Here we go.................................

So I made some decisions. Firstly ive had it with the weight watchers app...LOL...im going back to what has worked for me in the past...simplicity of counting calories. Got out Jillians book and did some calculations....she recommends 1850 a day for me to lose half a kilo a week...as i am not really exercising at the moment I will drop down to 1800. But my focus will be more on my macros..aiming for 158 grams of carbs, 135 grams of protein and 70 grams of fat. This time if i plateau out instead of jumping to lower the calories i am going to play around with the macros more.

Daily blogging....I want to go back to daily blogging so here and on instagram...I want to take a photo everyday for instagram. Mondays will be a front body shot....with my weigh in result as a form of accountability.

Goals....I have set goals for the following weights:

119.9 kilos - make up
114.9 kilos - Perfume
109.9 kilos - a ring
104.9 kilos - Boots
99,9 kilos - A gold necklace with some form of meaningful charm
94.9 kilos - eyelash extensions
89.9 kilos - Kardashian handbag
84.9 kilos - Dress
79.9 kilos - Withdrew $300 for a LJ shopping spree
74.9 kilos - tattoo

I think i mentioned i have signed up for 3 PT sessions a week this coming year. My first one is booked for January 5, I have January 4 off and ill return to the gym that day and most likely do lunchtime classes (i have the day off)

As i am counting calories i doubt ill attend ww meetings. I will talk to my coach (who is a friend after xmas about it) maybe ill go in and weigh once a week. I am still glad I purchased the ww goods i did. Their new cookbook is amazing and I plan to cook out of it once a week. And their scales I am so happy to have good reliable scales :) and I think their magazine is good too especially for recipes. I really want to get to double digits in 2016 and also have a much fitter look then I currently have. I really want to get into boxing classes, pump and balance as much as I can. And with luck get back into running....ill possibly look at doing the park run on saturday mornings towards the end of the year.

I have 5 work days then just over 2 weeks of destressing (one week in streaky bay) and im soooooooooooooo ready for the down time...but I am also SO keen for January 2 which will be my first day back at the gym...good things for 2016 I feel :)

WW SmartPoints vs Calorie Counting

So i am on day 5 of SmartPoints...and ill be honest...not convinced about it. I went back to ww for the community support...apart from a facebook group I dont know ive really sensed a "community". With SPs for those who dont know...they use the kilojoules as the base of the points of food....then they are lowered if high in protein and increased if high in saturated fat or sugar. An example is a xmas individual mince pie...is 23 points. I agree sugar is not good for us....but in my opinion they are lumping everything in one category. My big issue is honey. 1 tablespoon of honey is 6 points! Honey is a natural sugar, and if you use manuka honey incredibly good for you. I actually ate honey every day I lost weight....so really struggle with this. I just dont think its correct to put honey in the same category as all other types of sugars. To give a comparison...a tablespoon of honey weighs about 15 grams and that is 6 points....12 grams of cadbury chocolate is 3 points.............
 My other issue if you look at the ww page is they tell you to keep your sodium under 2300mg (which is very sound advice) but how can you track that with weight watchers apps?

When i think about calories it does seem simpler to me...non confusing...i can guage my protein, fat and carb content...i can monitor sodium. I feel like I am going to go back to calorie counting...but im resisting just yet cos im paying for weight watchers. I also HATE the weekly points ... just give us a number and let us stick to it...anyway thats my opinion!

I must say tho soooooooooooo glad i have the weight watcher scales and i do love the weight watchers cookbook but I most likely will revert back to counting calories.

That said i know some people are having GREAT success on it! Like i said tho...im still unconvinced.

Ive been going back thru my journal .... from the beginning...and im realising im not that far off where I was. I think for a long time ive felt its not "essential" i get back on track. Reading the early days off my journal....the ankle and knee pain...the fluid retention in my feet and calves...I really need to get back on track tomorrow.... and permanantly. One of the things i did notice when i was doing well with my weight loss in the beginning was i focussed on non food goal rewards...and they were all things for "me" to help me feel better about my presentation etc...i created a list last night:

perfume
eyelash extensions
tattoo
winter boots (like cowgirl ones!)
make up
jewellery
Handbag

I also think i need to "do more"...there are so many things i want to do .... but i dont cos i dont wanna go alone. Movies, live theatre, expos, displays....whatever...I might set a goal for next year to do one thing per month by myself.

Okies thats enuff for today :)

The day before....

So firstly, thank you to those who privately messaged me about my last post :) Id like to say its all been calm in relation to that since LOL but id be lying ;) We have had two conversations...one went okay...one not so much LOL....but that just convinces me more and more it was the right decision, just avoiding her as much as possible.

The heat has been awful here :( Ive had a moment where i was making my oats this morning and in the time it took me to get up to make them thought i would faint! UGH!

But the good news is SmartPoints starts tomorrow for me! I am super excited for that. Tomorrow morning i will weigh in, tomorrow night i am heading to the gym....the plan is body balance, 45 minutes on the treadmill and if not too hot zumba. I will then take some "starting SP" photos when I get home....I have no shorts that fit me but i will take photos in tank tops with my stomach exposed (sorry world!)

From what I think when i did a squizzy at the points early...I will be on 40 dailies....42 weeklies....and a goal of 49 weekly fitpoints. And of course knowing how my body works best I want to calorie cycle..so the plan will be:

monday : 51 SPs
tuesday : 40 SPs
wednesday: 40 SPs
thursday: 51 SPs
Friday: 40 SPs
Saturday: 60 SPs
sunday : 40 SPs

So i will weigh in monday then every wednesday after that (presuming they let me change my weigh in day)

My plan is to get my protein up and also my good fats up....I remember a few years ago I was following a plan where it was high fat & protein and moderate carbs and my body shape at the time changed significantly so I will be focusing on that again. Things like avocado, olive oil, nut butters, semi dried tomatos etc. My one concern is whether I can hit the points by eating whole foods. Protein foods have significantly dropped....and lets face it 40 or 51 points is a big ask to hear. On saturdays will be fine because i go out for dinner...during the week may be more of a struggle. I really want to limit my grains to oats in the morning, and 1/2 cup rice or barley or 2 slices of bread...and avoid grains at dinner....but we will see how it goes...the annoying thing is it starts for me tomorrow and i cannot track until tomorrow!

Weigh in week 3 :)

So I weighed in - down another 800 grams :) So the stats are:

-4 kilos lost in 3 weeks
-3rd lost in a row
-2.1 kilos to go to hit my 5%
-total loss of 54.2 kilos

So i am pretty happy with all that :) I have really focused on eating non processed and it seems to be paying off.

Exercise wise...I didnt go to the gym last night as I had weight watchers meeting but I did do over 20,000 steps. Tonight I did go to the gym and did a 30 minute TTT class (my thighs and butt may never recover lol) then a 30 minute weight session and 30 minutes on the treadmill...so worked out for 90 minutes. Tomorrow night i am planning to do 45 minutes on the treadmill and then 45 minute zumba class.

I am really looking forward to the new weight watchers plan....kinda seems like you cannot fail on it! As a xmas gift to myself i am buying a "kit" next week....the new ww scales, 6 month magazine subscription, cookbook and a few other bits and pieces :)

I am in a very good head space for my weight loss...I think it is a LONG time since i felt so in the right head space. Taken me a long time...but i think the whole "gotta eat non processed food" has finally sunk into my brain!

Okies...time for sleep....5.30am comes early!

Uh oh....those damn scales....

So my scales seem up by about 2 kilos. I havent gone over my points in fact when the scales first went up I had only eaten about 3 weekly points. Anyway normally this would mean I go off track...but no...I am pretty sure i know whats going on. Mostly I think its lack of exercise and eating too much carbs and processed foods.

So i am planning to head back towards more of how I ate before when I lost weight. One of the issues is some of the foods i ate before....because i ate the same thing day in and day out...i cannot stand the thought of LOL. That being mostly weetbix and burgen bread. So breakfast will be oats and protein powder and water (which i love) or scrambled eggs with vegies (which I also love). I plan on having a sandwich for lunch and dinner just protein and vegies and some kind of fat. I did think of doing healthy and filling...but...the big reason i didnt is that salmon fillets are not included. My snacks is prolly my biggest downfall...im gonna have a banana and peanut butter for morning tea....and afternoon tea a apple with a cheesestick or sultanas and a protein shake....I need to make sure I eat foods I like so I will stick to it.

Exercise wise I really need to ramp it up this week. This week should look like this:

monday : 50 minute walk
tuesday : TTT class and PT session
wednesday : cardio (slow steady state on treadmill) followed by zumba class
thursday : Body pump class and PT session
friday : body pump
saturday : body pump + body balance

Hopefully the scales will start to move down over the next day or so but ill suck up whatever the scales say and move on :)

Update

So i went to weigh in on monday night and lost 2.7 kilos which i was very happy with...then walked home which took 30 minutes so a lil bit of exercise.

Tuesday I returned to the gym. My plan for the week was simply to do 2 PT sessions and 1 class. The 2 PT sessions i did. Tuesday we did boxing and thursday we did a cardio/weights session. The weights I did was 20 kilos on chest press and 10 kilo bar for military press. The plan is tomorrow I will go in and do Body Pump. Returning to the gym this time I feel a lil different....I just feel headspace wise I am ready to increase my workouts. I know when you add in the gym it can sometimes do crazy things to the scales but more important then that is to remember all the added benefits to the gym....mental health, cardiovascular improvement, strength and even for me a sense of appetite suppresent.

Next week I finish work either at 5pm or 5.30pm so another week where my gym time will be limited...also on the saturday I have an appointment at home at 9.30am so I cannot make the gym...but the plan will be:

monday : 30 minute walk
tuesday : PT followed with 20 minutes cardio
wednesday : Rest day
thursday : PT followed with 20 minutes cardio
friday : Rest day
saturday : Rest day

So as you can see....its still not a big exercise week...but that is mainly due to finishing work so late. I could theoretically go to the gym tuesday and wednesday before work. The classes those mornings are tuesday there is a RPM class and wednesday a boxfit class....but maybe instead of doing either I might just go in and do some cardio for 45 minutes each morning. Following this week I am back to early finishes which means I have more choice of classes.

Weight wise....well ive kept a eye on the scales this week...and not looking promising LOL....i may even have a small gain - which is not uncommon when I have had a big loss the previous week. I am sure the heat we had the last few days hasnt helped either...but just gotta keep plodding on. Admittedly this week I havent really had my oats and protein powder for breakfast ... have been opting for fruit toast....so should knock that habit on the head. Will keep working at it all :)

Catch up time!

Something has happened over the last few weeks...and last night it made me realise something. Now I cannot go into everything that has occurred. But its to do with relationships.

A few years ago I dated someone....it (obviously lol) didnt work out...at the time i remember being out running with fiona saying "no more" "im too old for these games" Now i am not blaming this for my weight game...but we know our mindset is a huge part of weight loss..I do think it contributed to my mindset.

If you go back to one of my first posts on this journal back in 2006 (might even be the first one) ok was the first one...i checked in fact it was in the first sentance:

Day 1 of my journal

Welp this is it .... the new blog/journal. Lemme brief you all were im at...for those who don't know me i am 38 years old, single, lesbian. And wanting my life back .. oh and a girlfriend to go with it would be good too =) 

Getting a relationship and getting my life back were my goals. Simple as that. It wasnt about a number on the scales...and it wasnt about a dress size. But along the way....my first "dating experience" when id lost the weight when it didnt go how i wanted i threw the towel in. A conversation last night where I was asked some things made me realise you know i do want a relationship...the whole hog...not just talk to someone online....but the whole kit and kadoodle. I am not saying tomorrow i am going on a date lol....but it needs to be a goal....and when I admit that to myself that that is what I want....I get a clearer clarity....cos along with that comes the whole "getting my life back" part...I wanna jump on a plane and travel....i want to experience new cultures....i want to enhance my friendship base....i want to have more "experiences" and that I think is what "getting my life back" is about....more experiences.

Tomorrow I return for my first full week of ww with meetings....I snuck a peak at the scales this morning...not sure if they are up or down because of the fact i didnt weight the first 3 days of this past week, I also had my cycle so my weight has been all over the place...we will wait and see.

In other news. Someone said a comment the other day "100% out or 100 in"...following boredom a few evenings at home I decided it was time to get off my lazy butt and get back to the gym. And yes I did return to Fernwood :) When I resigned up....I knew I had some PT sessions left over...but wasnt sure how many...so asked...had NINE of the lil buggers! LOL So i have signed back up with my previous trainer Stacey....and will be training tuesday and thursday nights....which is perfect. I like the sessions to be spread out a lil...and I cannot go on Monday nights cos of WW so that works great :) Im very keen to get into it...im keen to see the increase in my ww activity points....on work days i currently earn 2-3 and i earnt 14 this week with no exercise so will be interesting to see how much they climb :)

And thats about it! Have a good new week :)

100% in or 100% out

I was thinking tonight about why I started on this weight loss journey. When I started in 2006 it wasnt to become a size 10, it wasnt to become the fittest person walking down the street....and it wasnt to wear a particular size. I had a fear of becoming that person confined to their home living on welfare, I was worried I would be featured on today tonight when firemen would have to break doors down to get me out of my home...I literally needed to save my life.

Now obviously I have not been near that kind of dire situation for about 9 years, its a different battle now....i still am trying to save my life (cos getting back to 170+ kilos is not really that far away) but it is now about wearing a size 10, it is now about being able to run 10kms, it is about getting into the best physical shape to live as healthy for as long as possible.

Tonight I didnt eat perfect. No binge but eating didnt go as planned. The last few nights I have definitely been bored in the evening....there is only so many evenings in a row of coming home and watching netflix i can handle LOL The other thing is being idle in the evenings doesnt help with the avoiding foods, that was one of the reasons why i exercised so much when i lost the weight before....cos it meant i wasnt mindlessly eating.

The odd thing is too i feel kinda like i have too many daily points. I like just enough food to keep me satisfied...but 40 points is quite a lot.  Ive tracked tomorrows food already....including snacks...and i have 14 points spare....thats a trap in my opinion...cos it can lead me to making unwise choices for more-ish foods.

But anyway starting tomorrow i want to go back to some of the "rules" i use to have before. No grains at dinner time (except on saturday nights), aiming for fruit and/or vegetables with all snacks/meals (apart from breakfast), going for unprocessed options.

Exercise wise i need to really decide. I mean im pretty sure ive decided what to do....just gonna sleep on it tonight. I read a saying today....either 100% in or 100% out. So whilst i was feeling a bit done with the gym a few weeks ago i think i am ready to get back into it all.

Oh another thing I noticed and I got back into starting today...and that was daily weighing....i know a lot dont like to do it...but i am so much more mindful about what i put in my body when i weigh daily.

Also back to exercise, i want this time things to be a bit more balanced. Monday nights will not be a gym night as i will be going to weight watchers,....the good news is tho i walk 20 minutes to the meeting and 30 minutes home...so theres a 50 minute walk each day :) I think 4 nights a week plus a walk on sundays for the moment would work. I definitely want to do zumba classes, body pump, body balance and maybe RPM. That would be my focus going back with some cardio (walking). I need to find my ipod too...I had a lil shuffle which i use to clip to my tshirt...havent seen it for ever,,,,definite gym necessity!

Redo over....Starting back at weight watchers :)

Ive been meaning to post but so slack sometimes!

The good news is i returned to weight watcher meetings :) The bad news? Weighing in the week my cycle was due, on a 36 degree day, in jeans and sneakers and after having eaten all day meant I was heavier then my weight when I did my first weigh in for online LOL So starting weight was 122.9 kilos and 40 points a day. So far I have stuck to my daily points every day (yay me) have used no activity or weekly ones :)

Then of course at the meeting....the discussion was on "metabolism" and yanno about different things that affect your metabolism....and of course the amount of muscle you have effects your metabolism....and as i sat around people who were saying they go to the gym etc I was of course thinking...if I wanna do this properly I do need to get structure back and get back to the gym.

Am i about to return to a gym? Im not sure....on one hand I want too...on the other hand since i have had this "break" i dont want to return without have the real desire.

The next question of course as well...is....which gym. I have around me numerous gyms....as well as a few fitness studios...there is a fitness studio 5 minutes from my house....but it is classes only and not Les Mills ones.

I guess when I get down to it....what I want/need.....is a supportive gym, with regular les mills classes.
When I think about it the things i need to consider is: travel, cost, support, les mills classes. To be honest the jetts around the corner from me wins on the travel and cost....the support and les mills classes well fernwood would win. Is it worth sacrificing the support and the quality classes for something being closer and a little cheaper? Im thinking not.

The one thing I do know...is no PT. I have come to realise I was spoilt by Fiona...and no one else will really ever match up to her LOL....the only thing I would consider doing is some outdoor sessions (ie running with fiona) and she may not even be interested! lol....and I think at the moment i am too large for that anyways (thinking about my joints) also i dont like running in the heat (and well neither does Fiona lol) but maybe march/april i would have a talk with her about doing sessions if i was at a good place mentally and committed to my journey.

So thats the update...where things are currently at :)

Week 1 weigh in

*drumroll* I lost an amazing 3.8 kilos :) Now that said thats not uncommon for me the first week back on track to lose in excess of 3 kilos. So that takes me to 118.6 kilos and my total loss is 54.5 kilos...would be nice to be back at 55 kilos lost next week :)

But now the first week is done...its time to consider this coming week and future weeks. My daily points dropped to 38 points. My focus will be to stick to the daily points and not use any of the weekly or activity points. My goal is to simply aim for a average from this week on of half a kilo a week. I think in the past I put too much pressure on myself....getting annoyed at anything that was under a 1 kilo loss. Not this time...I dont even care if some weeks it is a 200 gram loss....they all add up.

If I could aim for a half kilo loss per week I should be to double digits my July. So thats my focus by July 30 to be a double digit girl....but no pressure!

As i discussed yesterday, and the more I think about it the more content i am with this decision....no formal exercise till i am a double digit girl. I will prolly get into walking more...but nothing formal. I do seem to lose better when I dont exercise for some strange reason (think cos then the balance of energy is spot on....once i add in exercise it brings in the whole....am i eating enough to fuel my workouts etc) plus I kinda think....having the exercise in my back pocket to use down the track is not a bad thing.

Reflection : Giving up the gym

So its been about 10 days since i decided to quit the gym. It really was a hard decision to make and even once I had made the decision I felt bad...I felt guilty. Admittedly that only lasted for about 24 hours! LOL

So am I glad I am currently not a member of a gym? Actually yes. Doing that and going back to weight watchers has allowed me to focus simply on my eating. Theres no pressure. Simply stick to my daily points, eat nutritional food but try and eat foods I really enjoy. I have stuck to my daily points every day except melbourne cup day (altho wednesday I was accidently under by 2 points) and I have used 20 of my weekly points. Tomorrow is weigh in and I am hoping for a good result. :)

So stepping away from the gym has allowed me at my own pace to start to think about what are MY fitness goals, and when I do return to the gym I dont want to exercise "for weight loss" whatever track I go down I simply want to be active/exercise to support whatever fitness goal I have at the time. I keep going back to when I trained with Fiona, who I obviously had my best results with. Fiona always had I felt a unique approach .... I always felt she had a very holistic approach. The very first time I met Fiona....I stumbled while getting off a bike and I remember telling her I hated the gym....that it felt like a chore (sounds familiar eh?) at the end of that session...she wasnt saying to me...."our focus will be for you to lose 50 kilos"....it was "our focus will be on your balance and getting you to not hate the gym" In the years I trained with her she very rarely, if ever asked me about my weight loss. Sure it was discussed but mostly that was when I bought up the topic....I never felt pressure from her that there was a expectation to lose a set amount each week...or get down to a number on the scales.....her focus was always just on getting me a bit happier with myself. I use to do 3 PT sessions a week...the first year or so we did one which was strength training....one which was boxing (simply cos of the fact I loved boxing) and one was a focus on core and balance. Fiona was always led by me....she would tell me i know when to change things up from the conversations we had...especially in the beginning tho it was just about trying to enjoy the gym. And yanno i never "loved" the gym....but I enjoyed our sessions...I liked the variety and I became dedicated to the gym.

So anyway its led me to believe this break from the gym is doing me the world of good. Its definitely a weight lifted off my shoulders....its also led me to a point of slowly just reassessing fitness goals that i want. By not talking to others and being influenced by only my brain and nothing else....it is allowing me to get some clarity. Now that said...I prolly wont return to a gym till I am under 100 kilos. So where my head is at currently for fitness goals is:

1. zumba classes - i did one at my old gym....really enjoyed it so thats something Id like to do when I return to activity
2. adult ballet classes - this is prolly something more for when I am at goal but its always been at the back of my mind. I did ballet for years and was really good at it....so would love to get back into it at some point.
3.  running a half marathon - When i first joined a gym at 160 kilos...i would see these girls run on a treadmill...always seemed like ostritches....they just flew like they were weightless....and as a 160 kilo girl that was always a focus. Of course in the past i did run 12km in the city to bay...fiona used to tell me....you will never be a sprinter lol. Running has always been a goal for me and im a slow and steady person so eventually a half marathon would be a good goal.

I think when I do rejoin a gym....i will prolly do some strength training maybe twice a week....but the difference this time is i would prolly research strength training to support running goals. When I initially return also my focus wouldnt be on HIIT training (not knocking it just at my weight dont see the fitness benefit of doing 5 sprints for 30 seconds...now I know it makes you fitter and I know its good for weight loss...but as i said...i will want to exercise for my fitness goals (ie running) and this will be when i first rejoin) at that point my focus will be on slow, steady state cardio....I will be wanting to build up the time I can exercise. Cos not only do i ENJOY that more...the way i see it....thats what half marathon runners do!

Day 1 back at weight watchers :)

So I ended up deciding to bite the bullet and sign up for weight watchers online this morning :) So I drew that line in the sand and weighed in:

So the starting weight is 122.4 kilos. Because I decided to sign up so late last night I wasnt overly organised today but did manage to stick to my daily points (39 points). My aim will be only to use the weekly points in emergencies unless i am not losing (and that would prolly only if i am exercising) Tonight i pulled out a protein ball i had in the freezer....boiled some eggs....a lite jelly....plus oats and protein powder for breakfast and lunch time some vita-weets (6) with 80 grams of cream cheese. And tomorrow night will be a miso salmon with a soba noodle salad (like one of my favourite meals!)

Its a very nice feeling thinking right at the moment that I really only need to focus on my eating.

Im really not thinking about the gym. I think before I even decide what gym or whatever ill go back to next year...while everyone says "left heavy" i dont think thats what I want. If i honestly think about "exercise goals" id like to eventually go back to adult ballet classes and the ultimate goal would be to run a half marathon. And while yes I would want to do some lifting....I wouldnt want to focus on that....endurance and cardio fitness will be my focus. But thats not till next year! :)

My ankle joint is really painful today - i think its related to my weight...the sooner i get closer to 100 kilos the better for my joints!

Where to now?

So those who follow my weight loss facebook group (and if you dont why not???? jk) will know ive made a few decisions of late.

So what were the decisions? The first one was a big one and even after posting I still felt really guilty about it...today a few days later I am feeling quite content with the decision :) AND the decision was to take a break from attending a gym. Ive done it for years and just tired of it. I was putting money into gym memberships and personal trainers....but I wasnt putting 100% of me into it. For months now its felt like a job. Something I had to do and didnt really enjoy doing and when I skipped a night feeling incredibly guilty. So I came to the conclusion to take a break from it and focus on my eating.

Which led me too...what am I going to do about my eating? What do I really need if I ever want to be successful? The answer to that for me, and most likely most people is support. And that was a main factor in deciding I will return to weight watchers. In a perfect world i would attend meetings...but people! This is not a perfect world ;) so I will be doing it online. The ww community on instagram is quite big and that was a huge factor in this decision. I have since also joined a ww FB group which is rather active....lots of threads on food ideas, the plan etc so Im spending quite a bit of time on there! My plan is to resign up on saturday 7th as I want a lil break from tracking. I am planning to prolly buy some ww food scales this week (as mine are not reliable) and start to spend time being creative with my food, as fiona would say, start to focus on enjoying my journey.

My achilles is still a issue. I am doing my calve stretches...will give that a few weeks and then if no difference I will need to see a podiatrist to get orthotics.

As to the gym I definitely wont step into one again this year lol. Maybe early next year, or maybe ill look at doing workouts at home. Certainly I think I have invested enough money on PTs over the years...if i want a successful exercise life....once the time comes I think I will rely on myself and motivate myself (and really there is so much free information on the net and I have good form I dont really need a PT)

Things are good! :)

So things are going ridiculously well! I feel happier then I have for a long time :)

I was nervous about returning to Goodlife....but funny thing happened....Ive just realised this is about me and no one else...so I really have had like a lightbulb moment where I dont care who else is in the gym! I did PT both tuesday and thursday night for 45 minutes each...followed by some HIIT. Today I went in and did my first workout alone...this was like at 11am....quite a few males working out in the weights area...but i didnt let it bother...got in there and got the business done! It took me a lil under a hour....was a combination of weights and HIIT.

Foodwise I have been eating 1850 calories. When I weighed in on tuesday I was down 2 kilos...so was down to 121.9 kilos. I then fluctuated up a lil (cos i think i had DOMs) but this morning i was down 1.4 kilos from last tuesdays weigh in :) My activity levels have definitely improved without going crazy. Walking 5 days a week for a hour. And now 45-60 minutes at the gym 5 nights a week :)

I think mentally the walking at lunchtime...going down to the lake even tho im only there for 7-8 minutes has really helped me. Plus i think that increase of activity allows me to eat a bit more calories...i am all for that! Pretty much my workout routine for the next few weeks is :

monday: 1 hour walking + legs workout
tuesday: 1 hour walking + PT session (full body workout) + 10 minutes HIIT
wednesday: 1 hour walking + cardio workout
thursday: PT session (intervals) + 10 minutes HIIT
friday: Upper workout
saturday: 1 hour walking
sunday: 1 hour walking

September 9

So yesterday I went to the dietician and exercise physiologist. I had a few questions before going which I feel were answered. The biggest one being why can I be eating the exact same thing....and one week gain and one week lose. They explained thats simply my PCOS and when that happens....it could last for as much as SIX weeks! But it is simply a case of sticking with it...the scales will eventually move again.

The dietitian basically told me to cut back on my protein and to eat low fat and low GI, especially dairy. She also told me to only eat 1300 calories. Honestly the truth? I think I can eat approx 1600 calories and lose...I think my focus needs to be on exercise. I have sent a message thru to Candice at goodlife to see about PT....if she can train me ill do 30 minute sessions twice a week.

My fluids certainly need improving .... nothing crazy just want to ensure i drink 1.5 litres a day....so far today I have drank 1.2 litres.

As well as PT .... I just wanna get walking and doing classes. Thats what worked before.

Hopefully my achilles is also on the improve...I saw a physio today...she massaged the crap out of my calve. It hurt a incredible amount...and she has given me stretches....so hopefully they will help!

And Candice just messaged me...she is happy to train me again...so hopefully that will start in the next week or so...just working out times etc :)

Time for a long weekend!

So things have been happening :)

I decided due to the PT stuff to switch gyms where there are PTs available in evenings. So I have signed up for a new gym...but i will wait a week or so before organising PT, simply cos I want to see the dietitian and exercise physiologist first - and I have a appointment for both of them on thursday :) I am positive I will do PT twice a week...but I want to go to them with what the exercise physiologist says. I am actually hoping to train with my old trainer Candice...if not I will go in completely the other direction and go with a male trainer :) Figuring maybe changing things up will work...but Ill wait and see if Candice can train me first.

I will be starting at the gym on tuesday. Only reason I am not this weekend is cos of my achilles. I think I figured out that the shoes of being wearing of late have been making it worse. Normally I wear asics but ive been wearing nike 5.0's and they really have no support so I have been actively doing stretches...started last night wearing the asics again...hopefully it will at least improve by tuesday...i think that most likely in a few weeks time it will be time for a physio visit (i hate going to physios tho cos they always try to flog off pilattes classes and chit)

I do feel like this is all a good move for me and most importantly the right move for me.

My sister is down in Adelaide at the moment...believe we are out for dinner and a movie tonight....should be good....enjoy your long weekend all :)

Where to now....

This is really a long overdue post. And I have not wanted to post it for fear it would be seen innappropriate. But then I remembered a time when Fiona was training me outside of fernwood (after she no longer worked there) but we were keeping it on the down low....and I remember her commenting "I want you to be able to be authentic on your journal"

So this is like the most honest I can be about my journey, and where its at, and the issues/things I currently need to resolve to move forward.

Firstly my right achilles. Its been giving me pain since about January but has decidedly got worse. So I think its time to head to a physio...Ive been putting this off cos last time Iwent to a physio (last year over my back) they did the hard sell trying to get me to committ to pilatte classes and weekly physio sessions etc etc...so I havent wanted the hard sell. I know quite likely all i need is a couple of sessions of deep massage on my calve. So thats kinda the first thing I need to attend too. The only thing with that is since I will be seeing a exercise physiologist and they have already asked about my injuries I will wait till I see them before getting to a physio...I do have some exercises I can do at home.

Food. Yanno food is not really the issue. As a general rule I am on track, I track and weigh everything and I try and eat clean wherever possible.

Exercise. Okay this is something that is a issue..in a number of ways. Firstly I suspect when I see the dietitian and exercise physiologist I think they will tell me a hour of cardio per day...gonna just have to suck that up! In relation to Personal Training....and this is what I have tried not to post about ... but in my mind there is a issue there. Basically the situation is I want to do 2-3 PT sessions a week with one trainer. My gym doesnt have the capability for that. So currently I do 1 PT session a week....but I really am not sure what I will do regarding this. I know when I got my best results I had one trainer I saw 3 times a week who was invested...who put time in to planning...and who really loved training people and was someone I just clicked with. I know thats what I need. So for me right now PT still feels very up in the air and I guess cos of that I dont feel very committed. While I am appreciative of doing one session per week...I dont honestly feel 1 session a week does a heck of a lot (no offense to anyone who does one session a week) I just find for me doing 2 to 3 sessions per week spread out over the week....and all sessions working together to get to my ultimate goals is what works best for me.

I really just want to get to this exercise physiologist and dietitian. Get the number of calories and/or macros i need to focus on and the amount of exercise i need and get on with this...I am just not committed to anything weight loss related at the moment in all honesty.  Things were going good a few months ago...but with a lot of the changes that have occurred....that level of focus just hasnt been maintained.

Quality over quantity

So I am nearing the end of day 2.

No diet coke. No cheese (apart from feta which at this stage I havent had anyway). No whey products including protein powders and quest bars (this is a struggle). Most days eating burgen bread instead of white or multigrain. And aiming for as much natural, organic foods as possible.

So far so good. I have had headaches from cutting out the diet coke but have lived on panadeine forte for the past 27 hours or so LOL (i take panadeine forte as I am allergic to nurofen). Which has meant I have slept a lot. 11 hours last night and I have just woken from a nap.

The hardest thing so far is breakfast. I leave for work as early as 6.05am and I eat my breakfast at work. For that reason, rolled oats and protein powder has worked a treat for me...but I have felt I have been having too much protein powder. When I research whey protein powder and PCOS I get a lot of varying opinions on whether it is a issue or not. I did look on examine.com....and it didnt say that whey affects hormone levels....and I suspect 30 grams a day would be fine...90 grams a day not so much ;) Anyway back to breakfast, I need a easy portable breakfast and actually really like my oats :( When I lost the weight before I ate weetbix with honey and milk everyday....I dont mind weetbix but dont love them and due to ear/balance issues have been avoiding milk since approx april so dont really want to reintroduce it. This morning I had oats, with natural peanut butter. Which is fine to have...definitely very natural....the only issue is I also have gone back to a banana with PB for my snack too...so it may be too much fat. Then again I am cutting out cheese.

Ultimately at the moment I am trying to eat very bare then I will slowly add SOME things back in to see if I can maintain weight loss. I mean if over the next few weeks I do consistently lose...well haha *throws hands up in the air"....no if the losses dont happen there are a couple of things I could try (before I see the dietician and exercise physiologist) I could try dropping the cals to 1200...I could also try carb cycling...and also dramatically increasing my exercise (not tempted by this at all lol). But eating this way worked last time...so I guess I will be surprised if it doesnt work. If it doesnt tho...all joking aside....the exercise will need to increase....but we will see..its not like I am doing NO exercise at the moment...just not the same level as 4 years ago.

Its interesting, ive listened for years to the "your not a special snowflake" people suggesting...one cardio is pointless...heavy lifting was the only way to go and you need to eat more...and as long as you are in a calorie deficit you will lose weight. Well damn im obviously a special snowflake LOL cos being in a calorie deficit is no guarantee I will lose...going back to what Jillian says...not about quantity but quality :)

Friday....

So when I woke this morning (after having a very strange dream about stealing bacon lol) i got up....threw out the last quest bar....threw down the drain the last 3 cans of diet coke in the house.

Interesting thing yesterday, I drank water in the morning....and had drank about 1.2 litres by morning tea time. I then went and had a diet coke...and it was so chemically tasting....and I found for the rest of the day (as I did drink a total of 2.4 litres of water) everytime I drank diet coke it felt chemical like. So deciding enough was enough wasnt so hard.

Ive had my weetbix for breakfast...thankfully i do like them...while there is nothing wrong with oats i really wanna see how i go not eating any whey protein powder....cos being the PCOS girl that I am maybe my body doesnt love it. That said i did use to use it before when i lost weight....but it was a maximum of 30 grams a day....not the current 80+ grams a day, plus lets face it .... its not natural. The other thing too is the one time i did go to a dietician quite a few years ago they told me not to drink protein shakes instead eat my calories...which makes complete sense.

Anyway today is friday...to the gym tonight....will try and do at least 2 rounds of the workout my trainer wrote me before I do body pump. :)

Things are happening

So today still wasnt a perfect eating day. It was all good till about 2.30pm but i had organised food for a meeting at work for everyone...and it was yummy and I couldnt resist ;)

After work I went to the doctors to discuss my weight loss. I talked to him about going on to metformin and also about seeing a dietician....he thinks the best way forward is for me to see a dietician and exercise physiologist...so I go back next week to get that all organised.

For the meantime tho I have decided to structure my eating back how I did when i lost the weight...which is primarily:

breakfast : 2 weetbix + honey + milk
Snack : banana and tahini
lunch : roast turkey sandwich on burgen bread
snack : nuts/seeds
Dinner : Some form of protein salmon or chicken with vegies and maybe 20 grams feta cheese
snack : 1 caramello bear

As you can see its pretty basic eating and apart from the caramello bear all minimally processed. I primarily ate like that 6 days a week....saturdays which were always a high calorie day were always slightly different. If this works it just proves to me its more then just about calories in vs calories out...it really is about quality of food. Which i have always known but you know you think...well if i can get away with eating x,y,z why not eat it?

The other thing when I thought about it....I eat a decent amount of protein these days...usually 120 grams or more....but what I realised was this is mostly from FAKE protein...so quest bars, protein powder (its not uncommon for me to digest 80 grams of protein powder a day)

The good thing I did do today tho is I did manage to drink 2.4 litres of water. My aim will be for 3 litres a day so I will focus on that.

Time for change and to really knuckle down!

Weigh in day

What a day!

I weighed in and I gained 800 grams. I wasnt surprised I gained as all week I had been gaining....but still a lil disappointed....when you do the right thing all week its annoying. Exercise wise I had exercised more then previous weeks...2 PT sessions, 2 body balance classes, 1 body pump class, and climbed up and down 18 flights of stairs. So while it wasnt the amount of exercise i did 4 or so years ago..it was still a decent amount. I have to admit i got a pissed today about it all (even tho it was only 800 grams!) and didnt eat good...but whats done is done...on track again tomorrow :)

I did talk to my food coach and agreed water needs to be a focus this week. She doesnt think my diet coke is a issue (altho maybe not drinking it as much as i have been) but making getting my water in a priority. When I trained at goodlife with candice a year or two ago,,,,,she had me buy some BCAAs which help with muscle recovery and u add to water....they are pretty damn tasty too and zero cals....so i think as im getting back into the exercise anyway and am having some muscle aches (surprisingly my calves currently) i think starting tomorrow ill start off with a water with that.....there is 750mls or so that ill be able to drink easily and then that should get the day started off well..I will only have the BCAAs once a day.

Tomorrow night I have made a appointment at the docs....the appointment is solely to discuss my weight loss. I am going to talk to him about trying to organise a dietician....and also talk to him about whether i should go onto metformin or not (whilst im not diabetic or insulin resistant it is used to help balance out hormones for females with PCOS) I suspect he will send me off for some blood tests (joyous! lol)

The other thing to focus on is exercise....my evenings really need to become about exercise. Tonight i did zumba and actually enjoyed it....i burnt 550 cals in 61 minutes so not a bad effort. I will need to where I can (and that may be limited fit zumba in), also decided on monday nights (which is the only night currently i do PT) i will do a double PT session. This week ive done pretty good exercise wise....monday was balance, some cardio and PT, last night i did my program and climbed up 7 flights and tonight was zumba. For the rest of the week friday will be pump....and saturday i will try and get to the gym early enough to do my workout...then pump and balance.

Next week is my last week on early finishes at work for a few weeks...so my plan is:

monday : balance & double PT
tuesday : RPM & my workout (my workout takes just under a hour)
wednesday: zumba and yoga
thursday: pump & my workout
friday: pump
saturday: my workout & body pump & body balance

So thats where things stand at the moment....fingers crossed for a better loss next week!

And up they go!

Today, mentally with this weight loss journey is kinda a blah day. The scales went up AGAIN....last monday morning I hit 114.7 kilos....every day since I have had small gains...taking the total gain to 1.3 kilos. Initially I figured it was due to my cycle...but its continued to go up...even on 1200 calorie days. This mornings gain I kinda understand cos I am a lil sore after pump and balance and yesterday was also a high cal day of 1800 calories. But in the back of my mind I am like...I could gain 1.3 kilos without spending time in the gym or with my head stuck in MFP tracking calories and macros. But the sensible part of me knows it cannot keep going up (surely not??? lol) and that I just have to stick at it and really focus on exercise....while exercise wont necessarily make the number on the scales go down quicker....it will hopefully help more with reshaping my body as well as improving my fitness, cardiovascular etc.

One thing I really have come to realise over the last few days, cos I have been thinking about it a LOT....is i need to rely more on me. And i kinda touched on this the other day...having PT sessions is all good and well...and back in 2008 there was no doubt i needed them...mentally as well as physically. I am at a different place now...I need to be a lot more in control of what I do or dont do. I am still doing PT twice a week....but thats simply 2 x 30 minute sessions a week....I really need to be active at least 4 days a week. And im the only one who can do that. I really need to just force myself more into the gym classes. Thats honestly where I feel my focus needs to be. Classes worked for me before...they can work for me again. Of course its highly unlikely I will do combat again lol...but the rest of the classes I can get back into. And even if i dont lose weight at the rate i want....as long as I am healthier today then i was yesterday....theres a reason it took me a long time to lose weight last time...and lets be honest...im 47, with PCOS those 2 things alone are going to go against me.

Not a lot else going on today....getting washing done....and getting organised for the coming week....I am on earlies again this week...which means...5.30am alarms lol which means being super organised cos im kinda hopeless in the mornings ;)

Saturday :)

So I woke up in a surprisingly good mood...suprising because the scales went up AGAIN! 115.6 kilos this morning. Anyway i was a bit pissed...initially thought "bugger this" but yanno what the bugger it attitude doesnt help...the only thing that will help is sticking to the plan and going to the gym :)

So i went in and did 10 minutes on the xtrainer, 60 minute body pump class and 60 minute body balance class...and I felt good, definitely glad I got off my ass and did them :)

I then went to kmart to buy some socks...walked out with socks, 1 t shirt, 2 tank tops, and 1 pair of trackies. I then went op shopping and bought 4 or 5 tops...one is a gorgeous top from cue....size 14 so long way till i will be fitting into it...a couple of the other tops fit me now...and a couple are ones to grow into :) YAY :)

It was a lovely day and tomorrow is suppose to be 29! I am planning to go walking around the torrens! Need to really get active everyday...its the only difference between now and when i was losing 2 weeks ago...so time to get active! Im thinking this for the coming week:

monday : balance or boxing and PT
tuesday : PT and CXWORX
wednesday : zumba
thursday : body pump
friday : stairs and body pump
saturday : body pump and body balance
sunday : walking

Weigh in result

As per usual I am behind on my posting ;) I should post more regularly would prolly help me...but...im kinda lazy LOL

Weight loss wise I lost 900 grams this week and was sitting at 115 kilos....my cycle arrived on tuesday and as of this morning i am sitting at 115.2 kilos...not much of a gain considering its my cycle....but STILL id like the scales to start moving in the right direction again!

Exercise wise...well...i did 3 PT sessions this week...but that will prolly change to 2 PT sessions a week from next week....but heres the thing....I NEED to motivate myself. Yanno i did PT with fiona all those years ago...cos well quite frankly I needed it...at 150 kilos....my headspace, confidence etc needed a lot of work....fiona helped immensely with that and also with keeping things logical and not getting caught up in other peoples expectations, opinions etc. Now I still lack confidence at times...not all the time but at certain times....and mostly its at the gym. I tried to think this week why dont i go to the gym like i did when i lost the weight before. Partly I think its cos i was 80 kilos and now im 115 kilos....it doesnt matter that im under 173 kilos....i have felt how it feels to be only 80 kilos...i have heavy now....its a effort...i have achilles pain (which means walking distances isnt really doable) im sure thats related to my weight....my knees ache (altho admittedly ive noticed in the last week or two that has started to improve). Now im gonna say something now and i know people will go "no that isnt true" but the truth is its how i feel. I feel out of place at the gym. I get that people go to the gym to lose weight and get fit...dont worry i get that....but i feel out of place....when I go into a class i guess i just feel i dont belong. Now i guess forcing myself into the classes eventually i would get over this. But right at this precise moment thats how I feel. And im sure lots of people feel this....and i guess it comes down to will i push myself to get past that barrier....if i honestly want to get my health back long term the gym has to feature into it. The other thing is...body combat *sigh*.... it was the one aerobic/cardio class I liked...but being the total klutz i am....and the fact about the last 5 times I did this class I fell in it everytime (breaking my wrist one of these times) id love to go back to it....but in all honesty i cannot even risk it....everytime I think about classes....i think about body combat. :(

Anyway the fact of the matter is i need to just start doing...not cos someone at the gym thinks i should....but simply cos of the fact i know it will get results and i know its healthy for me...and maybe, maybe, maybe one day cos i actually enjoy it (again lol)

Not a heck of a lot going on...today is my low cal day....and i am so ready for it to be over with! LOL Enjoy all :)

Xmas Goal...

Again i am overdue a post! ;)

Weightloss wise things went great this week !! My changes to the macros seemed to work really well and I lost 2.4 kilos. :) Today we had a free lunch at work....my macros werent perfect but i came in under calories which is the main thing.

NOW. Ive decided to set a real HUGE goal. I think I have a tendancy to be complacent so think I need something to strive for that needs me working at it every single day to get to it. And the goal I have decided on would make me deliriously happy if i met it :) And ta-da....that goal is to weigh 99.9 kilos or less by the time I fly out on December 21. As of this morning I weigh 115.8 kilos...and I have approximately 3.5 months to do it....so it is do able but will need me to be focused 150%! My eating out and social occassions I want to keep to a very bare minimum. I want this to be my total focus.

So how so I think I will meet this goal since its taken me nearly 5 months to lose 11.3 kilos????

Well I think with the focus on macros and calorie cycling I have happening now...I feel I have the nutrition on target as long as I stick to it. In regards to exercise .... wellllllllllllllllllllllll! LOL I have a number of spare PT sessions....so starting next week I am increasing to 4 PT sessions a week. I need to work out 6 days a week....and some days when I cannot get to the gym (like saturdays coming up I will be working) I will do a workout at home....and as day light savings isnt too far away....on sundays (as i will be working some sundays soon) i will do some walks in the evening. So my plan for exercise for the next 10 days is:

saturday : body pump + 20 minutes cross trainer
sunday : 6km walk
monday : body balance + PT
tuesday : 45 minutes cardio + PT
wednesday : PT + 20 minutes cross trainer
thursday : body pump + PT
friday : 20 minutes cardio + body pump
saturday : body pump + body balance
sunday : 6km walk

Ideally to meet this goal by christmas....it works out like this....there is 109 days from today (lol)...which means I need to average 1.02 kilos (lol...just for exact measure) per week. Which means if I lost 4 kilos this month (so am 111.8 or less) by October 1.....then I am slightly ahead of my goal target.

I cannot even explain how happy it would make me to get down to under 100 kilos....this photo is me at about 98 kilos previously

I mean....come on people....it seems insane to think I could look like that before the year is out! The other good thing is if I did meet this goal....I would be in a range where for my joints it would feel safe enough for me to start running again. So thats the goal....that i think consistency with my nutrition and hard work is completely achievable!

Finally....MFP premium for kazz :)

I got a lil excited today when I discovered I can now get premium MFP. I have been hanging out for this...and to say i was excited was the understatement of the year :)

I got it for one month to trial it...but next month i will pay for a full year of it. The bonus of it, being a calorie cycler it allows me to set a calorie range different for each day. Which means I dont have to rely on the note app on my phone where I would keep this info :) It also allows you to put ur macros in by grams. For anyone who doesnt know....macros...refer to protein, carbs, and fat... for my protein i basically set it at 1 gram per pound of lean body mass...which is 137 grams....my aim is to hit that as a minimum. My fat goal i set to 39 grams every day except saturday which is my high calorie day....and thats basically to prevent me going on a carb binge on saturdays LOL...and also allow me to have one day a week that i can easily fit in some nut butters or avocado etc. This really allows me to manipulate my calories...and also just cos its a higher calorie day ... wont necessarily more carbs. On my 1600 calorie days my carbs will spike to 175 grams of carbs....while my 1800 calorie day as I am having higher fat the carbs will only be 110 grams. Overal my carbs will vary from 109 grams to 175 grams. This is a very different way of doing it for me....and I will watch it and see how it goes. I know without a doubt my body likes change and responds best to not the same thing everyday. This is keeping to the same calorie cycle pattern I have been doing for the last week or so...it just manipulates the balance of the macros :)

So I have tracked for the next 7 days. I also found to hit these macros i needed to really eat clean, and I think its time to really knuckle down on that. Prolly the only thing thats not clean I am eating is one quest bar per day and protein powder. Its also led me to some different meals (next saturday 2 pieces of toast with egg, tomato, and avocado on it for lunch....yes please!). Its also bought my sodium down most days...one day is around 2000 mg the rest of the days between 1200 and 1700 mgs...so happy with that....the really high sodium day is 4 days before weigh in day...so plenty of time for me to lose any fluid i might retain from that slight increase. So I feel good about all that...if I stick to it...theres no reason for the scales to get moving!

A lil sore from PT and pump yesterday...mostly my triceps...but nothing too bad. I was getting some pain in my elbow...was after the squat track...think it was from having my elbow bent...maybe i had too much tension in my forearms holding the bar...I know ive had the issue before when doing the trx....so will keep a eye on that.

Enjoy ur weekend all!

Back to the gym...

I ended up having today off from work so I scheduled a PT session. Just a 30 minute session. I am like 80% over this cold but thought it was important to get back into a routine...and I have committed to going in for body pump tonight. My big focus right now is building my gym routine.

I have decided at least in the short term to kinda pull myself in a bubble...this journey just needs to have my focus 100% so I am planning to limit/restrict the socialising for a while. I know you dont need to do that....but at this stage I feel like socialising turns into for me too much of how can i fit in A, B & C and ultimately leads to some unwise choices...so just for a lil while I am going to say no a bit so i can really keep my nutrition in check.

Starting next week I am also going to have another personal trainer. I am still training with Stacey on tuesday nights and monday nights short term will be a double PT session with the new trainer (who I have heard nothing but good things about) ultimately i want to do PT over 3 nights per week and that will hopefully come with time :)

After the gym today I went clothes shopping :) I went to city chic and bought some new jeans. My current ones are a size 22 and are so loose I can take them off without undoing the button or zipper (they are more like trackie pants these days LOL) I was hoping with all the centimetres I have lost I might be down to a size 18....but alas no. Size 20. But they are a good fit. Only annoying thing is I see again how big my thighs are .... its not so obvious with the super loose ones :)

I then went to Amart as I have a $150 voucher for there....bought a set of weight lifting gloves (which my precious hands were very desperate for!)...a black crop top for under my clothes....a black kinda netted tshirt...which is super nice...really flattering....and also a orange tank top...they were all sizes 18 and nice fits.

Today is only a 1200 calorie day...all going good so far. I had oats and protein powder for breakfast....lunch i had a whole 237 grams of salmon (my new favourite food) with soba salad (I have included a pic below of it)...and I am about to have a mint chunk quest bar and dinner will be a omlette with ham, some cheese and vegies....still leaves me with 100 calories spare :)

Salmon and Soba Noodle Salad

The next month....

So tonight I feel much better :) I had some doubts and I guess confusion over whether what I was doing was right and even wondering if at my age am I too old for my body to get the weight loss thing happening.

So to back track slightly....I gained this week...1.1 kilos....why did I gain? No idea! Could be the food when I was in Sydney...whilst I think I picked good choices....you just dont know how much sodium and oil etc is used when eating out. I have had pharyngitis for the last few days...I am getting over it quite easily (quite different to last year when I was sick!) but this week I have taken lemsip and panadeine forte, plus soothers....so they or just the fact my body is busy fighting germs could be contributing. Lack of exercise....Ive done no PT this week due to being sick and travelling...and while yes I did walk in Sydney and hit a minimum of 10,000 steps per day....what I know my body needs is intensity...1 hour of intense cardio will do way more for my body then 20,000 steps will ever do.

So I talked to Lauren (my food coach) and we decided on for a few things...I am 118.3 kilos on my scales this morning....and we will review things on september 23....we wont change calories or anything between now and then. So calorie cycling with a average of 1485 calories. No carbs (as in grains) after 2pm (including fruit...I will need to eat my fruit in the morning), vegetables predominantly green ones...hello spinach and bok choy! and aiming for as clean as possible.

Exercise wise....going to mostly focus on cardio....I will do pump once a week...prolly some weights in PT....but nothing overly heavy. I always did pump when I lost my weight before...and that its lighter weights/higher repition I think prolly works as it does add a cardio component to it.

I have decided to walk the city to bay...which is on september 20 (nothing like deciding 3 weeks before hand!) So my plan on sundays for the next few weeks is to walk 10kms each sunday....if I know I can do 10kms....then 12kms will be fine (after all when I ran it I had never run more then 10kms before hand) I am also going to do 20 minutes on the cross trainer per day to try and help build up my cardio.

Anyway....tomorrow I am resting and friday is up in the air (I will be at the gym just not sure what I will be doing yet....maybe yoga?) but starting saturday the next 9 days will look like this:

saturday : pump and balance
sunday : walk 10kms
monday : 1 hour PT and 20 mins cross trainer & walk up 7 flights of stairs
tuesday : 30 mins PT and 20 mins cross trainer & walk up 7 flights of stairs
wednesday : 20 minutes cross trainer + a cardio workout 1 (see below!)
thursday : RPM or TTT + 20 mins cross trainer + walk up 7 flights of stairs
friday : cardio workout 2 + 20 minutes on cross trainer
saturday : pump and balance
sunday : walk 10kms



cardio workout 1:

2.5km walk/jog
1000 metre row
40 burpees (against bench or using bosu ball)
40 pushups
40 jumpsquats holding 10 kilo plate
80 reps on leg press machine (95 kilos)
40 side steps with elastic band


cardio workout 2:

walk up 7 flights of stairs
row 500 metres
100 boxing jabs
1 minute battle ropes or skipping
100 upper cuts
1 minute battle ropes or skipping
100 hooks
15 reverse crunches
15 crunches
row 500 metres


Towards the end of next week I will post the following weeks workout...as it will slightly change as I am on earlier starts at work for a few weeks which means getting to all the classes I want to do is much do-able.

Stick to my calories and exercise and hopefully on september 23 I will be a much smaller number then 118.3 kilos! :)

And the holiday is over.....

Back from my holiday! And sick :(

Bahahah....actually i am improving already (yay)

The holiday was good....its nice to get away to somewhere completely....to have that time out to give thought to you and only you. I really thought a lot about what I want and how I want to go about getting it.

There was a discussion whilst away about relationships, goals etc... I definitely do not want a relationship at the moment...I am very focused on me right now and I dont want to lose that. My big goal for my life after this weight loss journey is definitely about sculpting the body I want and travel and possible doing something online to "pay it forward"

Anyway i came home with a dose of pharyngitis! LAWD!! But thankfully I eat so well now...and whilst i am not at goal weight...obviously eating well for most of the last 4 months obviously my insides, my immune system etc is obviously improved from last year. I have had it for 24 hours...tomorrow back to work and the gym....that wouldnt have happened last year. So while going back to the gym as I have a food coaching session...I wont go too hard....the aim will be just to do 30-40 minutes of slow steady state cardio.

As to the scales....I weighed in last wednesday morning at 117.2 kilos....i then did a weight workout and the scales went up 900 grams....friday morning i weighed 118.1 kilos....this morning i was 118.3 kilos....so 200 gram gain whilst away....and considering I am sick...and have things like panadeine forte in my system...I feel pretty good....I dont think there will be a loss this week but considering travel and sickness a gain under 1 kilo is acceptable...but the last 6-8 weeks i have been fluctuating within 1-2 kilos...its time to get serious! I want to be under 110 kilos by christmas and that will take work. So time for serious focus and working out 60 minutes six times a week.

When I was in Sydney we went into autograph and I tried on this size top...size 16 and a fitted shirt...so I am planning to go get that this coming weekend. Also this weekend...after the gym on saturday going to the markets to do some nice organic food shopping! Time for super focus :)

Plans...

I am in a food coaching session last night and Lauren says "i notice you only come to the gym when you have a PT session...".....can we say busted? LOL it is true. And when I trained with fiona it was true...I trained 4 days a week back then....monday...tuesday...thursday...saturday....but they were all BIG days. I was fit enough to do back 2 back classes...a PT session and then finish off with some cardio. These days I am not that fit ;) So the answer is I need to be a LOT more consistent, if I am only fit enough to do 60-90 minutes a day....thats fine...it just needs to be something that is done most days if not all days. By that I know rest days are important...but for me....rest days have become turning into a sloth in front of netflix....not like the old days where a "rest day" for me would be a day where i "just" walk.

I also want to start focus more on variety and clean, nutritionally dense foods. I use to go to the markets after the gym on a saturday...pick up organic meat...i wouldnt shop for my fruit n veg at the local foodland I would instead go to the markets. So once I get home from Sydney I will be building that back into my routine...Im keen for not only more organic chicken but also turkey.

ANOTHER thing i havent done is....OP SHOPPING! I used to do it a lot...and it was always encouraging and now I am getting smaller (I lost another 18 centimetres when my measurements were done last night :)) I need to start finding clothes in size 16 & 18 so I have some cute clothes to grow into. When I get back I also NEED to buy new jeans...my current ones I can take off without undoing the zipper or button LOL they are kinda like trackpants now ;)

Tomorrow morning we go to Sydney! A holiday so you would think thats being off track and eating all the foods i can find right? NOPE....taking my breakfasts....will buy some quest bars and fruit when I get their tomorrow. Lunch and dinner I plan to try and find nutritionally dense foods. We are planning to go to Lindt cafe at some point...and that will be my treat (but within my calories) ... so my main focus while in sydney will be...stay under calories....be aware of sodium high foods...and eat foods with lots of nutrients :) Activity wise...ive charged my fitbit charge HR and want to earn at least 10,000 steps a day....Im kinda seeing Sydney as a time to just focus on nutrition....then when I get back...tuesday....into getting active and a good routine going with the gym. :)

Balance

I have always strongly believed in balance whilst on your weight loss journey. I feel its really important to not only be aiming for physical health but also mental health. Ive also believed that you need a balanced approach not a obsessive approach.

When I look at priorities in my life...health is number one. The main thing tho I need to attend to on a daily basis is work...without work I cannot pay for good food, gym memberships, PT sessions etc etc so its a very important cog :) After that comes my weight loss...I have said it before...this is more then about losing 10 kilos of "vanity pounds" this is literally about saving my life and never weighing 173.1 kilos again.

After that I have aimed for things to be balanced....social life, hobbies, friends, etc etc. And I truly believe all that but I feel my "balance" is out of balance. Going out socialising has become quite the thing for me...now I am no partier LOL...but just going out for meals regularly...which generally mean an abundance of calories. At work...when they give out cake, chocolate, food for special events etc etc...I have taken a much more "i wanna be normal so I am having some approach"

I feel right now...apart from my job....everything else needs to take a back seat and my eating and exercise take a priority. I need to step inside me (if you get what i mean)...and focus on me...and my goals....not how others percieve me...as "normal" or not....my gym sessions need to be appointments....I need to stop cancelling gym sessions....for a bunch of lame reasons..."oh i want to sleep in".... "oh i want to socialise with that person".... I need to put me completely first....so no cancelling gym sessions for ANYTHING or ANYONE....others wouldnt do it for me...and to be honest I am getting tired of saying yes to everything...yet its not reciprocated. Now none of this is said in anger or whatever....its just time to put me first and above everyone else (and anyone who matters and cares about me would agree).

So with that said...my plans this week are:

mon : Double PT session
tuesday : PT session
wednesday : Food coaching plus some weight work.
thursday: TTT class
Friday: Rest day (flying to sydney)
Saturday: Rest day (Sydney)
Sunday: 10km walk around manly :)

My intention to is to do 20 minutes of cardio after every session...even tho I am usually dead...going to try and hit the xtrainer for 15 minutes and 5 minutes on the stair climber....gonna blast this fat if its the last thing I do. :)

Update :)

So it always seems like lots is going on lately!

So it looks like...possibly I will soon be doing 4 PT sessions a week lol. I have quite a number of sessions owing to me...about 12....and so i am thinking i will increase the sessions to 3 a week then out of my "surplus" use one each week...that would see me doing 4 sessions a week for about 3 months...which could be a awesome kick in the pants for me ;)

My nutrition these days is MOSTLY good...it still needs some work...but I know if I stick at it...eating clean 80% of the time...calorie cycle....the weight loss will come. The hardest thing for me has been settling into a gym routine. Mostly because when I start to exercise (like a lot of us) the scales often stall...fluctuate or even slightly gain. I know its just my body adapting and retaining fluid as part of the recovery process but its hard for the mind to grasp that when you know if you watch your nutrition and dont exercise you tend to lose around a kilo a week. But the exercise is really REALLY important for me. I already know from past experience excess skin will be a issue for me. Ive already started to notice on my thighs starting to get some excess skin/wrinkly bits...lol

So hopefully its not too far away till i can start 4 PT sessions a week...hopefully within a month or so. The reason why I have to wait is the gym is hiring a couple of new trainers...as they dont have a lot of trainers in the evenings...and dont actually have anyone i could do a couple of sessions with...so ... patience ;)

I finally have a timer app on my camera i can take photos with while using a timer...so this weekend i am going to take some decent photos...that really show my body...not ones I am holding my phone in LOL...gonna take some front view and side view ones and hopefully also some of my back and my biceps lol.

Just bought s'mores protein powder...cannot wait for that in my oats tomorrow morning ;)

The good news too is...i go to Sydney next friday! Weee will be there this time next week...so excited....should be a fun weekend away...and 4 days away from work will be awfully nice!

Dexa scan and sprained ankles

A lot has happened in 24 hours! LOL

Yesterday I went to the gym for PT. We were doing a pile of exercises where I was leaning on the carpet...pushups...mountain climbers...burpees etc....and from carpet friction and ripped a bit of skin off!

I then left the gym...went and bought new shoes....they are very swish! Asics 2000...dark purple with some mint on it....cost a bucketload $190 but ive had the same model previously (different colours) so know they are great to wear :) Also went and bought Karin Slaughters new book :)

I then went and had a dexa scan done. So I was getting a scan done and having a consultation with a exercise physiologist. The first sad bit of news! lol is they couldnt fit the whole of me in the scan LOL..but she explained as long as we get the full half of you we are fine...she is pretty confident in 3 months when i get it redone i will be able to be fully done. My body fat percent came in at 43%. Which is less then I expected. I then talked about goal setting .... so basically the aim is to lose 2 kilos per month...and over 3 months to build 400 grams of muscle. By doing that I should end up at 38.7% by the start of november.

My big question for her was...how much cardio vs weights i should do. So she basically told me firstly to do some focus on my core....so she recommended pilates, yoga, body balance etc. So i will start doing body balance and yoga each week. She didnt think i needed to have a big focus on actual weights at the moment. She thought to focus on body weight training is enough...but to keep in mind as I get smaller will be easier...and at that point start to moving towards free weights and machine weights.

Cardio wise she said the key is variety...a mix of steady state cardio....HIIT....different pieces of equipment.

She did say if i do weights i need to do 3 sets of 12...and reps 8-12 should be a struggle. If its a struggle before rep 8 its too heavy a weight....if its easy at rep 12 its time to increase.

She also told me to have one rest day per week...and make that a different day each week (ie not every sunday) and to have a treat meal (like a dessert) once a week....on a day that is not a rest day...again...this is on a different day each week.

So with all that said....I think doing classes is the way to go at the moment...so ive planned next weeks workouts....they will look like this:

monday:PT and zumba
tuesday:PT and body pump
wednesday: yoga and 30 minutes boxing moves and some upper body weight stuff
thursday:RPM + TTT
friday: Body pump
saturday: rest day
sunday:6km walk


Anyway so after i came home from the scan...Im like one step from my back door and i rolled my ankle! Turns out i have sprained it (altho not a bad sprain) .... ended up on some gravel so got a nice gravel rash and bruising on my arm! lol. So needless to say...no gym the next few days...will let it heal...if I feel up to it i will get a walk in on sunday. I feel like i have a plan of action now ... despite my sprained ankle LOL....looking forward to getting into it next week :) Weigh in day tomorrow...hoping for a good loss :)

Where I am at :)

So I am in a much better frame of mind :) I decided to stick to 1800 calories. Yesterday morning tania messaged me to catch up for dinner...and THEN i found out work was putting on a free lunch (soft tacos or hamburger and fries) I opted for a sandwich since I was going out. When I went for dinner....I did look at getting a chicken dish but they were pretty much all with a cream sauce...I ended up getting a hamburger...which was HUGE.. so definite dose of iron got into my system (which never hurts me since my iron stores are so ridiculously low)...it also came with hot chips....must admit I ate 4 of those chips...but the rest i left...but considering how my mindset has been the last few weeks I was impressed with that.

I had really got into a "this is too much effort" kinda mind set. But catching up with Tania for dinner really helped. I talked about how I suck at group things and how the military miss wasnt really suitable for my personality...and I just felt better talking to someone who got what I was saying.

Ive always been very "im not interested in competing...the only competition is with myself). We discussed our sydney trip in 3 weeks time...I think spending 4 days together will be good we will rub off on each other and motivate each other more...we are definitely planning for the odd treat (like Lindt Cafe) but both definitely wanna stay on track and we are planning.

Tomorrow I am going in for a food coaching session. I need to get back completely on track with a plan.....Im just one of those people who need a plan! LOL...hopefully between now and early next week...I will work this all out for my nutrition and exercise.

So when I got on the scales this morning...they said 118.6 kilos....by the time I go to Sydney on August 21 I want that to be under 117...so no massive losses needed but about 600 grams per week would work nice. :)

This week...

So at about 4.45am this morning I woke with the sorest stomach. I was back to feeling how I felt constantly late last year. I knew the sore stomach was those gall stones....and I had a horrible taste in my mouth was from reflux :( So anyway...not able to sleep cos i couldnt get comfy with the pain...led to me being grumpy today! lol

Anyway, it got me really thinking about my relationship with food. As I have said before you dont get to 173 kilos with a healthy relationship with food...its a unhealthy one that does that. And so right now thats my main focus. I jumped on the scales this morning and they were 118.8 kilos...so up 900 grams from weigh in day...but honestly I am not even going to think about weight loss at the moment. My only focus is to stop the cycle I seem to have got on. I will weigh in this week and no doubt have a gain...but thats not my concern...my concern is breaking the cycle....getting back to a happy place with the weight loss journey. So while I debated doing calorie cycling this week...because I was worried about gaining...Im not going too cos I think eating a constant 1800 calories this week will get me back on a equilibrium (is that how you spell that word?)

So like I said yesterday....just gonna focus on being under the calories (so 1800) im not even gonna focus on carbs vs protein....or sodium....just eating within my calories.....once I accomplish that....I can start to cut back on things again. And well if i manage to lose on 1800? Well good for me LOL....but im not going to focus on it.

I should have done PT today but my stomach still didnt feel great...and I felt "heavy"....I do have to go in for weigh in on thursday....but im going to have a week off from the gym. Focus solely on getting enough sleep...and getting into a happier place...then monday next week I will be back at the gym for exercise. People may think this is the wrong way to do things...but for me...its honestly the right way...I take too much of other peoples thoughts on...something I really need to stop doing. I sat there last night just reading forums, checking out weight loss calculators etc and it just made me worse! So just focus on foods I enjoy (and I have my home made crustless quiche cooking in the oven as we speak) and sticking to my calories...surely thats not too hard for the week!

Taking a deep breathe....

UGH! One of the ways where you can tell I am struggling is when my posts become regular lol...as I am trying to figure things out...and when i start to get off track all i freaking do is google and look at fat loss calculators etc etc.

So I guess the thing that is so blatently clear to me now lol is that challenges really dont work for me. Im not sure if its having to follow set meal plan, or if its fear of failure or what but i always kinda suck at them! lol

I was initially thinking go back to eating 1800 calories for a few weeks...cos to be honest i kinda forgot where my calories had been in the weeks leading up to the military miss...somewhere in the 1400 to 1600 range i think. I mentioned doing this to my food coach and she pointed out I may gain weight (which I prolly already have lol) but anyway...so i dug out the old calorie cycling i was following in april 2010...which i was around this weight....so its:

saturday : 2000
sunday : 1400
monday : 1700
tuesday : 1400
wednesday : 1300
thursday : 1500
friday :1200

For this coming week all i am going to focus on is staying under the calories for each day. I am going to eat foods i enjoy and just focus on sustainability. A couple of rules I followed on previous weight loss attempts i will still follow too...watching my sodium (i wish i didnt have too but for me its really important) and also no grains at dinner time. Im not even gonna stress about going to the gym much...i will go in tomorrow for PT and then thursday morning to weigh in. I think part of this issue has been tiredness. I really noticed last week on tuesday...the day before i had done a hour PT and a 45 minute body balance class....and was just physically exhausted. I do now for me exercise is super important...but honestly i think 1200 calories at my weight isnt what i need.

Usually whenever I post something like this i get a lot of "don't give up messages" im not giving up at all. Am i a bit frustrated? sure. I feel like ive tried every calorie level imaginable...and yes i have got losses....and any loss is a good loss...but for the amount of weight i have to eat i should be losing more. And then of course ive lost the plot over the last 10 days or so and some of those kilos are gained back. My own doing.

Realistically at the moment....a week or so of just sticking to calories...and then i will start to focus on my macros...especially my protein levels. I feel before my carbs were too high and protein too low....possibly eating at 1400-1500 cals with the right balance of macros....and the weight loss might start happening. I think in a few weeks time then I can start to think more about exercise. I do think when it comes to exercise i need something more structured...like a progressive program...and ideally in my mind a weight program followed by 30 minutes of cardio per day would work good....problem is whenever i look at programs....it usually has some exercises with equipment I dont have access too...the other option is too throw myself into Group fitness classes...my problem with that is that most cardio ones i wont do....combat i wont do cos i fall....attack i am not fit enough for...and boxing isnt on at suitable times. Which would leave RPM (i can do rpm only so many times...its a lil repitive), and maybe body jam (which i have done about twice in my lifetime! lol) i dont do zumba cos its hard on my knees with the sharp changes of direction. Which is why i feel a individual program would work better...

Altho...that said...i am starting a 3rd PT session per week soon...so monday, tuesday, and fridays will be PT and i could do 30 minutes of cardio after. Once i am back with weekends off i could do pump and balance on saturdays. Which just leaves wednesday and thursdays free to do whatever.

Anyway i will think about that more next week! LOL

Better day.

I am feeling better today...I started to realise I was falling into a old trap of mine.

Through out my whole life i have had a habit of running when things get hard...the whole thought process of "better to pull out then fail". Maybe I am not the right personality for challenges? I am sure some people thrive on them...but not me.

But yanno this isnt about a 6 week challenge for me....ive got a full 12-18 months before I will be at goal. So im gonna utilise the military miss the way it works best for me...no need to be the best performer...I will continue to try their meals (cos i am definitely finding some yummy things to eat!)...exercise as I can (and I really think i need to apply myself more to classes)...do the boot camp sessions i can make it....and if i am the slowest or worse or whatever so be it....its not about how I perform in that 45 minute session...its about getting to goal and living a healthier life and not killing myself with bad food and little activity.

Im also thinking that maybe getting a you tube channel up and running would be helpful. I could talk about my shit into it...I could use it as ways to track my progress...and maybe others would get motivated by it as well. We will see!

I do know I do need new workout shoes...mine have a whole in them....doesnt even feel like i got them that long ago! (at $200 a pop) but might have to suck it up this week and go buy another pair.

Not much else going on enjoy all :)

Days recap....

So today hasnt been the best food day. Not the worst...just had some pieces of fruit toast I shouldnt have had. I feel like this week I have got into a bit of a cycle like the old days....so first things first I need to stop this cycle.

So tomorrow I am eating 1470 calories...baseing it off the military miss eating plan. Just changing it a lil. Ive plugged in tomorrows food...and it comes out at 1390 calories...with a whopping 181 grams of protein and the sodium is under 2000. One thing I have noticed with this meal plan is some meals are quite high in sodium. So while i didnt initially track my calories in MFP i think its important i do that....and if a meal is too high in sodium then swap it out. That said i am finding some good snacks and meals....i made some vegie chilli balls which were made with brocolli and cauliflower which i really liked. And a coconut chicken curry dish was yummo. So those two are things I am definitely keeping in my eating. For 3 of the vegie balls it works out to 211 calories...27 grams of carbs and 7 grams of protein..but its a good way for me to get some extra vegies in.

I need to focus on my exercise a bit more this week...not as in do more...but not beat myself up so much about the exercise. I am not a athlete...I will never be a athlete...I sucked at athletic type things as a kid lil own then reaching 173 kilos...which i know...has impacted my mobility. Yes its good that I do what I do....but in my opinion i am still limited....from fear of falling...too...things like hamstrings being too tight....to simply not being able to do things! lol Its one of the reasons i love PT...i work at my level...and i am doing a exercise that no one else is doing...so i just do my best and its all good...but being in a group setting and ur the slowest or whatever i think it is hard not to beat urself up over that,,,,which i am going to work on.

Im also really sore on the back of my leg at the moment....behind the knee...not even sure why! Its been sore for about 3 days....hopefully it will settle down over the next few days.

Not much else going on....enjoy all!

Military Miss Update

So thought it was time for a Military Miss update...but before that...weigh in :( I gained 1.7 kilos...not as bad as I expected in all honesty...but it is what it is. So at the start of Military Miss I was 119.6 kilos.

As of this morning I am down to 117.9 kilos. This week the weight has steadily been moving down.

So how has it going? Its been interesting ;)

The food side of things has been really good. Im definitely eating more vegetables, and I am discovering some new foods and recipes, which in all honesty is probably going to be the biggest takeaway from all of this for me! The calories are 1200 and the macro break up seems to be 35% for carbs and protein and 30% for fat...Im glad I have figured that out...cos even if my calories go up a lil (and they might) I want to keep those macros cos it seems to be working.

Exercise wise I think what I have learnt this week is I really need to balance this out. Monday I did a hour of PT then later that day I went in and did body balance....and then tuesday I was just exhausted! When I lost the weight before as most readers know I was a bit of a exercise junkie....and I still have that mindset. I always have that sense of "i am not doing enough" but I also need to rest...and also need to spending time preparing food....and also time to give my brain a breather...have that mental rest.

This week I did....1 hour of PT, 45 minutes body balance, 45 minutes bootcamp, 30 minutes my own workout and 20 minutes of military miss workout...not a bad effort over 4 days. Tomorrow night I am planning to do body pump.

I think the most obvious thing to me....is how I feel about myself when it comes to exercise.Ive never been a athletic person and never will be. Lets be honest, I exercise for weight loss....not for the enjoyment of it lol. So we did a beep test at bootcamp....let me say I didnt even get to level 2 LOL. And while I realise its just a starting point....i cannot imagine it improving in 6 weeks....Im certainly not a runner ;) We also are suppose to set a fitness goal...argh....I got no idea....Ive had plenty of exercise goals over the years....hell one goal when i trained with fiona was to do pushups on my toes lowering myself low....well.....7 years later i cannot do them LOL Whilst over the years i saw improvement in my cardio fitness....Ive never really seen improvement on specific exercises.

The honest truth tho...Im not that person who wants to be able to run a certaindistance or in a certain amount of time....or go do bikini competitions or anything....its a means for weight loss...so no stressing....my main concern is....as long as I stick to my eating :)

Getting ready for Military Miss

well! LOL. Its....ta-da! the weekend :)

So....where is things....well...okay...time to admit something...that only really occurred to me today lol. So today I came home..and noticed nearly a full bag of white chocolate bits in my cupboard. Have you ever done that thing...where u find something bad...so you like eat it all....so it doesnt mess with your diet? (insane logic there!) yeh well i did that UGH

But so okay THAT happened...then I got thinking ..... ive been doing calorie cycling the last few weeks...and yanno my body does respond pretty good to that...but it can get confusing. And by that its hard to track macros....not that I really have....but...i have to keep a note on my phone on my pc....make sure they both match....then each night....check what the next days calories are. MFP is doing a upgrade soon (it available in the US but not here yet tho) where you can set different calories for each day of the week....so as good as cal cycling is...its messy in that sense. Ive had too many days over the last few weeks...where ive thought....oh ill eat extra tonight...and less tomorrow...always playing catch up.

Anyway Monday is day 1 of Military Miss (salutes!) This has a set menu plan..which I am planning to follow...I will pop the calories in MFP....more so if i have some real good losses i have a record of what i ate :) It also I believe has a exercise plan...I will see exactly monday morning. Anyway tomorrow I am planning to clean out my kitchen cupboards, buy all the food for week 1...prep what food I can :) Tomorrow I am planning to eat 1400 calories.

Two other things...firstly I was talking to a friend today...we were discussing how obsessive i get about my weight loss lol and how down I can get when the scales dont to what I want. Anyway so we had this conversation and I committed...to only weekly weigh ins over the time of the Military Miss program....she was like "you know you are hopeless at lying so I will know if you dont stick with this" ahahahahah...so I will weigh in monday morning....then each wednesday morning, for at least the time of the military miss...focus on just feeling better instead of focusing on how much I have lost on the scales.

The other thing....is....now normally i am not a competitive person. My focus is normally on....just competing with myself....im not in a 6 week competition but a lifestyle change afterall. So anyway....basically...by competing....and putting 120% into this 6 week challenge I can only benefit from it right? So thats the challenge....100% dedication to it all...too attending the boot camp sessions (altho due to time i can only make 1 per week)...my 2 PT sessions per week...I am going to do every friggin exercise session they set out....and not wimp out cos i dont wanna go in the weights area lol...follow the meal plan as best i can (lets face it somethings i wont like...but ill attempt everything!)....and ill document as much as i can on instagram (i love that app!) .... ill take some pics monday morning as well. The other good thing about this challenge is your earn points for doing stuff...like workouts...classes....etc hopefully it will help me get into some good routines :)