting a body scan done...which should be interesting...moreso in 6-12 weeks to see the progress, but also for my trainer to see any imbalances in my body (right vs left side)

PCOS and taking a more overall approach to my health....

So weight watchers is still not sitting really well with me.

The reason being is it doesnt differentiate between good and bad fats...natural sugars and processed sugars. One example is coconut oil...i have been looking into coconut oil to help with my PCOS (ill discuss more about this further in the post) but one tablespoon of coconut oil is 10 points! I am on 41 points a day and thats 25% of my daily allowance...where as it is actually only 120-130 calories (dependant on brand). While i get ww is basically a high protein/low sugar/low fat diet surely they are aware of the benefits of fats, for our healthy and also our satiety.

The reason I have been looking into coconut oil is to do with my PCOS. It has started to flare up especially over the last 2 months. My skin is not as smooth/clear as it once was and my cycle has started to get a lot more erratic. In december it was awful....cramps for 2 weeks leading up to it and very heavy then this month...no cramping at all and it didnt even last 3 days! Now it could be im getting close to menopause...but to me this just seems like my PCOS. When my PCOS was at its worse i would either go for months without a cycle or "heamorage like" and i dont want either of those situations really. Also when i was smaller i was on a 28 day cycle...i was like clock work now its prolly closer to a 33-35 day cycle. Its not that i love having my cycle LOL but it is very indicative of how healthy my body is internally.

So i have started to research it cos i want to deal with it naturally. And firstly i know the clean eating, cutting out processed foods is the first thing. I have been doing a lot better with this lately (and personally i think thats more important then just eating "low point foods")

The next is I just want to add magnesium and 1 tablespoon of coconut oil to my diet per day. The magnesium is suppose to be good with PCOS and also to help with my muscle recovery (i am also planning to look into BCAAs to help with this) and the coconut oil not only for the PCOS but im also hopeful it will help my joints to a degree as well.

I am planning to mix the coconut oil with my oats in the morning...so oats, protein powder, coconut oil and water.

The other thing i discoverred is about 6-9 months ago i cut out milk cos i suspected it was giving me blocked ears (i still eat cheese and yoghurt) and the blocked ears stopped, twice this week i had milk and guess what? yep blocked ears....since i stopped having the milk again over the last 2 days no blocked ears LOL...so again...back to no milk!

Weigh in day and other things :)

Been a bit slack on the blog posting!

Today was weigh in day....one full week on weight watchers Smart Points and I lost 3.7 kilos :) And I did my waist measurements they were down 5 centimetres.

Last saturday i went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 60 minute pump class. Sunday morning I woke up with pain in my lower shin (so bad I had to take painkillers) I have never had that pain before. Spoke to my trainer last night about it she thinks its from tight calves...so gave me a few preventative things to do (basically rolling and some massage) The pain is a lot better now altho still tender to touch.

So i ended up resting sunday and monday to give my shin a break. Now its pretty pain free. Last night I did a lil warm up on the treadmill then had PT. We did the bench squats again...they do seem to be improving....then we did this balance exercise...turns out we are working that up to proper forward lunges....but progressing slowly to get form and balance correct and then we did some pushups against the smith machine again we are working on this slowly to try and get me to a point to of being able to do them low.

Obviously my food is going pretty good since I lost. My daily points dropped to 41 as of today. And i am going out for dinner tonight and saturday night so thats where my weekly points will be going!

Oh I discoverrred the supplement store across the road from the gym sells "core power foods" so prepared foods...all with grains (sweet potato, brown rice, basamati rice and sweet potato) and high protein...going to go have a look at them....check out the sodium and sugars and how many points they turn out to be. While they are $9.95 a meal...having the correct balance and the time they will save (since i live alone) they may be a worthwhile investment.

Right! Breaks over, back to work!

The end of the week :)

Exercise this week improved :) I went from having done none for weeks to doing some ! LOL

Tuesday I did a PT session....Thursday I did body pump and a PT session (double PT session), tomorrow i am planning to do pump or balance depending on my levels of soreness and 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Next week will exercise plan will look like this:

monday : 30-45 minutes on treadmill and body balance
tuesday : 30-45 minutes on treadmill and PT session
wednesday : zumba
thursday :  Rest day
friday : Rest day
saturday : pump or balance and 30 minutes treadmill
sunday : rest day

So as you can see its slowly building things up.

Things are going really well with my trainer and I can see me making progress with her as a trainer.

Foodwise I feel I need to get tough! I really have to cleanse up the diet. Whilst there is absolutely nothing wrong with treats...I seem to be more about treats!! LOL So i just need to simplify things for a period of time. The first is cleaning out my fridge and cupboards (one of tomorrows jobs) and aim towards eating VERY minimal processed foods. The only time I am going to allow myself is quest bar is if I work out in the mornings (which is usually only once a week). No buying food out and about. No taking money or cards with me that I can willy nilly draw money out for. BUT if i have social plans then i can slightly treat myself. I will still always aim for protein, some fat and good carbs. But may divulge with a entree or small dessert (that said I dont go out for meals that often!) And the other thing....cos giving up diet coke completely wont happen for me LOL...so ive made the agreement with my brain....i can drink diet coke when at home or out for a meal...but its not on at work. It just costs too much plus isnt damn good for me!

I am not saying these changes will have the scales moving any faster ..... but will hopefully get the body shape transforming. Really scale wise my only focus at the moment is to be under 120 kilos by January 31 (I was 124.8 kilos this morning...so its dropping but slowly)

But I also dont know what the scales will do over the next few days as i have my cycle and am bloated so know i am retaining fluid.

Update :)

So... the latest is i am back doing WW.

I saw their "connect" part of the app mentioned on fb yesterday and so had a look and think its brilliant, if you remember my initial reason for going to WW was cos i wanted the support...but i felt that was lacking....well the "connect" part of the app made up for that :)

So i weighed in this morning...125.2 kilos. Did my ww assessment...42 weekly points and 42 daily points (my plan is to save my points for saturday night dinner to have a "cheat meal"

The other news is i did my first PT session with my new trainer Beck. Let me say,,,,,,went soooooooooooo well!! We sat down and talked about my goals....which were obviously weight loss, balance, mobility/movement. I explained how i use to do body combat then i started falling in the class .... so thats a goal to get my confidence back up to get in that class, to get me doing low pushups, to be able to move from a sitting to standing position better (due to being 173 kilos previously ive taught myself to do that via momentum instead of using my muscles correctly) and i also told her a ultimate goal is to get back to running. She said functional training is what she does and by us focusing on making me stronger, my balance, mobility, getting back to running etc the weight loss will come as a by product. Which is the way Fiona used to think...so yes her training and the way she talked about training reminded me a LOT of Fiona....which just made me day! In the session we did some bench squats (sit on a bench and then have to stand up) which is one of my key issues...we focused a lot on me switching on the correct muscles etc....and it was hard LOL but the noticeable thing was every time i didnt think about switching on my core, squeezing my glutes, push thru my heels i couldnt do it...thought about it...and i struggled....it wasnt easy but would manage to do it.

We then did some pushups against the smith machine, she explained when i am doing it i am raising my shoulders which will stop me from going lower. So we focused a lot on my posture....it was still hard...i still didnt go low...but at least i am working on good form :)

We then also did a balance exercise which was hard! LOL

And altho I didnt do heaps...im bloody sore today! LOL...sore quads, butt and back!

End of holidays

So thats it....my holidays are over....back to work tomorrow :(

Cannot say i am looking forward to 5.30am alarms or 8 hours of working LOL....but i am looking forward to getting my routine back.

Since I got back from streaky....ive had good and not so good days. I have no idea what I weigh currently...prolly 124 kilos or so? But i will weigh in tomorrow morning...now i took some current/before pics earlier...in board shorts and a crop top...so hiding absolutely nothing and they are NOT a good look!

My food coach has had me on 1800 calories, 180 grams of protein (which I really struggle to eat) and a cheat meal on saturday nights. I understand the thinking of a cheat meal, and the psychological benefits, but as a food addict i dont think having a "calorie free" meal is a good idea for me, I also suspect 1800 calories may be too high. What has always worked in the past for me was calorie cycling. The thing is ive never calorie cycled with 1800 calories cos i feel the "high days" are going to end up too high calories....which as a food addict is not ideal. My plan is 80% clean eating and eating to a lifestyle i can sustain...so chicken and brocolli for lunch wont be part of my plan as there is  no way i can keep that up for the rest of my life (i feel my calories should be down towards 1500 calories...but will leave at 1800 for the moment)

So I felt a few rules are needed :)

-No baking (it just puts temptation in front of me)
-Limit pasta to once a week/or 1 yiros per week
-Eat 1-2 pieces of fruit per day
-Protein and vegies for dinner
-2 litres of water per day
-no hungry jacks, kfc or maccas (i dont tend to go to them these days anyways)

My goal by January 31 regardless how much I weigh in the morning is to get under the 120's and then after that to aim for 2.5 kilos per month. Going by the I could be in or very close to being in my XL LJ motivational tanks by June :)

Tomorrow as well as being back at work, I start with my new trainer....ive not had a lot of success with trainers over the last 18 months or so....so hopefully this all works well!

Being Grateful

Our headspace is integral to our weight loss.

I remember when I was quite small I often posted that i had a "inner happiness" it wasnt that I was happy about any one specific thing, i just felt very calm and happy with my life. And i think this is a really important part of weight loss.

When we are in a negative headspace, hating the world, being down on not only the world but ourselves is it likely that we are going to do the work that weight loss takes? I dont think so.

And dont get me wrong, cos i think this is very common in obese people, and who can blame us. The world can seem shitty. And it can feel like all our problems are because we are overweight. But here is the kicker, the only way we can move past this is to change our attitude (Sorry people its true! Only WE have the ability to change OUR lives)

This weight loss gig when you have 50 kilos, 100 kilos or more to lose can just seem plain daunting and too hard can't it? When in reality we all know it is a case of eating less and moving more, but we also know a integral part of it all is what goes on between our ears.

One of the first ways I believe we can do this is to start to be grateful, and not just say "I am grateful". But actively considering and thinking about it everyday. If I was to list the things I am grateful even tho I have been in a negative headspace the last few years, I could say I am grateful for:

• my job
• my home
• my supportive weight loss friends
• my sister and her family
• my financial ability to pay for gym membership and PTs
• my computer and ipad that allows me to put time into my weight loss journey
• my love of nutrition and researching it
• my supportive gym
• that there are places in adelaide (torrens river, semaphore beach, mawson lakes) that allow me to go walking and see animals
• that i have wardrobes full of Lorna Jane, Running bare and russell athletic clothes in every size from XS to XL
• the fun, crazy environment I work in
• my proactive, slightly competive nature
• the opportunities that will exist
• all the books I have on my ipad waiting for me to read!

So as you can see....when we start to think about it there are things we can be grateful for. It doesnt matter if you have one thing on your list or 27 million. As long as you can go I am grateful for such and such, and think about it seriously it is going to make you feel better about your life. Doesnt matter if you are grateful for your cat....or the flowers that are in bloom....put your mind to it we can all be grateful for ONE thing.

If this is something you really struggle with you can buy "grateful journals", in australia places like kikki.k sell them. Buy one and aim to identify one thing everyday that you are grateful for.

Once you start to become aware on a daily basis of the things you have to be grateful for you will hopefully become happier. It doesnt mean you will never have sad or unhappy moments....but when you do you know what you do? You pull out your grateful journey and read it...reflecting on the things you were grateful for.

Once you are grateful and happier what will be a by product of this (hopefully) is you will become more proactive. Cos a happy person wants the best out of their life dont they? They just want it to be better....and by better....I mean whatever the definition of "better" is to you. For me it means working on my body and mind and just being happier.

This is by no means a blue print of how things will work for everyone. This is how I feel my mind works....I have been thinking a lot about how grateful I am lately, and how good a place I am currently in and felt it was important to write it all down, and maybe it would even help someone.

Most of all....be nice to yourself!

How to lose weight....

So I thought I would details my plan...things that I feel works....and has worked for me in the past.....on how to lose weight...the Kazz way ;) Keep in mind there are plenty of ways to lose weight....this is simply what works for me. So here we go.....

FOOD

This is a very general rule. If you are over 100 kilos eat 1800 calories....if you are under 100 kilos eat 1500 calories...do this for 2 weeks....then see how the losses are going....if you are losing too rapidly add 100 calories....if you are not losing deduct 100 calories (and keep doing this weekly till you get your losses at the right pace...aim to lose 500 grams to 1 kilo per week)

Eat clean/unprocessed foods

Limit your grains in the evenings.

Calorie cycle (I am not doing this currently but for my body I swear by it)


EXERCISE

This will be different for everyone. Walking is a good place to start. If you have been exercising for a while....aim to incorporate cardio, strength training and flexibility work.

For myself the aim will be 5 days of cardio per week - at least 2 days of strength train and 1-2 days of flexibility work (pilattes, body balance, yoga)

For myself personally this year I will be aiming to do a mix of group fitness classes : boxing, body pump, body balance, pilates, TTT, zumba and my gym is introducing metafit and HIIT classes which i will hopefully have the guts to attend LOL

SLEEP

Dont underestimate....get the appropriate sleep. Not just enough to get by but how much your body feels best at. For me that 7.5-8 hours. So i try and make sure I am trying to get to sleep at least 8 hours before my alarm will go off.

RELAX

Its important to give urself some you time and relax. Whether its reading, painting, playing computer games, whatever....some downtime to just relax is very healthy for you

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

This is something fiona use to tell me. When i enjoyed the journey (ie at the gym, enjoying it, cooking and experimenting with recipes) i always did so much better then when i tried to force it. Find some clean recipes....and try and cook (and trust me im no great cook!)....when we do that we feel proud, we feel like we are accomplishing, these things make us feel confident and happy....and thats how we need to feel to be successful :)

So thats it....thats the keys that work for me!

Happy new year :)

My plan was to write this post last night but I fell asleep way too early LOL

So yesterday I went out with Tania and Martine for lunch, We shared a entree of bruschetta and i had a pasta with a rose sauce with chicken and avocado. Was very good to catch up with them and just talk :)

So here is my goals....of what I want to accomplish, want to buy, want to do:

To accomplish:

1. Lose 25 kilos
2. Squat and deadlift between 50-65 kilos (50% of my body weight)
3. Be able to do low pushups
4. Build up to 17.5 kilos on each end of body pump bar for squats, 7.5 kilos on each end of pump bar for chest and back track.
5. Run 5km (I may not get small enough to do this one)

Want to buy:

1. Gold necklace with a charm of significance
2. Winter trench coat and winter parka
3. Winter boots
4. Make up
5. New dinner set/cutlery/saucepan set
6. Thermamix (maybe)
7. Gold ring

Want to do:

1. Find the perfume that is "me"
2. Go see a movie or a live performance once a month
3. Read more
4. Colour
5. Look at getting back into cross stitch
6. Start running again/try park run
7. Do more things that make me happy
8. Spend more time with friends who are on this journey with me and also expand my social life
9. Put in 100% at the gym

I am very aware that the best way (for me anyways) to have a good headspace for this journey, is to acknowledge all the good in my life, look around and see all the things i could be doing (last year i was definitely in a rut of work, computer at night, sleep)...I really want to embrace all my hobbies, goodtimes, friends....I think by doing that and being happy (which I honestly feel at the moment...I am very aware of how blessed and grateful i am) when we feel better about our life....when we are productive, proactive, grateful....the more likely we are to be successful at this weight loss gig.

Because it is the first day of the year, I will update the weight :) Prior to xmas (21/12) i was 122.7 when I got home and weighed on my birthday (30/12) i was 123.8 and today (1/1) i was 122.5 kilos...so its all moving in the right direction :) Official weigh in day will be wednesday when ill check my waist measurement too (was 102cms on 30/12)

Have a great day all :)

Happy birthday to me :)

So yep it was my birthday. Initially my plan was to do pump and balance today...but the sunburn was too sore....even hurt just walking (on my thighs) but its much better this evening. The sunburn on my foot is starting to itch so i am guessing it will be peeling soon (unless all the aloe helps avoid that)

So i completely stuck to my eating even tho was my birthday today. Tomorrow i am going out for a birthday get together...i will prolly have some bruschetta and lasane...ive tracked it...tracked the rest of the day...and while my protein wont be at 180 grams it will be close. As it turns out i have to fast tonight as i will hopefully be having blood tests in the morning...so wont be eating breakfast anyways which means I have a few more calories to splurge on lunch.

My plan for new years eve is going to be all about me :) Going to go out for a walk in the evening (i have done that most past new years), if i can find a bath plug (mine is lost and my foodland didnt have one but i will try coles tomorrow arvo) i will have a relaxing soak in the tub then tomorrow evening either read, colour or chill watching netflix, and then BOOM new years day, I will be back at the gym on monday (pump and balance at lunch time) and ready to start kicking some ass with this years goals...putting in 110% at the gym, being on track with my calories and macros, exercising 60-90 minutes for 5 days a week, sleeping 8 hours a night....and embracing this is a lifestyle change not a restrictive go insane in the gym diet :) I want to be more about making small changes, implementing structure and above all enjoying the journey! Oh and I also want to try a new recipe every week!

Thats about it...I did weigh in this morning...I had a gain (but this was xmas week!) so a 1.1 kilo gain, and my waist measurement had stayed the same. I think tho....that was mostly fluid as im sure my body is very, very dehydrated due to the sunburn :)

Its not complicated

Well i didnt post last night! Slack ass I am :(

Yesterday we ventured to the beach where i got a tad of sunburn (ok a lot of sunburn) specifically on my thighs and feet. I have since been lathering them in aloe :) Then last night we went out for dinner....I had carbonara (basically to end the holiday LOL) was very delishus tho.

Today has been adventurous....and shocking to say the least. So today I flew home. Was a hours drive to the airport...we had some lunch then I got on the plane. Well its a smaller plane. The seatbelt did up (just) but i literally had to squeeze myself into the seat...it was like the seat had a muffin top. The left arm rest dug in me the entire trip and the right arm rest didnt go completely down. So I was so uncomfortable and thinking I am not taking another flight till i am under 100 kilos. Then in the skinny aisle the hostess had to push the drink cart....as she came to go past me i could see her looking to see if she could fit...omg it was a awful feeling, i felt it skim past me but thankfully it did fit. It seriously was the worse flight i could not get off that plane fast enough. And it was a HUGE reminder that the time of fun is over .... time to knuckle down with my eating and exercise. I really am hoping my sunburn is improved a bit tomorrow...i feel like a invalid at the moment LOL and a shower is a nitemare :(

So I finished Khloe Kardashians book and now i am reading a book called "half-assed" which i am finding a VERY easy read (about a weight loss journey). If you know any other good books that are inspiring or motivating whether about a weight loss journey or not....please let me know!

Tomorrow its back on track....and i think its kinda good to get back on track on a significant day....and well tomorrow is my birthday so to me it seems like the perfect gift. I would like to lose 25 kilos in the next 12 months which would put me under 100 kilos...it also equates to less then 500 grams a week to lose on average which is definitely do-able. So yay happy birthday to me :)

For anyone interested....i will be eating 1800 calories (my macros initially will be protein - 180, carbs - 135 and fat 60) with 60-90 minutes of exercise 5 days a week with one cheat meal per week...thats the plan....nothing overly complicated!

Time to climb some stairs!

Well im starting to sleep in too much! 10am this morning lol

Today we went out and saw a few more tourist sites...including lots of stairs! LOL

.

I finished reading Khloe Kardashians book...was a great read!

This morning i logged on to youtube and checked out the people i follow....a lot of them are online personal trainers....some train people in bikini comps....some just meal planning....and some are both meal planning and exercise workouts. Anyone ive always been keen to get it thru one of them to get a idea of a starting point for my macros....so anyway as a christmas "gift" one was offering it free for 30 days that you can cancel if you wish not to continue after the first 30 days. So its not the exercise i need help with...I know at my current weight i just need to move doing a mix of cardio, strength and flexibility work. So i got the meal planning...which it is personalised and i should receive in the next 24-48 hours...i doubt ill keep at it long term...i more was interested in the starting point :)

One of the other things i thought about when climbing those stairs today was how....i dont push myself at the gym anymore....my sister was saying how my niece had to hold a plank at school one day this year before being allowed to do something....whenever i get told to do a plank....i think...oh 30 seconds is respectable...i just do a exercise till its "acceptable"....i go thru the sessions just going thru the paces instead of thinking i want to do 100% best.....of how each individual exercise is reshaping me and benefitting me....

Tonight for dinner is home made butter chicken (670 calories) made from scratch in my sisters thermomix...super looking forward to it!

Boxing day

So christmas day is over!

We were up kinda early on xmas day. I got some nice pressies...colouring book, pens for it, hair straightener, pete evans cookbook. Foodwise I was pretty damn good....only thing i ate too much off was my sister has a thermomix and made homemade crumpets...they were the bomb...and i had too many of them. But i didnt pick much and while i was served xmas pudding and cream i only ate a small section of it cos i didnt like it.

Two we went out to seal cove (cove where lots of seals hang out) and murphys haystacks..large rocks shaped by erosion. I only have tomorrow and monday here and then head home on tuesday.

Being away from life and everything has been good. Streaky Bay is just a lil country town and it really is good for self reflection. I am quite clear that 2016 i will be incredibly selfish about me and my weight loss journey. I am so ready to get back in to the gym. But its allowed me to focus on some other things too. I am setting a rule...no laptop in the bedroom...I think it makes me lazy. I want to do more "things" I want to read more (am currently reading khloe kardashians book) (any recommendations of books....especially motivating books let me know!), I really have enjoyed the colouring in, I would like to get back into cross stitch. I want to go to more live shows, and more movies. Focus heavily on cooking at home more (or putting more effort into trying new recipes), organic foods. Possibly look at doing park run on saturdays. I think by also doing these other things, it will help me relax, decompress, and be happier....i know with weight loss its not just diet and exercise its also the mindset. Also one thing that has been REALLY bad lately is my lack of sleep...back to focusing on 8 hours of sleep a night.

I also wanna focus on making my home more organised and ive really not spent money on my home in years....so freshening it up again. And also freshening me up a bit....i dont wanna shy away from spending money on me whether for hair appointments, makeup, clothes or whatever.

Merry Christmas :)

Another lazy day! LOL im so in the holiday swing...i didnt shower till 4.30pm! LOL That said ive been up and dressed since 8.30am and out at the shops and stuff.

My food coach (from fernwood) emailed me today and told me to have tomorrow off from calorie counting :) Im not too concerned...i will have some xmas pudding and will try and eat more ham, turkey and salad. If the weather is good we will go to the beach in the arvo as well altho it feels like a cool change is coming in.

As i think i mentioned yesterday my sister has a thermomix and using it a LOT so pretty much everything i am eating is home made,

Once i get home (night on 29th) i will be changing my food a lil (after advice)...breakfast will prolly become 1/4 cup of oats, tablespoon of peanut butter, and scoop of protein powder and weekends will be 50 grams bacon, 1 egg (i do love my eggs!), avocado and some vegies (spinach/mushies/tomatos) My dinner meal will change to a max of 10 grams of carbs (grains) which is how i use to eat when i lost weight before...so slowly will start making changes. My first full day back in Adelaide i will be hitting the gym and starting my new schedule. I read a meme yesterday that said 2016 is going to be a selfish year...all about me....and i must admit for me....my health is going to be my top priority.

My fitbit has also crapped itself! Wont sync...the time is incorrect...when i got it tho i got a extended warranty altho i am not sure where all the paperwork for it is (as i am in streaky bay i cannot currently check) but i emailed the store...they said to bring it in with id and they will replace it. They have a nice mint coloured one now so with luck i can get that. Tonight we are having fish and salad and i think us adults may be opening a bottle of champagne with fresh strawberries :) I last drank 2 years ago! LOL So i will have a glass and enjoy it!

Okies not much else going on...merry xmas all...enjoy tomorrow !

Day 4 on track.

I slept in today so didnt go for a walk. With it being so hot...i need to do it early in the day. Tomorrow i will really aim to do it.

Food wise today has been good. Oats and protein powder for breakfast...lunch was a wrap with ham, cheese and salad and my niece made lil cinnimon muffins (not fried...made from scratch and cooked in a muffin tray in the oven) and a quest bar. Tonight for dinner is mushroom risotto and i might have fruit and yoghurt after dinner :)

There is really not too much else to say...wanted to post cos i want to do that daily...but really not a exciting one :) Glad for day 4 back on track tho :)

Making the best choices where I can :)

So I was up early today and at the hotel gym by 7am :) I did 15 minutes on the treadmill at a incline of 10...i then did 10 minutes at level 1 and threw in a few jogging sprints! :) Funny, no one else was in the gym and had it to myself and didnt really worry about falling. I then did some rows, LAT pull down and chest press followed by 5 minutes on the cross trainer. I burnt a total of 415 calories in 40 minutes.

We didnt have a home base today so my options werent perfect early in the day...bakers delight this morning (i had a ham & pineapple pizza which was 437 calories. Lunch we went to kfc and all i got  was a original burger (no cheese or anything) which was 440 calories and while the girls had chips I had 25 grams of flava beans which i had bought with me :)

Tonight my sister cooked a green chicken curry and rice for dinner. No processed crap in it...that was only 417 calories....and she has some home made sorbet which i will have for dessert. My aim is to stay under 1880 cals while on holidays....a lil higher today and hit 1906 cals...but considering my options i thought i did well.

I went to the shops earlier and bought oranges, apples, bananas and strawberries and greek yoghurt....so i can have some healthy snacks over the next few days.

Tomorrow is suppose to be pretty warm so im planning to go walking down the beach when i wake :) Will be a early night tonight...am sleepy....will be keen to catch up on sleep.

Oh I am reading Khloe Khardasians book "Strong looks better naked"....so good...Ill post more about it once I finish it but I am really enjoying it :)

It's all good :)

One of my focuses is to be updating my journal a lot more.

I wanted to explain....regardless of any relationship/emotional dramas....for the most part i am in a very happy place :) I live a blessed life...I have a secure job, secure home life, friends, family....enough money to do all the things I choose to do.

I am in control of any choices, decisions i make and being proactive is generally i find the best way to deal with anything. The relationship thing is definitely over...a small miracle would need to happen for me to consider anything further. My focus now and for 2016 is not a relationship...its me, my health, my weight. I am investing just way too much money for it not to be the focus. Hopefully come the last half of 2017 i can start to do all the things i want....the dating, the travel etc.

So.I weighed in this morning. So here are the stats:

Weight : 124.7 kilos
Chest : 110.5cm
waist : 102cm
thigh (right) : 82cm
Hips : 156cm

My plan for tomorrow is to get into the gym and do body pump at lunch time....then home for lunch and not long after i will be heading to the airport :) Spending the night at Port Lincoln tomorrow night before we drive to Streaky Bay on tuesday.

Did go out for lunch with Tania today. So good having someone who has similar goals...time to kick some ass! :)

The Plan

So a bit of a overdue post. WOW where do I start?

The on again off again involvement I mentioned a few posts ago has been on again and off again some more. While I care for this person very deeply we have a fundamental difference in how we deal with issues. I am a talker and want to discuss and resolve issues....she just prefers to not discuss things or talk at all. And that is most likely going to be the downfall of anything. As i type this we are definitely OFF. And i think i just need to get thru this "hump" i need to avoid contact and "do me" and hopefully in a few weeks time it will not have the same impact it currently does.

But as this is a weight loss journal lets discuss that eh? So to answer questions...no im not sticking with weight watchers. To me the fact they dont differentiate natural sugar vs added sugar vs fake sugar i dont agree with...also i feel it is really simply a low carb way of eating and also i had no end issues with the app.

So i now have a bit of a plan. Firstly on 31/12 I am going to the doctors and organising blood tests to be done that day...going to ask for sugar, cholesterol and liver ones to be done. I will also get my doc to check my blood pressure...Ill then get them redone in 3 months ... as a additional way to track my progress.

18/1 my gym has a body scans being done so I have already booked in for a appointment for that and will hopefully get one done every 6 weeks or so.

I was going to wait till January 1 to get back on track but sunday I am suppose to be going walking with Tania down semaphore....so I figured since that will be a healthy start to the day I will get back on track that day! I will also do my measurements, take a photo and weigh. Ill take my tape measure with me whilst away and measure my waist 7 days later and then again December 30 i will do a official weigh in, measurements etc and then leave the weigh ins at wednesday.

I have someone coming to collect my foxtel box on monday...(foxtel hadnt sent me the details to send so some repo company is coming to collect it LOL...) but hopefully i will manage to get to pump lunchtime monday and then tuesday morning i will use the hotel gym...and then while in streaky...walking and swimming at the beach will be the activity :) I am soooooooooo ready to kick ass and make 2016 a success!

Here we go.................................

So I made some decisions. Firstly ive had it with the weight watchers app...LOL...im going back to what has worked for me in the past...simplicity of counting calories. Got out Jillians book and did some calculations....she recommends 1850 a day for me to lose half a kilo a week...as i am not really exercising at the moment I will drop down to 1800. But my focus will be more on my macros..aiming for 158 grams of carbs, 135 grams of protein and 70 grams of fat. This time if i plateau out instead of jumping to lower the calories i am going to play around with the macros more.

Daily blogging....I want to go back to daily blogging so here and on instagram...I want to take a photo everyday for instagram. Mondays will be a front body shot....with my weigh in result as a form of accountability.

Goals....I have set goals for the following weights:

119.9 kilos - make up
114.9 kilos - Perfume
109.9 kilos - a ring
104.9 kilos - Boots
99,9 kilos - A gold necklace with some form of meaningful charm
94.9 kilos - eyelash extensions
89.9 kilos - Kardashian handbag
84.9 kilos - Dress
79.9 kilos - Withdrew $300 for a LJ shopping spree
74.9 kilos - tattoo

I think i mentioned i have signed up for 3 PT sessions a week this coming year. My first one is booked for January 5, I have January 4 off and ill return to the gym that day and most likely do lunchtime classes (i have the day off)

As i am counting calories i doubt ill attend ww meetings. I will talk to my coach (who is a friend after xmas about it) maybe ill go in and weigh once a week. I am still glad I purchased the ww goods i did. Their new cookbook is amazing and I plan to cook out of it once a week. And their scales I am so happy to have good reliable scales :) and I think their magazine is good too especially for recipes. I really want to get to double digits in 2016 and also have a much fitter look then I currently have. I really want to get into boxing classes, pump and balance as much as I can. And with luck get back into running....ill possibly look at doing the park run on saturday mornings towards the end of the year.

I have 5 work days then just over 2 weeks of destressing (one week in streaky bay) and im soooooooooooooo ready for the down time...but I am also SO keen for January 2 which will be my first day back at the gym...good things for 2016 I feel :)

WW SmartPoints vs Calorie Counting

So i am on day 5 of SmartPoints...and ill be honest...not convinced about it. I went back to ww for the community support...apart from a facebook group I dont know ive really sensed a "community". With SPs for those who dont know...they use the kilojoules as the base of the points of food....then they are lowered if high in protein and increased if high in saturated fat or sugar. An example is a xmas individual mince pie...is 23 points. I agree sugar is not good for us....but in my opinion they are lumping everything in one category. My big issue is honey. 1 tablespoon of honey is 6 points! Honey is a natural sugar, and if you use manuka honey incredibly good for you. I actually ate honey every day I lost weight....so really struggle with this. I just dont think its correct to put honey in the same category as all other types of sugars. To give a comparison...a tablespoon of honey weighs about 15 grams and that is 6 points....12 grams of cadbury chocolate is 3 points.............
 My other issue if you look at the ww page is they tell you to keep your sodium under 2300mg (which is very sound advice) but how can you track that with weight watchers apps?

When i think about calories it does seem simpler to me...non confusing...i can guage my protein, fat and carb content...i can monitor sodium. I feel like I am going to go back to calorie counting...but im resisting just yet cos im paying for weight watchers. I also HATE the weekly points ... just give us a number and let us stick to it...anyway thats my opinion!

I must say tho soooooooooooo glad i have the weight watcher scales and i do love the weight watchers cookbook but I most likely will revert back to counting calories.

That said i know some people are having GREAT success on it! Like i said tho...im still unconvinced.

Ive been going back thru my journal .... from the beginning...and im realising im not that far off where I was. I think for a long time ive felt its not "essential" i get back on track. Reading the early days off my journal....the ankle and knee pain...the fluid retention in my feet and calves...I really need to get back on track tomorrow.... and permanantly. One of the things i did notice when i was doing well with my weight loss in the beginning was i focussed on non food goal rewards...and they were all things for "me" to help me feel better about my presentation etc...i created a list last night:

perfume
eyelash extensions
tattoo
winter boots (like cowgirl ones!)
make up
jewellery
Handbag

I also think i need to "do more"...there are so many things i want to do .... but i dont cos i dont wanna go alone. Movies, live theatre, expos, displays....whatever...I might set a goal for next year to do one thing per month by myself.

Okies thats enuff for today :)

The day before....

So firstly, thank you to those who privately messaged me about my last post :) Id like to say its all been calm in relation to that since LOL but id be lying ;) We have had two conversations...one went okay...one not so much LOL....but that just convinces me more and more it was the right decision, just avoiding her as much as possible.

The heat has been awful here :( Ive had a moment where i was making my oats this morning and in the time it took me to get up to make them thought i would faint! UGH!

But the good news is SmartPoints starts tomorrow for me! I am super excited for that. Tomorrow morning i will weigh in, tomorrow night i am heading to the gym....the plan is body balance, 45 minutes on the treadmill and if not too hot zumba. I will then take some "starting SP" photos when I get home....I have no shorts that fit me but i will take photos in tank tops with my stomach exposed (sorry world!)

From what I think when i did a squizzy at the points early...I will be on 40 dailies....42 weeklies....and a goal of 49 weekly fitpoints. And of course knowing how my body works best I want to calorie cycle..so the plan will be:

monday : 51 SPs
tuesday : 40 SPs
wednesday: 40 SPs
thursday: 51 SPs
Friday: 40 SPs
Saturday: 60 SPs
sunday : 40 SPs

So i will weigh in monday then every wednesday after that (presuming they let me change my weigh in day)

My plan is to get my protein up and also my good fats up....I remember a few years ago I was following a plan where it was high fat & protein and moderate carbs and my body shape at the time changed significantly so I will be focusing on that again. Things like avocado, olive oil, nut butters, semi dried tomatos etc. My one concern is whether I can hit the points by eating whole foods. Protein foods have significantly dropped....and lets face it 40 or 51 points is a big ask to hear. On saturdays will be fine because i go out for dinner...during the week may be more of a struggle. I really want to limit my grains to oats in the morning, and 1/2 cup rice or barley or 2 slices of bread...and avoid grains at dinner....but we will see how it goes...the annoying thing is it starts for me tomorrow and i cannot track until tomorrow!

Weigh in week 3 :)

So I weighed in - down another 800 grams :) So the stats are:

-4 kilos lost in 3 weeks
-3rd lost in a row
-2.1 kilos to go to hit my 5%
-total loss of 54.2 kilos

So i am pretty happy with all that :) I have really focused on eating non processed and it seems to be paying off.

Exercise wise...I didnt go to the gym last night as I had weight watchers meeting but I did do over 20,000 steps. Tonight I did go to the gym and did a 30 minute TTT class (my thighs and butt may never recover lol) then a 30 minute weight session and 30 minutes on the treadmill...so worked out for 90 minutes. Tomorrow night i am planning to do 45 minutes on the treadmill and then 45 minute zumba class.

I am really looking forward to the new weight watchers plan....kinda seems like you cannot fail on it! As a xmas gift to myself i am buying a "kit" next week....the new ww scales, 6 month magazine subscription, cookbook and a few other bits and pieces :)

I am in a very good head space for my weight loss...I think it is a LONG time since i felt so in the right head space. Taken me a long time...but i think the whole "gotta eat non processed food" has finally sunk into my brain!

Okies...time for sleep....5.30am comes early!

Uh oh....those damn scales....

So my scales seem up by about 2 kilos. I havent gone over my points in fact when the scales first went up I had only eaten about 3 weekly points. Anyway normally this would mean I go off track...but no...I am pretty sure i know whats going on. Mostly I think its lack of exercise and eating too much carbs and processed foods.

So i am planning to head back towards more of how I ate before when I lost weight. One of the issues is some of the foods i ate before....because i ate the same thing day in and day out...i cannot stand the thought of LOL. That being mostly weetbix and burgen bread. So breakfast will be oats and protein powder and water (which i love) or scrambled eggs with vegies (which I also love). I plan on having a sandwich for lunch and dinner just protein and vegies and some kind of fat. I did think of doing healthy and filling...but...the big reason i didnt is that salmon fillets are not included. My snacks is prolly my biggest downfall...im gonna have a banana and peanut butter for morning tea....and afternoon tea a apple with a cheesestick or sultanas and a protein shake....I need to make sure I eat foods I like so I will stick to it.

Exercise wise I really need to ramp it up this week. This week should look like this:

monday : 50 minute walk
tuesday : TTT class and PT session
wednesday : cardio (slow steady state on treadmill) followed by zumba class
thursday : Body pump class and PT session
friday : body pump
saturday : body pump + body balance

Hopefully the scales will start to move down over the next day or so but ill suck up whatever the scales say and move on :)

Update

So i went to weigh in on monday night and lost 2.7 kilos which i was very happy with...then walked home which took 30 minutes so a lil bit of exercise.

Tuesday I returned to the gym. My plan for the week was simply to do 2 PT sessions and 1 class. The 2 PT sessions i did. Tuesday we did boxing and thursday we did a cardio/weights session. The weights I did was 20 kilos on chest press and 10 kilo bar for military press. The plan is tomorrow I will go in and do Body Pump. Returning to the gym this time I feel a lil different....I just feel headspace wise I am ready to increase my workouts. I know when you add in the gym it can sometimes do crazy things to the scales but more important then that is to remember all the added benefits to the gym....mental health, cardiovascular improvement, strength and even for me a sense of appetite suppresent.

Next week I finish work either at 5pm or 5.30pm so another week where my gym time will be limited...also on the saturday I have an appointment at home at 9.30am so I cannot make the gym...but the plan will be:

monday : 30 minute walk
tuesday : PT followed with 20 minutes cardio
wednesday : Rest day
thursday : PT followed with 20 minutes cardio
friday : Rest day
saturday : Rest day

So as you can see....its still not a big exercise week...but that is mainly due to finishing work so late. I could theoretically go to the gym tuesday and wednesday before work. The classes those mornings are tuesday there is a RPM class and wednesday a boxfit class....but maybe instead of doing either I might just go in and do some cardio for 45 minutes each morning. Following this week I am back to early finishes which means I have more choice of classes.

Weight wise....well ive kept a eye on the scales this week...and not looking promising LOL....i may even have a small gain - which is not uncommon when I have had a big loss the previous week. I am sure the heat we had the last few days hasnt helped either...but just gotta keep plodding on. Admittedly this week I havent really had my oats and protein powder for breakfast ... have been opting for fruit toast....so should knock that habit on the head. Will keep working at it all :)

Catch up time!

Something has happened over the last few weeks...and last night it made me realise something. Now I cannot go into everything that has occurred. But its to do with relationships.

A few years ago I dated someone....it (obviously lol) didnt work out...at the time i remember being out running with fiona saying "no more" "im too old for these games" Now i am not blaming this for my weight game...but we know our mindset is a huge part of weight loss..I do think it contributed to my mindset.

If you go back to one of my first posts on this journal back in 2006 (might even be the first one) ok was the first one...i checked in fact it was in the first sentance:

Day 1 of my journal

Welp this is it .... the new blog/journal. Lemme brief you all were im at...for those who don't know me i am 38 years old, single, lesbian. And wanting my life back .. oh and a girlfriend to go with it would be good too =) 

Getting a relationship and getting my life back were my goals. Simple as that. It wasnt about a number on the scales...and it wasnt about a dress size. But along the way....my first "dating experience" when id lost the weight when it didnt go how i wanted i threw the towel in. A conversation last night where I was asked some things made me realise you know i do want a relationship...the whole hog...not just talk to someone online....but the whole kit and kadoodle. I am not saying tomorrow i am going on a date lol....but it needs to be a goal....and when I admit that to myself that that is what I want....I get a clearer clarity....cos along with that comes the whole "getting my life back" part...I wanna jump on a plane and travel....i want to experience new cultures....i want to enhance my friendship base....i want to have more "experiences" and that I think is what "getting my life back" is about....more experiences.

Tomorrow I return for my first full week of ww with meetings....I snuck a peak at the scales this morning...not sure if they are up or down because of the fact i didnt weight the first 3 days of this past week, I also had my cycle so my weight has been all over the place...we will wait and see.

In other news. Someone said a comment the other day "100% out or 100 in"...following boredom a few evenings at home I decided it was time to get off my lazy butt and get back to the gym. And yes I did return to Fernwood :) When I resigned up....I knew I had some PT sessions left over...but wasnt sure how many...so asked...had NINE of the lil buggers! LOL So i have signed back up with my previous trainer Stacey....and will be training tuesday and thursday nights....which is perfect. I like the sessions to be spread out a lil...and I cannot go on Monday nights cos of WW so that works great :) Im very keen to get into it...im keen to see the increase in my ww activity points....on work days i currently earn 2-3 and i earnt 14 this week with no exercise so will be interesting to see how much they climb :)

And thats about it! Have a good new week :)

100% in or 100% out

I was thinking tonight about why I started on this weight loss journey. When I started in 2006 it wasnt to become a size 10, it wasnt to become the fittest person walking down the street....and it wasnt to wear a particular size. I had a fear of becoming that person confined to their home living on welfare, I was worried I would be featured on today tonight when firemen would have to break doors down to get me out of my home...I literally needed to save my life.

Now obviously I have not been near that kind of dire situation for about 9 years, its a different battle now....i still am trying to save my life (cos getting back to 170+ kilos is not really that far away) but it is now about wearing a size 10, it is now about being able to run 10kms, it is about getting into the best physical shape to live as healthy for as long as possible.

Tonight I didnt eat perfect. No binge but eating didnt go as planned. The last few nights I have definitely been bored in the evening....there is only so many evenings in a row of coming home and watching netflix i can handle LOL The other thing is being idle in the evenings doesnt help with the avoiding foods, that was one of the reasons why i exercised so much when i lost the weight before....cos it meant i wasnt mindlessly eating.

The odd thing is too i feel kinda like i have too many daily points. I like just enough food to keep me satisfied...but 40 points is quite a lot.  Ive tracked tomorrows food already....including snacks...and i have 14 points spare....thats a trap in my opinion...cos it can lead me to making unwise choices for more-ish foods.

But anyway starting tomorrow i want to go back to some of the "rules" i use to have before. No grains at dinner time (except on saturday nights), aiming for fruit and/or vegetables with all snacks/meals (apart from breakfast), going for unprocessed options.

Exercise wise i need to really decide. I mean im pretty sure ive decided what to do....just gonna sleep on it tonight. I read a saying today....either 100% in or 100% out. So whilst i was feeling a bit done with the gym a few weeks ago i think i am ready to get back into it all.

Oh another thing I noticed and I got back into starting today...and that was daily weighing....i know a lot dont like to do it...but i am so much more mindful about what i put in my body when i weigh daily.

Also back to exercise, i want this time things to be a bit more balanced. Monday nights will not be a gym night as i will be going to weight watchers,....the good news is tho i walk 20 minutes to the meeting and 30 minutes home...so theres a 50 minute walk each day :) I think 4 nights a week plus a walk on sundays for the moment would work. I definitely want to do zumba classes, body pump, body balance and maybe RPM. That would be my focus going back with some cardio (walking). I need to find my ipod too...I had a lil shuffle which i use to clip to my tshirt...havent seen it for ever,,,,definite gym necessity!

Redo over....Starting back at weight watchers :)

Ive been meaning to post but so slack sometimes!

The good news is i returned to weight watcher meetings :) The bad news? Weighing in the week my cycle was due, on a 36 degree day, in jeans and sneakers and after having eaten all day meant I was heavier then my weight when I did my first weigh in for online LOL So starting weight was 122.9 kilos and 40 points a day. So far I have stuck to my daily points every day (yay me) have used no activity or weekly ones :)

Then of course at the meeting....the discussion was on "metabolism" and yanno about different things that affect your metabolism....and of course the amount of muscle you have effects your metabolism....and as i sat around people who were saying they go to the gym etc I was of course thinking...if I wanna do this properly I do need to get structure back and get back to the gym.

Am i about to return to a gym? Im not sure....on one hand I want too...on the other hand since i have had this "break" i dont want to return without have the real desire.

The next question of course as well...is....which gym. I have around me numerous gyms....as well as a few fitness studios...there is a fitness studio 5 minutes from my house....but it is classes only and not Les Mills ones.

I guess when I get down to it....what I want/need.....is a supportive gym, with regular les mills classes.
When I think about it the things i need to consider is: travel, cost, support, les mills classes. To be honest the jetts around the corner from me wins on the travel and cost....the support and les mills classes well fernwood would win. Is it worth sacrificing the support and the quality classes for something being closer and a little cheaper? Im thinking not.

The one thing I do know...is no PT. I have come to realise I was spoilt by Fiona...and no one else will really ever match up to her LOL....the only thing I would consider doing is some outdoor sessions (ie running with fiona) and she may not even be interested! lol....and I think at the moment i am too large for that anyways (thinking about my joints) also i dont like running in the heat (and well neither does Fiona lol) but maybe march/april i would have a talk with her about doing sessions if i was at a good place mentally and committed to my journey.

So thats the update...where things are currently at :)

Week 1 weigh in

*drumroll* I lost an amazing 3.8 kilos :) Now that said thats not uncommon for me the first week back on track to lose in excess of 3 kilos. So that takes me to 118.6 kilos and my total loss is 54.5 kilos...would be nice to be back at 55 kilos lost next week :)

But now the first week is done...its time to consider this coming week and future weeks. My daily points dropped to 38 points. My focus will be to stick to the daily points and not use any of the weekly or activity points. My goal is to simply aim for a average from this week on of half a kilo a week. I think in the past I put too much pressure on myself....getting annoyed at anything that was under a 1 kilo loss. Not this time...I dont even care if some weeks it is a 200 gram loss....they all add up.

If I could aim for a half kilo loss per week I should be to double digits my July. So thats my focus by July 30 to be a double digit girl....but no pressure!

As i discussed yesterday, and the more I think about it the more content i am with this decision....no formal exercise till i am a double digit girl. I will prolly get into walking more...but nothing formal. I do seem to lose better when I dont exercise for some strange reason (think cos then the balance of energy is spot on....once i add in exercise it brings in the whole....am i eating enough to fuel my workouts etc) plus I kinda think....having the exercise in my back pocket to use down the track is not a bad thing.

Reflection : Giving up the gym

So its been about 10 days since i decided to quit the gym. It really was a hard decision to make and even once I had made the decision I felt bad...I felt guilty. Admittedly that only lasted for about 24 hours! LOL

So am I glad I am currently not a member of a gym? Actually yes. Doing that and going back to weight watchers has allowed me to focus simply on my eating. Theres no pressure. Simply stick to my daily points, eat nutritional food but try and eat foods I really enjoy. I have stuck to my daily points every day except melbourne cup day (altho wednesday I was accidently under by 2 points) and I have used 20 of my weekly points. Tomorrow is weigh in and I am hoping for a good result. :)

So stepping away from the gym has allowed me at my own pace to start to think about what are MY fitness goals, and when I do return to the gym I dont want to exercise "for weight loss" whatever track I go down I simply want to be active/exercise to support whatever fitness goal I have at the time. I keep going back to when I trained with Fiona, who I obviously had my best results with. Fiona always had I felt a unique approach .... I always felt she had a very holistic approach. The very first time I met Fiona....I stumbled while getting off a bike and I remember telling her I hated the gym....that it felt like a chore (sounds familiar eh?) at the end of that session...she wasnt saying to me...."our focus will be for you to lose 50 kilos"....it was "our focus will be on your balance and getting you to not hate the gym" In the years I trained with her she very rarely, if ever asked me about my weight loss. Sure it was discussed but mostly that was when I bought up the topic....I never felt pressure from her that there was a expectation to lose a set amount each week...or get down to a number on the scales.....her focus was always just on getting me a bit happier with myself. I use to do 3 PT sessions a week...the first year or so we did one which was strength training....one which was boxing (simply cos of the fact I loved boxing) and one was a focus on core and balance. Fiona was always led by me....she would tell me i know when to change things up from the conversations we had...especially in the beginning tho it was just about trying to enjoy the gym. And yanno i never "loved" the gym....but I enjoyed our sessions...I liked the variety and I became dedicated to the gym.

So anyway its led me to believe this break from the gym is doing me the world of good. Its definitely a weight lifted off my shoulders....its also led me to a point of slowly just reassessing fitness goals that i want. By not talking to others and being influenced by only my brain and nothing else....it is allowing me to get some clarity. Now that said...I prolly wont return to a gym till I am under 100 kilos. So where my head is at currently for fitness goals is:

1. zumba classes - i did one at my old gym....really enjoyed it so thats something Id like to do when I return to activity
2. adult ballet classes - this is prolly something more for when I am at goal but its always been at the back of my mind. I did ballet for years and was really good at it....so would love to get back into it at some point.
3.  running a half marathon - When i first joined a gym at 160 kilos...i would see these girls run on a treadmill...always seemed like ostritches....they just flew like they were weightless....and as a 160 kilo girl that was always a focus. Of course in the past i did run 12km in the city to bay...fiona used to tell me....you will never be a sprinter lol. Running has always been a goal for me and im a slow and steady person so eventually a half marathon would be a good goal.

I think when I do rejoin a gym....i will prolly do some strength training maybe twice a week....but the difference this time is i would prolly research strength training to support running goals. When I initially return also my focus wouldnt be on HIIT training (not knocking it just at my weight dont see the fitness benefit of doing 5 sprints for 30 seconds...now I know it makes you fitter and I know its good for weight loss...but as i said...i will want to exercise for my fitness goals (ie running) and this will be when i first rejoin) at that point my focus will be on slow, steady state cardio....I will be wanting to build up the time I can exercise. Cos not only do i ENJOY that more...the way i see it....thats what half marathon runners do!