Wednesday July 23

Well time for a update!

The scales are sitting there fluctuating between 103 and 104.5 kilos. When I went to get on my scales this morning they died :( I have a couple of spare scales (dont we all???? lol) Anyway the scales I am now using are about a kilo heavier then the ones I was working....so while I was 104.5 kilos on them this mornng...it prolly means i was really around my lowest weight so far since starting the new plan.

Anyway when I saw the scales really had had no movement i redid my measurements...i only did them 5 days ago but had dropped another 2 centimetres around my waist even tho the scales havent dropped.

I spoke to my nutritional coach and he isnt worried for a couple of reasons:

1. The fact my centimetres are going down I have obviously lost fat
2. I lost 6-7 kilos in the first week and since then the next 2 weeks I have maintained that loss...that is a win.

He doesnt believe this is a plateau. I did ask should I like at tightening my eating....i maybe watching my sodium more, cutting out some of my treats etc but he has said no. He is very big on ensuring my adherance doesnt falter and so he believes eating foods I enjoy is important. At this stage (even tho i prolly wont have a loss this week) I am going to continue sticking to what I am doing and come early august still stuck at this weight we will look at lowering my carbs and cals slightly :)

My trainer wants me to do both a boxing and combat class next week - eek! The boxing class (which is her class lol) isnt a issue i enjoy that i just need to be careful because of my back....i will prolly do it monday night but i will go easy ... its not the punches that will be an issue...its the inbetween work when you are suppose to do, but thankfully as Tamika is the instructor she will just give me alternative exercises to do.

In relation to body combat - well thats more of a challenge! I told her earlier this week how i fell 3 or 4 times in combat classes before i fell and broke my wrist. Her response was "your fears are what always hold you back" lol...yeh no kidding lol ;) Anyway she thinks my balance has improved so much it wont be a issue...me? I dont agree lol so while i will definitely do boxing i dunno about combat. We will see.

Anyway not much else going on!

Friday July 18

So its been a while! Things are mostly going good :)

Weight loss I am well on track :) As of this morning I was down 7.2 kilos from where i was on July 3. So that is going good...altho it does seem to have stalled out a lil. I have been fluctuating between 103.3 and 104.2 kilos....hopefully over the next week or so I will finally get back under 103 kilos. My nutritional coach is very happy with where I am at...he has told me he isnt concerned over the next week to 10 days if i maintain or even have a small gain. He said due to how quickly I initially lost weight I obviously retain fluid in a crazy fashion.....he also suspects for me it will be a case of losing 2-5 kilos then plateuing out then losing another 2-5 kilos...he expects Ill have lots of plateaus.

Today is day 1 of my cycle which has led me to being exhausted....and to say i was pathetic at the gym today is the understatement of the year.

Exercise wise i am still exercising but cannot say i am feeling enthused about it. With hurting my back which I am still dealing with some pain, my trainer and i have decided to go back to basics so im not doing further damage to my back and can eventually get back to some decent workouts. At the moment its lots of basic movement like squats, shoulder press, dumbell curls, chin ups, etc with a huge focus on form and bracing my core. Outside of that I am doing a bit of core and making it to a RPM class where I can. The main issue is when it comes to exercise I just feel as tho I am going thru the process of exercise but not really making progress...of course i prolly am i am just not conscious of it. Not much else going on...enjoy your weekend all (I will be working it - boo!)

Wednesday July 9

So I am a lil proud of me right now :)

My eating has been really good this week. The scales have done a massive drop yes (I will know the exact number for the week in the morning) but more then that I have felt my relationship with food has been better. Ive had lots of good foods...with lots of protein and fat (and moderate carbs) Ive had lots of things like spinach, chicken breast, oats, feta cheese, protein powder etc but also some really yummy things.....like some lindt balls, lindt chocolate, a lamb burger, a ham burger, quest bars, home made pita bread pizzas. Patrick my nutritionist guru yesterday asked me how I was finding things and as I said to him I feel like I have a good balance of treats with healthy foods which I think has made this week a lot easier!

Im also not thinking about "was this a good or bad week?"....I am doing today....and when todays over I will go to sleep and redo all the good eating tomorrow....im not gonna be at goal tomorrow....right now its about trudging thru...staying focused day after day....then before I know it (ok months away but u get the point lol) i will at one of my goals!

I did think about taking 1-2 weeks off from the gym due to my back injury to allow it to heal properly. But discussed it with Tamika last night and she felt it was best not to break up my routine (which was my concern)....so instead the only group fitness class I will do will be RPM...and we will focus on cardio and core work for the moment....getting back to things like boxing and pump is prolly at least a month away. That said she had me doing intervals on the xtrainer that kicked my ass - so all good!

Back tomorrow with this weeks results :)

Tuesday July 8

So my back is still playing up...it was improving then went to the gym last night and it is a worse today. There is a part of me tempted to take a break from the gym for a week or two. My back improved so much over the weekend when I wasnt at the gym...ill see how it goes this week. Im not keen for a break simply cos once u break routine it can be hard to get back into it.

At this stage I am not going to do boxing (think thats what flared it up last night) so im going to stick to my PT sessions, cardio equipment and RPM classes. Hopefully thats enough exercise just to help my back without over doing it.

As I mentioned previously, i have a spreadsheet which myself and patrick (my nutritional guru!) can see...yesterday he messaged me and said have you really lost that much weight or is that a typo? lol. Yesterday I did fluctuate up by 400 grams but over night it dropped another 1.2 kilos :) So since last thursday morning I have lost 5.5 kilos (12.1 pounds) but I know my body.....it will stall soon and I will possibly even gain a lil. But all this protein and fat is certainly not doing me any harm :) The best part of it is I am enjoying my healthy eating again which I hadnt for a long time.

Tonight I have RPM and then PT. I think I must be the most frustrating PT client...my trainer said last night "you are much stronger then you think you are".... that got  massive eye roll...lol...

Have a good day all :)

Sunday July 6

I am doing so ridiculously well at the moment its not funny! Food is completely on point. This past week I rested my back with a lil bit of exercise, but this week I will up the ante mostly with cardio. Just to get my body moving and avoid the back stiffing up again.

As of this morning from thursday morning I am down by 4.7 kilos...cannot complain about that eh!!???

Tomorrow night its a lil bit of cardio...followed by a boxing class and then a PT session. Time to get back loving the gym ;)

Saturday July 5

Woke up with a headache and sore eye this morning...so off to the doctors I went...turns out it was my sinuses....the eye ache has settled down a lot. Not completely gone but much better than this morning.

Weight wise I dropped another kilo overnight :) A lot of this is going to be fluid (mostly) but still a good sign....its making me realise 1800 calories if the macros are balanced out correctly. So since thursday morning at this point I have lost 3.1 kilos. Getting my protein over 135 grams and my fat over 75 grams does take quite a bit of planning which i do the night before but its working (so far). Im also trying to ensure I eat different foods so I dont get bored...but that means having to plan everyday.

Tomorrow I am going out to lunch with some of the ww girls, we are going to paleo cafe and I have already planned for it...a walnut, pear and beetroot salad with kangaroo and a coconut water....afterwards I have allowed for a hot chocolate.

So things are at a good place! I am hoping monday night to be able to do the boxing class...my trainer teaches and said if i have problems with the stuff when you get down on the ground (like pushups, mountain climbers etc) then i can do just some static squats etc...then it will be a PT session :) I will prolly get to the gym beforehand with enough time to do some cardio before hand as well so big exercise day on monday. Will possibly go for a 6km walk in the morning...depending what time i wake and how my back feels :)

Friday July 4

A perfect start to the new plan. I ate yesterday 1798 calories, 129 grams of carbs, 79 grams of fat and 141 grams of protein. I felt a lil hungry after dinner but i think that was just habit not real hunger...i simply went and showered and cleaned my teeth to avoid eating. I also did 9693 steps :) The scales overnight dropped by 2.1 kilos so i am VERY happy with that. We will see how the rest of the week goes.

Tonight i have the gym so 20-30 minutes of the cross trainer plus a 30 minute PT session of strength/stability work. Which most likely means kazz getting frustrated and resisting throwing a tantrum haha im not very good at that kinda stuff!

Okay back to work! Have a fab friday!!!

Thursday July 3

So I had the first "official" skype meeting with my nutritional guru last night and it all went REALLY well!!! So the basics of it was i am to eat 1800 calories a day, a minimum of 135 grams of protein and a minimum of 75 grams of fat. I thought getting the protein that high would be the hard part but it is actually getting the fat that high which was hard. But he suggested I stop having low fat dairy and ta-da hit it!

I have had to set up a spreadsheet....which i will daily add my morning weigh in, how many steps I took, what I did at the gym and any time where I was hungry and what I felt the hunger was from (ie real hunger, boredom etc)

Tonight I need to do some measurements and take some photos.

I need to also list my favourite 5 vegies and my favourite 3 fruits so he can see whether the ones I eat have good saeity (think he saw I dont eat lots of fruit and vegies)

Enjoy your day all!

Making it my passion!

So i wanted to do a post on making this weight loss journey "my passion". So there are several ways I went about this previously.

The first is reading. Knowledge is power. I am always keen to read good health, fitness, weight loss books - altho I haven't read any for a long time! If anyone has any books they can recommend please add a comment or you can email me at karyn.colley@gmail.com. But I thought I would include some books I have read in the past and found good:

• Inner health, outer beauty by Joanna McMillan
• The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone
• Master your metabolism by Jillian Michaels (this one admittedly is a hard read very technical with lots of science words!)
• The end of overeating by David Kessler

Of course there are also weight loss journals you can read so I am going to include a few I often read - but if you know of any other good ones please share!!!

• http://www.whoatemyblog.com
• http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com
• http://blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/

I am always keen for other good journals that update still please share i am always after good ones! (I know there are some other good ones like bitchcakes but I am wanting ones that are active still)

Other things you can do is sign up for yahoo or google alerts - select your topics of interest and they will appear how often you want in your inbox!

Another good site is http://stumbleupon.com - I havent used this site for a long time but use to a lot...it takes you from site to site for your favourite topics...its fab :)

Watch...with you tube, tv and streaming shows there is lots of good options for what we can view.

There are shows like :

• Extreme weight loss 
• Biggest loser
• Half tonne hospital (on foxtel)
• The fat doctor (on foxtel)
• My 400lb life (on foxtel)

You can find episodes of most if not all of these on you tube - any other recommendations? Share in comments or email me on karyn.colley@gmail.com

Podcasts - I only really listen to one but am keen for others which is (not surprising!) The Jillian Michaels Show (find it on itunes) - do you listen to any health, fitness, weight loss, fat loss shows? Please share!

A good resource also is www.fmtv.com which has a lot of good documentaries on it (some you can find on you tube as well) some of my favourites are:

• food inc
• hungry for change
• simply raw : reversing diabetes
• fat, sick and nearly dead

Im also keen for any other documentaries people can recommend!

So theres some steps, don't make weight loss a chore - if it is a chore we will never be successful - it takes time but think of it in a positive light - that it brings you enjoyment and makes you happy and it will work better for ALL of us !!

Well yesterday was definitely a success! The scales dropped 1.4 kilos overnight :)

Looks like tomorrow i will have my first "official" skype meeting that I am doing via the online consulting that I have organised. So that should be interesting what calories, macros etc he puts me at and also any other recommendations he makes. I do know there will be daily weigh ins so he can watch for trends....but apart from that I dont know too much at this stage.

I was thinking today how when weight loss was my "passion" "my hobby" my weight loss was great...so im going to start to do some posts more about what I do to be successful....not only might it benefit others but I think it will be a good reminder for me! So tomorrow I will be doing one on making this my passion!

Went to the gym tonight...20 minutes on the cross trainer then we did a lil bit of weight and core work....all went good....my back has much more mobility in it! Have a good night all :)

Well today went much better! Ate 1738 calories and ate 130 grams of protein (the aim is to eat 130 grams of protein or more!) so that went well.

Went to the gym tonight.....did 20 minutes on the cross trainer and then a PT session. I had warned my trainer my back was not doing good...so we did some intervals on the bike and a hill climb (which I sucked at!) then we did some upper weight work. All went well and I burnt 540 calories :). These PT sessions are challenging...I think I frustrate my trainer cos its not uncommon for me halfway thru a set to stop for a lil rest lol...she isnt keen on the rests lol. It would be nice to be that awesome client who gives 120% and never gives up but in all honesty that is not me :)

I bought a fitbit flex today...OMG so annoying trying to clasp it when putting it on my wrist....so damn annoying! I want to wear it :(

Not much else going on....:)

Stocktake

It never hurts to do a stocktake on health/life.

So since I gained this weight back my health is here:

I have had a flare up of a stomach ulcer
I am getting acid reflux again
Getting cramping in my feet and legs several times a week
I am starting to get migraines again...the frequency is increasing altho they are not as severe as I use to get them
Hurt my back (don't think this is related to my weight but will throw it in anyway lol)

People could look at that I guess and go thats not too bad...nothing major....no high blood pressure or diabetes etc...but i classify the above as BAD....when losing weight my migraines went, no cramps, no ulcer, no acid reflux....and plain and simple I cannot keep doing this to myself - I deserve more and it really still is a life and death situation.

The motivation has to be health....about not ending in a cardiac ward....

I deserve more then this and cannot really keep doing this to myself...

I deserve :
to have a social life
to wear pretty clothes
to look AND feel fit and healthy
the opportunity to have a relationship and have my "happily ever after"
to walk into Lorna Janes and be able to buy anything i want
to not feel self conscious on what i look like
to run with ease
to build me some nice biceps and back muscles

Tomorrow is a new start....I will be starting in the next week or two working with the online person I previously mentioned...it wont happen overnight...i wont suddenly be 79 kilos next week...but i can make progress :)

So I had a skype "meeting" with that person willing to assist with nutrition. He explained normally when he does this he also writes out exercise programs etc but as I have a trainer he could just look at my nutrition side only. I explained thats what I need most of the help. Even in just the short time I spoke to him he gave me some ideas (like wearing my fitbit...not to work out calories...just to monitor steps taken...he was like you know if you wear one...you average say 7200 steps...then stop losing weight we wouldnt necessarily cut back on food but maybe set a daily aim of 8500 steps). I am very tempted to sign  up with him...it would cost me but it would be similar cost to if i signed up for food coaching with fernwood. My main concern really is simply that my trainer wouldnt be happy with me doing that seeing as he is actually a personal trainer...altho as i said i would be seeing him for nutrition. Also its only a month by month situation I am not committing to anything long term so if it doesnt work, but just at this stage worried about that.

My back is improving. Still quite sore but it has improved even in just the last 24 hours, thankfully. I am back using the wheat bag on it again today.

I just ordered some new protein powder...i have heard its a thicker consistency which is what i need to mix it up with my oats for breakfast. AND it came in chocolate peanut butter flavour haha...impressed :)

Not much else going on...have a good sunday all :)

So I got a text message this morning from a friend I work with who had read my "crunchtime" post asking me what my motivation is. As generic as it sounds is my biggest motivation is to not weigh 173 kilos EVER again! Pure and simple it still really is a life and death journey for me still and I think in my complacency I lost that somewhere.

Anyway I talked to my friend today and we set a challenge....the "15 by 10" challenge...which means 15 kilos by 10th september (the date I fly to Sydney). I honestly have HEAPS of reasons to motivate myself from the very cute pink camoflague Lorna Jane pants I own... to the avoiding ending up in a cardiac ward! There are so many reasons, I will never have a relationship with someone with how I am at the moment...I dont even like me right now so how could someone else...but i DID like myself when I was happy with my weight loss progress and thats where I need to get back too....there are other things I want to do like get a tattoo...train for a half marathon....have some hot chick sleeping in my bed hahhaha.....go in a hot air balloon....truly live a happy life....and a happy life doesnt exist around eating food and nothing else!

So the challenge is on....Ive done good today....weetbix for breakfast...sumo salad for lunch and I am having take out pasta for dinner tonight. Back to calorie cycling which means 1800 calories on a saturday night. I havent snacked today and wasnt even tempted actually...i had protein powder at work and didnt even bother with it. I still have about 370 calories left for the day so I may splurge on some frozen berries and ice cream...or i may even just leave my calories at 1426 for the day :)

My back is doing a bit better (altho still sore)  I have used the wheat bag a LOT on it today and its really helped...im sure its just that i have muscle tightness which is why the wheatbag is helping. I am walking better and can lower myself to sit without too much drama now...ill keep using the wheatbag tomorrow and monday and hopefully that will enable me to do a normal workout on monday. Don't think my trainer was overly impressed with my efforts yesterday so guess I need to pull my socks up a bit in that department (that said i did still burn over 1000 calories in 90 minutes which is not a bad feat considering i had a sore back!)

Not much else going on....enjoy your saturday night :)

Crunch time

Went to the gym today. My back is playing up so not sure how wise that was! lol but i did a hour of PT and then a 30 minute RPM session. As i was leaving the gym Sarah who was the food coach i saw temporarily a month or so ago said "how is your food going" LOL I was like yeh its not. She then asked me if I had been to see Jenna for a food coaching session....i explained no i hurt my back had to fit in physio sessions etc etc. Coincidently at the same time (in the past week) I found out I have the opportunity to work with someone nutrition wise from the US....he is very knowledgable and has helped some people with some 12 week transformations and the progress of these people is pretty amazing. So i had a decision to make. What path do I go down? Cos i need to make a decision and COMMITT!

Tonight i watched a couple of documentaries which I have previously seen, one is called hungry for change and the other fat, sick and nearly dead. Watching them I realise at the moment I really need to "heal" my body. As i have said before I am a food addict and to gain 28 kilos I obviously have fallen back into old patterns. Really this shouldnt be too complicated I KNOW what works...not eating a pile of crap food, remembering a saying of jillians "if it didnt grow in the ground or have a mother dont eat it" I really feel I need to cleanse my body....more so then focusing on "not going off track" i need to focus on moving away from this addiction. I know the foods that help my body - chia seeds, goji berries, nuts, fruit, vegies, feta cheese. I was also big on "carbs are not evil" i think my thinking towards that has changed....there is so much science studies showing most carbs are not great for you - i think the bread needs to go...and i need to stick to grains like quinoa and barley. I would love to do a full cleanse of just plant food but with my lifestyle that wont work (plus i dont want to go to extremes). Tomorrow i am planning on weetbix, with chia seeds, honey and some goji berries for breakfast - lunch i actually have a chicken and avocado salad from sumo salad...not the best choice but not too bad....and tomorrow night gonna bake chicken breast with some barley....might have a berry smoothie after dinner. I really need to focus on eating clean following jillians principles is what i need....i did think about doing whole30 but its too extreme i dont think i need to go to that extreme. I think if i can get to 6 weeks sticking to this then i will be right. I am paying a lot for 3 PT sessions per week and I need to put all the pieces together.

Weighed in this morning and was down to 106.5 kilos. So it dropped 1.9 kilos overnight which considering I probably still ate over 2000 calories yesterday shows you how bad I was eating.. So a loss of 1.9 kilo...so far ;)

Thinking about stuff last night I think boredom with eating a lot of the same foods hasn't assisted me. So this morning I got some honey and soy wingettes...i had 4 of them for lunch super yummy and felt satisfied :)

This afternoon (since I am still stuck on the sofa!) I am going to go thru my symply to good to be true books and also ww magazine to find some recipes to make this weekend...time to break this boredom of food :)

Until later :)

Well I weighed in today....I ummed and ahhed about posting my weight....but by not posting it i am simply staying in denial. I have also decided to keep track of what I lose from today on...ie not add it to the grand total of 65+ kilos....time to stop resting on my laurels.

So i weighed 108.4 kilos...I kinda expected it to be worse. Today i didnt stick to my 1500 calories but i was a lot better then previously. I actually have a stomach ulcer (prolly bought on from crap food!) always hard not to comfort eat when stuck at home in front of the tv. I am back at work on wednesday.

I think some of my issue which I think I have previously mentioned is being bored with foods...to be honest i am a bit over bread...bit over weetbix (the list goes on and on lol) but I am going to pull out my symply to good to be true books to make some new foods.

Thats it for today - enjoy all :)

New beginnings!

So time for honesty hour. There have been so many posts of mine of late saying "tomorrow i am eating this many calories and getting back on track"...then it doesnt happen.

I have to look at this and look at what has and hasnt worked. Eating 1200 calories doesnt work. Cutting out or being told to cut out or back on my bread intake doesnt help. Regular attendance at the gym does help it gets and keeps me motivated. It needs to come back to simply eating healthy foods, foods I like, calorie controlled (but not excessive) and exercising 4-6 days per week. I think its also important that I focus on my support system as well so that is what I am trying to do.

Apart from last week with my injury my exercise has been good for a few months. So the exercise part i already have...specially week nights...the attending on saturday morning tho needs work!

A while ago...prolly 20 kilos ago (was 20 kilos lighter) I got some advice from some people online. They told me eat 1800 calories...a minimum of 130 grams of protein and 70 grams of fat. So I am going to go back to that...I remember how not on the scales moved but the changes in a month following what they recommended led to some big changes so I want to go back to doing that.

I am currently closer to 110 kilos then 100 kilos...once a food addict always a food addict. But the thing is I have done this before...I can do it again :)

I am planning to run the city to bay in september (12km run). Not this week but the week after I am hoping to start to train for it. I sprained a facet joint in my lower spine 2 weeks ago and i have been given the go ahead to slowly start runnig and jumping...i will wait another week before i start runnning of decent amounts.

So if you are keen to follow my journey more there is lots of places online you can....
facebook : http://www.facebook.com/kazzsjourney
My fitness pal : username : kazzsjourney2goal
tumblr: kazzsjourney.tumblr.com

This weeks workouts will look like this:

monday : 30 minutes boxing (if my back feels okay) + 30 minutes Pt session (weights)
tuesday : Physio session
wednesday : 45 minutes RPM session + 30 min Pt session (metabolic fat burning session)
thursday : rest day
friday : 20-30 minutes cross trainer + 30 min Pt session (strength/stability session)
Saturday : 60 minutes body pump (if my back feels up to it I will do a 60 minute body balance class too)

Weigh in this morning and I was 102.7 kilos. I was a lil unprepared today and so relied a lil too much on bbq food (the cafe was closed due to the public holiday)

Tomorrow is 1500 calories and I have already popped my food in my myfitnesspal. Im due to gym it tomorrow night...the plan would be a RPM class and a 30 minute PT session. I am undecided what to do tho since my back is still sore (altho ive put the heat pack on it a few times today and thats seemed to help)...i cannot do jarring movements and need to be careful with lifting...part of me is thinking its a waste of PT sessions if i cannot utilise them properly but another part of me is like...just attending the gym will be good for motivational levels. Better make up my mind quick as i need to let my trainer if not attending by 6.30am tomorrow morning.

I cannot remember what I did or didnt post yesterday but I did register for the city to bay (to run 12km) im hoping that my back is good to go next week and I can start to train for it.

Not really much else to say - enjoy your night all :)

I am getting back on track tomorrow...and doing things my way ;) My way always works best for me. Will take it one day at a time...tomorrow is 1600 calories...all should work well :)

I registered for the city to bay to run the 12km...so thats it...committed to training for it! Hopefully get the all clear for running this week and will start training the week the 16th....that will give me 12 weeks...i will have a look online for some 12 week programs for 12km if no luck i will message one of the trainers at the gym (who in fact won the adelaide marathon) and ask her to write me a 12km program (she has written me a 5km program in the past)

I decided as well as my calorie limit...to have a list of allowable foods, as well as treat foods. Jillian always says allow about 20% of your day on treatfoods...so thats what I am going to aim for...and this is a list of foods that i am allowing myself (not someone else)....so here goes:

eggs
bananas
greek yoghurt
seeds
nuts (raw)
pork
chicken
cheese (no slice cheese in the house)
milk
protein powder
tuna
tahini
vegetables
fruit (not dried fruit)
tuna
olive oil
potato
barley/rice
multi grain bread
weetbix
oats




Treat foods
Hamburgers (not from mcdonalds etc)
70% dark chocolate
yiros

No no foods:
white processed foods
Chocolate that isnt 70% cocoa or more
No take away foods apart from whats mentioned above
No pasta
no hot chocolate
no quest bars
no fruit toast

I decided as well as my calorie limit...to have a list of allowable foods, as well as treat foods. Jillian always says allow about 20% of your day on treatfoods...so thats what I am going to aim for...and this is a list of foods that i am allowing myself (not someone else)....so here goes:

eggs
bananas
greek yoghurt
seeds
nuts (raw)
pork
chicken
cheese (no slice cheese in the house)
milk
protein powder
tuna
tahini
vegetables
fruit (not dried fruit)
tuna
olive oil
potato
barley/rice
multi grain bread
weetbix
oats




Treat foods
Hamburgers (not from mcdonalds etc)
70% dark chocolate
yiros

No no foods:
white processed foods
Chocolate that isnt 70% cocoa or more
No take away foods apart from whats mentioned above
No pasta
no hot chocolate
no quest bars

I may add to this list...but for now this works....until september 21....i need this for some solid time not just a few weeks! Bring on the new week tomorrow :)

Its a long one....

Ive thought about doing this post a lot over the last month or so but thought it was "wrong" to put it out there....and I feel bad for some thoughts I am about to put down into words....but at the same time I think its something i need to say to remove from myself so I can get on to being a happier me.

Now as most know my mum passed away in september 2012...and I will preface this by saying my mum was a good person...anything she did do...she never did with ill intentions....and anything that occurred between us what im about to say is my perspective and my mum and myself were/are both humans...and both imperfect. I really dont want anyone (like my sister lol finding this and getting upset thinking I am bad mouthing cos I am not I am just trying to move on and deal with things)

I was a skinny kid. I lead a great childhood, altho a very sheltered childhood. Dad was in the army....he liked order....was very organised and quite the homebody...he especially liked staying at home on sundays (traits i really have) so I wasnt that kid that ran up the street into neighbours houses. I did ballet most nites...between school, ballet and sleep i didnt do much else! When I was about 13 i was in ballet class....my mum use to travel 40 minutes each way everynight for my ballet....anyway i was in ballet class....apparantly talking my head off to a friend and as mum popped her head in the teacher was telling me off for talking lol. Anyway....after class mum was like .... ur not doing ballet anymore LOL Anyway...then my dad got sick...he was diagnosed with mouth cancer and was admitted to hospital. The hospital was a 40 minute ride away.

So suddenly I am not exercising .... I am 13 and my PCOS seems to have reared its ugly head....and mum had a sick husband to deal with. My dads sickness I didnt deal with well...I remember one of the nurses pulling me aside saying they thought I should talk with someone to help deal with everything...i was like noooooooooo (of course looking back now that may have been a good idea). As mum was time poor i remember home prepared lunches were uncommon and i was often given money to buy lunch (something that rarely happened previously)...so as my PCOS developed (altho i was unaware at this stage)....not exercising....buying food from the school canteen i started to gain weight.

I remember this one time....I was in the lounge room....I was in my bra and knickers (for some strange reason) anyway i was still skinny as....but had developed a slight tummy....and I remember mum saying "look at your three rolls....like 3 boobs" (1 set of boobs and 2 rolls from my tummy)....thats the first time I ever remember my weight being addressed but certainly not the last. My weight thruout my teens was constantly discussed....and for the first 3-4 years of that i was slim! At 16 i was taken to the doctor and came out with my first "diet plan"...it consisted of points....i remember i was allowed 16 points a day....and a meat pie was 16 points....a meat pie was 500 calories so u can imagine how the diet cycle started. The thing is....I remember when I was about 17 KNOWING i would never marry...and im not talking about a guy....i just remember thinking i will never live with anyone...never have that sort of relationship....you see....when ur the black sheep in the family....phsyically your the joke of the family....when your own mum see's you like this its hard to believe that anyone else could honestly like u in any sense. When I was younger I wanted to please mum i wanted her to like me a lot....then not long after i started to lose weight...id come out....everything was out in the open....and i realised i cannot live my life to make anyone else happy....i needed to do what made me happy....and i did...guilt free. I think since mum passed away not that there is a sense of guilt...but that opportunity for her to see the real me...and honestly like me a a person without judgement....that is gone....and i wish she had lived to a much older age where I had had that chance.

But yanno its coming up to 2 years since she passed away....i need to let go of this stuff...i need to do everything i can to live the rest of my life the best I can.

In line with this...I need to stop saying i hate the gym...i think i do it...cos if i say i hate the gym....that im not athletic .... that its not the person i am...then if i suck at it im not losing any face.

I also noticed this week when I was planning my holiday....I was contemplating a cruise to the south pacific islands....I had the money....but the amount of time away from home (12 days) concerned me....the tehought of having to go thru getting a passport put me off...not knowing people on the boat put me off....i basically didnt want to step out of my comfort zone....i really need to get over that....there is more to life then the inside 4 walls of my home, but I need to go out and grab it...and step outside of my comfort zone. Its time to honestly focus on me again...treat my body and my mind kindly...and work towards a happy life :)

Update

I went to a food coaching session thursday night....i thought it went well...but now i dont think it did. The way the food coaching works is they dont set a calorie limit...you fill in a food diary...everything you ate and drank and then they make some suggestions of changes.

I think being a calorie counting girl I need a number. Also im not a fan of being told what not to eat. Like she looked at it and said...you obviously have a sugar addiction (and she is prolly right) but whenever I think about weight loss it needs to be something I can do long term. This weeks recommendation was no honey on my weetbix....that one is do-able...no bread at lunch time on days I dont exercise...this i where I come unstuck. Its enough to have to eat protein and vegies at dinner time....i like bread i will admit it...i eat multigrain bread so i dont think it is the worst thing in the world...and its quick and easy and i actually enjoy sandwiches...i tried to cut out bread today (i didnt have cereal either) and it just led to me craving carbs. The bottom line is when i got down to 79 kilos i ate bread every single day, i dont think cutting out bread is the answer. What worked for me was controlling my calories....not eating grains in the evening...fitting in some treats. So in line with that im not gonna go back to food coaching...i dont need their eating recommendations...as fiona has said many times...nutritionally i prolly know more then most people anyway when it comes to nutrition.

So monday morning I will weigh in and make monday my weigh in day...2 weeks of calorie cycling at 1528 calories seems a good range. After 2 weeks I would want to be down at least 2 kilos...if not I will cut by 100 calories a day. This is what previously worked...calorie cycling, eating clean foods with some limited treats, exercising well (the exercise part is going good!). And the truth is...i need to learn to be accountable to me!

Yesterday I booked a trip to Sydney and the gold coast....I am hovering around 102 kilos at the moment and would love to be in the 80's by then...so thats a goal! :)

I was at the physio today...have had a sore lower back...turns out i was very tight around my spine and she thinks i have strained or sprained a facet joint in my lower spine...i go back to see her on thursday....till then no jarring movements (jumps, running etc) and have to be very careful when lifting. My trainer will not be happy to hear about the no jarring movements (but i am! lol no box jumps yay!)

That said...exercise is going well...i am really making progress there....and i will make a lot more effort to update this journal more regularly...time for action :)

So amazingly the scales said 100.2 kilos this morning - amazing! Lets hope it continues (thats a huge loss so I am expecting to fluctuate back up somewhat)

The aching in my right foot woke me up last night...I am really not looking forward to this winter if this is a indication of how my foot is going to handle it!

Back at work today...my throat feels fine and coughing stopped but I feel a bit weak like I am about to faint or throw up (or both hah!) i think its just cos i have been stuck in bed for a few days this usually happens after I have been sick. Im going to the gym tonight (boxing class and PT) so hopefully it will be better by then.

Not much else going on...enjoy your day all :)

Sunday!

Food is going good! :) This morning the scales said 101.5 kilos....it would be nice to under 100 kilos by thursday but not overly likely!

I have realised that over the past few years I have become complacent. I put the choice back into this journey. What I mean by that is when I was successfully losing weight...it wasnt a option it just had to be done....but these days its more like the whole....oh but I want a [insert treat] oh bugger it what does it matter if I have it? So its something I really need to work on...its not a option. I really want and NEED to get to goal....non negotiable.

I am feeling better the antibiotics have obviously kicked in.

I have been getting a lot of ankle joint aches lately. They arent injured or anything just get very achey in this colder weather.

Watched season 1 of Khloe and Lamar today - I am such a sucker for the kardashians! lol hahhaha my favourite show at the moment lol ;)

Gym tomorrow....30 minute boxing class and PT session (lets hope I dont have to go on that revolting cross trainer haha!)

We are getting our bonus this week wooooooooo hoooooooooooo.....so by the end of the week I should have booked and paid for my holiday for september....cannot wait to see how much it gets and what I can afford! Enjoy your day/night all! :)

Its been a week or so since I last updated...slack eh?

I went back to food coaching on thursday night...Im hoping the new food coach can help me figure out why I fluctuate so much. I had a session on thursday and she asked me what I normally eat in a day and made a couple of small changes straight away. Im kinda slack with breakfast and often dont have it till like 10am...so she wants me eating that as soon as I wake and I have also changed it to a protein shake and a banana....mostly cos she wants me eating protein with each meal and also cos its easy at 5.30 or 6.30 in the morning. Then a morning snack of 10 almonds. Lunch she wants me having a sandwich but with no cheese, and no processed meats. So they are a few small changes so far. She also knew of PCOS and had recently been to a seminar on it...so that kind of knowledge can only help :)

My PT sessions are going well as well. She seems very focused on breaking my fears and trying to get me to enjoy the gym. I dont think I will ever enjoy the gym...its a necessary evil....im not athletic etc and thats fine....as long as it gets my end result. I do 3 sessions a week...just as I did with Fiona....I think 3 is a nice number...I know it seems expensive...but i think you make more progress with 3....one session a week I dont think really makes much of a impact. The main things we seem to work on is running on the blasted treadmill....and box jumps...neither am I a fan of! lol. In reality I would prefer to do boxing but since I started attending my trainers boxing classes we dont tend to do it in PT. The good thing tho is mentally I am feeling somewhat better at the gym. I now do my PT session plus each week 1 boxing class, 2 RPM classes. Which as I write that I realise I really am now not really doing too much specially when I compare it to what I use to do...bah !

So today has been a good day, my sister is in Adelaide for the weekend so we spent it shopping and eating - oops! No i actually didnt eat ridiculously....weetbix for breakfast...a small sumo salad (which are pretty tiny)....a mini cupcake and skim hot chocolate...a small gelato and a steak burger and fries at hogs breath...not great....but its not binging its just having a few extravagances.

But that said today I was thinking I really need to knuckle down. When thinking over the last 5-6 weeks prolly 80% of the time my eating has been spot on but there was some bad moments, which is prolly why its been so up and down. Friday i did organise to go back to food coaching session. So that will be thursday night.

I have decided that in September I am either going on a cruise (fingers crossed) or 5 nights in Sydney....then also I want to do the city to bay run on sept 21. So enough floundering around....time to get focused as of monday I will do 1400 calories a day no high and low calorie days at least for a bit....I just need to get some consistency and consistency loses.

This weeks workout looks like this:

monday : 30 minute boxing + 30 minute PT (maybe try some stairclimbing or some running on treadmill)
tuesday : 45 minutes RPM + 30 minute PT
wednesday : 45 minutes RPM + 30 minutes treadmill
thursday : 45 minutes cardio (stairs/xtrainer)
friday : 45 minutes cardio + 30 minutes PT
saturday : rest day
sunday : 45 minute work out at the local football oval

So weigh in monday morning...I will use that as my official weigh ins but also weigh thursday night at the gym. If I religiously apply myself there is no reason why i cannot lose weight. I'd really like to weigh in the 80's by the time of the holiday....focus kazz focus!

Update!

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllll! lol Low carbing is just not for me lol. Its not that I miss the bread etc but I like to eat meals I enjoy I just believe if you dont you wont stick to a plan....and I dont like protein foods enough for them to make up a huge proportion of my eating. So back to normal things tomorrow.

On thinking about it today...I think it would be better to even stay at this weight and just work on getting fitter like if thats the worse thing then thats not the worse thing in the world.

Thats not to say I am giving up on losing weight .... im not....im very focused on losing weight. My trainer has really been focused on conquering my fears lately....and with that the two goals have been running on the treadmill and box jumps and we are certainly making progress with both of them. Several times when we have been doing the running Tamika has commented on me running in the city to bay (a 12km run) which is in september. If I am going to run in it I really need to decide within the next few weeks as I would need to start training in June. My current workouts are pretty good....my average week is looking like this:

monday : 30 minutes boxing + 30 minutes PT
tuesday : 45 minutes RPM + 30 minutes PT
wednesday : 45 minutes RPM
thursday : either 45 minutes body pump or 45 minutes RPM
friday : 30 minutes PT
saturday : 60 minutes body pump + 60 minutes body balance

So thats pretty solid exercise...I think if I could add 3 runs a week to it....then exercise wise i would be good to go. I couldnt definitely add a 30 minute run on wednesday and friday nights I think. Most weeks I could do a long one on either sunday or monday as well.

The trainer of our running group has given me a running program before...altho its not for a 12km run....I might message her and see if she has a 12 week program I could use.

The other thing is I think I will go back to food coaching...so think I will ring tomorrow and book in with a new food coach for this coming week. My previous food coach is only available wednesday night and is away any way at the moment...so someone fresh would be good i think

Calorie/Carb Cycling

So....for a while now my eating has been quite good. No binging...no bad cravings its been great. And while I have been eating better and my exercise routine has really improved I am losing a lil weight but nowhere near my potential.

For a while (several months if not longer) i have thought about going paleo. For a couple of reasons....high protein no grains strikes me as the best way to really change my body shape. The other is I have a lot of issues with my ears blocking and sometimes vertigo at night when I roll over and my doctor says this is due to congestion and its definitely worse when drinking milk! It really clicked the other day when I had some milk and within 20 minutes my ear blocked! And was blocked for hours and when you work in a call centre that is not good! Anyway while I saw benefits to paleo I knew I couldnt stick to it day after day...I am just the person who does need some grains!!! So i remembered I had bought chris powells book on carb cycling altho I had never read it LOL.

Anyway its a great book! One of the great things I loved about it is how you need to make promises to yourself and STICK to them. So we really transform and believe in ourselves more when we make a promise to ourselves (like i will drink 3 litres of water per day) and then see that promise out. We do it one promise at a time but the more we do that....with every promise we stick to day by day....our belief in ourselves in increases and this is where transformation happens....while its not about the "plan" it really resonated with me!

So in relation to the plan when I first read it in the book my bthday and a reward day ;) So it will work like this:

monday : low carb
tuesday : low carb
wednesday : high carb
thursday : low carb
friday : low carb
saturday : high carb
sunday : reward day

So the way it works is...you eat 3 meals and 2 snacks....every meal and snack has 1 protein serve (for a woman) and unlimited vegies. On a low carb day you also eat a fat serve with every meal...but they are smart fat serves....so its things like olive oil, cheese, avocado, salad dressing,peanut butter etc. So for example my first low carb day looks like this:

breakfast: protein shake (made with almond milk)
snack:Greek yoghurt and 10 almonds
lunch:150 grams cooked chicken breast with salad of tomato and cucumbers and salad dressing
snack:100 grams cottage cheese and 1 bega stringer
dinner:150 grams (raw) pork steak plus salad and salad dressing

So as you can see incredibly clean...its actually a lot of food especially the amounts of protein. But you are only eating like 2 days straight then I have a high carb day! So the high carb day (wednesday and saturday) will look like this:

breakfast: protein shake (made with almond milk)
snack: Greek yoghurt and 25 grams oats/muesli
lunch: 150 grams cooked chicken breast, salad, 1/2 cup cooked brown rice
snack: Protein shake with almond milk with 25 grams oats
dinner:150 grams cooked chicken breast, salad, plus banana (for after)

So basically as you can say....low carb days you eat fats....high carb days you dont. Reward days which is sundays he recommends up to 2400 calories, still eating protein every meal and focusing on eating in moderation. I am only going to eat up to 2200. The first few weeks I will weigh each morning to monitor and see how my body responds to different days (especially the reward day).

Based on how well my body has responded in the past to calorie cycling I think it will respond really well to this plan. If no real change after a few weeks I will go back to food coaching but I am focused on this working.

Weigh in update :)

Forgot to do a weigh in update! I lost 2.6 kilos so back down to 99.1 kilos. :)

Friday night I did a 45 minute boxing class and then straight after PT. My trainer taught the boxing class...afterwards she was like...did u have fun? hah...really not sure why she thought she might get a positive response to that lol. While i kinda enjoy the punching the whole getting down and doing things like pushups, mountain climbers, burpees etc im just not fit enough for that. Then pretty much soon as the class was over she had me doing intervals on the treadmill at a speed of 9.5kmph i was still holding on but holy crap....i hope she doesnt say to do 10kmph this week...i did it once...and i swear several hours later i thought my lungs were still going to explode....id kinda prefer we back of the speed a bit and work on me running without holding on....but that said i dont think i am going to get a choice in the matter LOL

Yesterday went out to a local "paleo cafe" with Martine. I had a salad of pear, walnuts and beetroot with chicken and a coconut water. Was super nice!

I am only working 3 days this week...thursday and friday is my days off and as it turns out my sister is down for the weekend so i am taking the weekend off as annual leave.

Tomorrow i am working 8-4 then i will be doing a 30 minute boxing class *rolls eyes* and a 30 minute PT session.

Have a good week all!

Back on the treadmill

I havent done a post for a few days. Mostly cos I have had long days and just so tired!

I had my last diet coke saturday night and havent had one since :) I am still eating my protein bars cos on investigation they have no crap items in them and when i researched a bit on Jillians thoughts on protein bars...it was quest bars that she recommended :)

The scales have been moving down nicely this week. I weigh in tomorrow and expecting a nice solid loss.

Ive really been exercising hard lately. Tuesday I did some cardio then 45 minutes RPM and then PT and did the exact same last night. Burnt over 900 calories both nights. Last night Tamika had me on the blasted treadmill running intervals. She is like your going to run at 8.5km/hr I am like I cannot do that...she is all like yes you can your stronger and fitter then you think...im like....my feet wont be able to keep up....well in the end i was doing 1 minute intervals at a speed of 9km/hr admittedly holding on I was convinced tho I couldnt do it...apparantly now I am fine with the speed the next goal is to do it without holding on. Then Tamika wanted me to do box jumps with 3 raises under the step....that didnt happen tho i just dont think I can jump that high....but apparantly friday we are doing it again.

When i was on the treadmil my trainer was like "you have to feel good you know we have hit some goals lately" i was like yeh...lol (exhausted and unconvinced) and then she was like...the box jumps (with just 2 raises) back on the treadmill and running...yeh yeh haha ;)

Tonight i might go to the gym for body pump...undecided as I have been a bit tired and have a scratchy throat so thinking it might be better to have a night of rest so im all good for tomorrow.

Wish me luck with tomorrows weigh in!

Weigh in result :)

So my weight gain from early last week didnt go away by weigh in day and in fact it had increased by 200 grams...so I gained 2.2 kilos this week....back to 101.1 kilos....i was a bit pissed yesterday morning but the reality is I know to gain 2.2 kilos of fat I would have to eat 15000 calories over my maintenance level which I sure as chit didnt do lol.

In relation to my food and processed foods etc....im making one small change....i drank diet coke all the time till i got down to 79 kilos when i previously lost the weight so I dont think it will stop me from losing BUT if it gets to it i will cut it out. So i have been having a quest protein bar in the afternoon and 2 of their peanut butter cups in the morning. The PB cups are 240 calories, 20 grams of protein so I thought it was a good option but of course it is processed....so i will cut that out this week and change it to a banana and 30 grams of tahini...similar calories not as much protein but a good fat but of course a banana and tahini is only minimally processed...plus i love them both :) I will keep having my protein bar in the afternoon and see how it goes. If this change doesnt give me consistent losses I have some other changes I will make. I am lucky tho in one way in that I have done this before successfully and I know what I ate before to lose the weight...so fingers crossed.

I went shopping today :) After body pump I went and got my eyebrows waxed and went to target and bought a pair of gloves, beanie, pair of flanalette pj's and some bonds undies (geeezus they are expensive!)...i then went to Lorna Janes and bought 4 tank tops and a zip up jacket and cos I spent over $200 they gave me a pair of navy flashdance pants (dont fit me yet but WILL)

Despite the weight loss not making huge inroads (I am lower then a month ago altho only slightly) there has been progress in other ways (its not only about the scales!) Since I had my lil meltdown about 6 weeks ago lol and increased my PT to 3 sessions a week I have made some progress....I am now doing box jumps....admittedly only with 2 lifts under the step but box jumps are box jumps lol (but i have a sinking feeling the lifts may increase to 3 this week), I am back running on the treadmill doing sprints...maximum only 1 min 15 seconds....but considering how I was on the treadmill a few weeks ago thats a massive improvement LOL. My cravings have subsided which is fantastic, I have noticed my skin on my face is softer and mentally I feel better...not perfect but a massive improvement. The weight loss will come I dont doubt that just as before when I lost the weight....lots of ups and downs its all good :)

So I was 101.7 kilos yesterday morning...happily this morning I was 101.1 kilos :)

Sunday and blooming fluid

Well ive gone back to daily weighing (my trainer wont be happy about that eeek!) I lost last week and on friday morning i weighed 99.5 kilos....this morning 101.3 kilos :( Its not that I have eaten over calories or anything but I think its cos I am ate too much sodium on friday and saturday. Friday night I have sumo salad which is hugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sodium (over 1000 milligrams) and then saturday I had ravioli carbonara for dinner which is super high in sodium too (thanks to the bacon) On the plus side everyone at work had dominos for lunch on saturday and I just had my sandwich :) So I think sumo salad and pasta I will avoid at least for a while especially sumo salad. I can always have on saturday nights a yiros or a hamburger as a treat. For the moment I am not calorie cycling either...leaving it at 1400 calories a day. Not sure if I will be able to have a loss this weekend....will just need to do my best to get back under 99.5 kilos by xmas.

I do think its time to pull back on the diet coke...altho I am not ready to actually quit. So will see how I go the next few days only having diet coke after dinner and drinking water the rest of the day.

This week I am working 9-5 so not as much gym time this week. But tomorrow night hopefully manage 15-20 minutes cardio followed by 60 minutes or body balance.

I am also going to speak to my trainer this week about my weight training. I am not getting sore after my pump or PT sessions. So I suspect its time to up the ante (much to my disgust! lol) so I am going to talk to her about whether I need to do higher weights and also whether I need to do another weight session per week (she has previously written me a weight program so might need to do that once a week) anyway will wait and see what Tamika says about it all.

Anyway not much else going on....have a good night all :)

Weigh in results

And its weigh in day :) I lost a fab 1.7 kilos this week so very happy with this. So down to 99.5 kilos. So now it is a case of building on that week after week.

It was the first week in the longest time I was on track with both food and exercise. This week i only worked 4 days so it was easier to get into the gym more...so i did 2 body pump classes, 3 RPM classes, 1 body balance class and 3 PT sessions....not a bad haul if I do say so myself! And obviously the scales awarded me :)

The only negative really was the damn treadmill i still feel so unstable on it. Tamika had me on it at a speed of 8.5 last night and I had to ask her to back it off cos it was just way too fast for me. I dont feel like i get proper form or anything but just me moving my legs in a scurrying manner as fast as I can to avoid falling.

Tonight its of to the gym for a PT session of strength and stability. A short workout as I wont be staying back on doing cardio (not on a damn friday night!lol)

Tomorrow i have to work .... then I have sunday off.

Got an award at work today which was a nice bonus! Not much else to say....have a good friday all :)

omg ANOTHER good day! These are becoming a habit - loving it!! lol Yesterday I burnt 1154 calories I cannot remember the last time I have burnt that much. I went to the gym...did 20 minutes on the xtrainer...then a 45 minute RPM class...then a 30 minute PT session of boxing and then at the very end of the session she had me do two 45 second running intervals on the treadmill. After the runs my trainer says about me doing the city to bay and beating my time i did when i previously did it...i was like....when did i say i was doing that??? lol she was like you told me you were going too...so apparantly i may be running it this year (its a 12km run). There is a running group at the gym....im tempted to join....i know the instructor so thats all good....but im not a good group person (as im shy initially) and im soooooooooooooo slow....im seriously a snail....so that puts me off. So we will have a think about it. I know they are training for the mothers day classic at the moment so no point joining yet....im sure they will advertise it a bit more prior to them commencing training for the city to bay.

Food wise things are going really good. Restricting myself to a maximum of 2 slices of bread per day (I still have weetbix for breakfast) but restricting the bread really seems to keep my carb cravings in check, I really am not having the cravings at all. So for the first time in a long time I think I will make progress as long as I keep things up.

My PT sessions have now changed to later in the evening on both tuesday and thursday nights (6.30pm for both) which works better....also means on those nites when time allows it (when i finish work 4pm or earlier) I can do a RPM class before PT. So tomorrow night Ill do RPM and then PT and friday Ill do some cardio (thinking some stair climbing and xtrainer) followed by PT. As i am working till 5pm all next week,,,next weeks workouts wont be as much as this week (i just need to make the most of my time the weeks i can be there earlier)...so will look like this:

monday : 30 minutes boxing + 60 mins body balance (I may not be able to make the boxing but ill try and get there on time)
tuesday : 20 minutes cardio + PT
wednesday :
thursday : 20 mins cardio + PT
friday : PT
saturday : Body pump

Then the week after i finish work at 3.30pm so i will be able to make crap loads of classes so i guess it will all balance out lol in the end

Okies of I go - enjoy all!

More weight work or not....

Things are going pretty good at the moment :)

Food is good. Ive taken a few days of this week which is enabling me to have some extra gym time :) Today I did pump and balance. Tomorrow I am doing RPM and PT session of cardio, and wednesday body pump at lunchtime then will be back to the gym for RPM in the evening. My main concern at the moment is if i am doing enough weight work. While this week I am doing pump quite a few times...as a general rule I only manage to do pump once a week at the most (the times just dont work well with work and my PT sessions), then I do one weight session with my trainer and one stability/strength session (its really more stability work then strength) so I am a lil like....am I really doing everything I could be doing for success...

I ordered some quest bars friday morning (they come from the US) and they arrived this morning! They are at work waiting for me :) How quick service is that????

Not much else is going on...things are going good...altho I suspect my nutrition still needs slightly more fine tuning....but thats something I am still pondering on :)

Good vibes and LJ Shopping :)

I feel like I am in such a good place today :) The funny thing is the scales are the same as they were 2 weeks ago. On thursday night I said to my trainer....only lost 100 grams this week. She was like yes but think of the other gains you had this week. After my issue with the assisted dip machine early in the week I was like I dont feel I trained good this week. She was like you did...you went back to RPM class (hadnt done it due to various reasons for about 5-6 weeks)...you conquered box jumps....you ran on the treadmill...and maybe your lean mass changed as well...it was still a good week.

Someone elses perspective eh? Its needed sometimes. Its been surprising to me I had such a small loss this week considering how well I have eaten but if I just continue it will go down again.

The conquering those box jumps (even tho they were awfully low) was huge to me. I have felt for a long time...this is it...I cannot do what I use too and nothing improves....when we first went to do the box jumps my response was "NO" so I feel very accomplishing (is that a word?) at the moment :)

Today I did body pump....then I went shopping at Lorna Jane! I havent bought clothes from there for sooooooooooooooooooooooo long! I tried about 9 tops on lol. I bought one of their mandy tshirts (best t shirts i love them) and then I bought two tank tops....Ive attached pics below....they were both size large but I am so happy to have some nice workout tops that fit me again - it will hopefully help me feel a bit better at the gym!

Box Jumps and other stuff!

So I went to the gym last night and it was kinda a big night! :)

As I mentioned in my other post yesterday I was not going to say "I dont like this" so the session starts and my trainer goes...box jumps....im like...no LOL. She sets it up so its on the lowest step it can be on and I swear to gawd it took me like 10 minutes of talking myself into it to be able to do one baby box jump lol.

Then she says to me after i had done about 6...keep doing them but jump as high as you can. So I do. So she raises the step one level. I swear it took me another 5 minutes to convince myself to do it again but at the higher level LOL. But I did do it in the end. My trainer was like...that gave me tingles up my spine haha.

So then she is like...10 box jumps then 10 burpees (against the step) then 6 walking planks..survived that! lol Then she is like...we are going to run on the treadmill UGH...the one blessing was she said I could hold on when running but not when walking. So I ended up doing some 30 second sprints at speeds between7 and 8.5 which is HUGE for me (I know its not fast for others but is for me) and some of the running she had me doing at a incline of 5 as well...thought it was going to kill me. I was a lil concerned about flying off the end of the treadmill but especially when she had me on the incline i was more concerned with my breathing..so I survived that lol. Then we did some sideplanks.

I did manage to get to the 20 minute mark of the session before i said "i dont like this" hah ;)

In the beginning my trainer said we are doing everything you really dont like...that she wants to conquer my fears so our sessions can run smoother. Then after she was like did you like that session? I was like actually yeh....i prefer doing circuit style then cardio equipment. She was surprised! lol She said she thought I would walk out and cancel my membership LOL

But I feel good...I feel like last nights session was accomplishing :)

I did weigh in....same weight as 2 weeks ago....oh well...hopefully a better loss next week!

Happy anzac day all :)

Negative attitude

My negative attitude at the gym really needs some focus. I think I mentioned yesterday I say "I dont like this" a lot - and when I say a lot...I mean for every exercise I do...well practically every exercise I do....I think about the only one I dont do it for is chest press lol. So I really need to stop doing that. When I was talking to my trainer last night I was saying "I will never be the person who enjoys the gym" and she replied the amount of times you say "I dont like this" I believe that - oops! But when I went home and was thinking about it I use to LOVE body combat (too bad I fall over in that class too much), boxing, body pump and body balance...I really use to enjoy them. I use to enjoy running too...to think I use to run 10kms every saturday seems insane....I doubt I could run 3kms at the moment LOL and I use to love the running. Of course being terrified of treadmills these days doesnt help altho all my running use to be outdoors with fiona...and I do get tempted to see if fiona wants to start running again but its basically a "training session" which is $50 a session and really with doing 3 PT sessions a week whilst I could manage it...I think that may leave things too tight for comfort.

I jumped on the scales this morning...hadnt been on them for nearly 2 weeks...and there was only 100 grams different to what I weighed at last weigh in :( Not saying its not deserved last week with easter I did have hot x buns, lindt gold bunnies etc...but I still did expect a loss. I will monitor things over the next few days....Ive been snacking on fruit...but maybe I should make one of those snacks a protein based snack. I will see how things pan out the next few days.

Tomorrow it is Anzac Day but I am working. Then I have 5 days off YAY :) I am going to go to some classes during the day on my days off .... I really need to focus on "gym positivity!" lol

Tonight I am off for PT and then the gym is closed tomorrow and back on saturday morning for pump and balance - have a good public holiday all :)

Assisted dips machine = ugh!

So saturday night I decided it was time to get my eating back to how it was several years ago. So back to clean eating. The big thing with this is limiting my bread intake! I have been eating 4-5 slices a day when I was successfully losing my weight I was limiting it to 2 slices a day. So back to that and limiting my processed food (and upping my fruit and vegies)

I wasnt expecting it to be too hard - but I was wrong! I am sure its just the eating less sugar due to the bread. I have also cut back on my diet coke (but am still drinking it). I have had a mix of sore stomach (I think when I cut back on the diet coke then had one it didnt like it), headaches, tiredness etc. I feel better today but lets see how I am by this afternoon (thats when it is worse)

Last night I gymmed it....45 minutes on the cross trainer then 30 minutes of PT (weights). Burnt a total of 501 calories. Tonight I am doing RPM then 30 minute PT session (strength and stability work) . My arms are a bit sore today...she was very mean to my triceps :( She wanted me to use the assisted dips machine which I had never used before OMG that thing is terrifying! lol. I was like a baby on it "can I not just do ordinary tricep dips?" lol...my trainer was like "oh this is like the treadmill...we going to need to do babysteps" lol And I must say I hate that....hate being scared of stuff and hate feeling incompetent :(

Anyway thats enuff for today - enjoy all! :)

Happy easter all :)

Happy easter all!

I am having no easter treats this weekend. I had half a hot cross bun on wednesday (a caramel flavoured one...who knew they came in such flavours!) and then 2 small hot x buns on thursday....then work gave us a 100 gram egg on wednesday (thats 500 calories right there!) and then thursday work gave us a lindt gold bunny also 100 grams....so I have overeaten hot x buns and chocolate even before the weekend started lol. So i figure enough is enough....no more for me this year :)

Foodwise things are going pretty good. (Apart from the easter treats! lol) Exercise wise things are going pretty good...but it is actually time to up the ante! I really need to do a hour of cardio per day...on top of things like PT. I dont want to go back to the extremes of exercise I did when I lost the weight previously...but I think what I am doing is currently not where it should be. Ive not been 100% this week so I am taking this long weekend to rest so once tuesday comes I can throw myself into it. This weeks exercise will look like this:

monday : rest
tuesday : 45 minutes RPM + 30 minutes PT (weights)
wednesday : 30 minutes PT (cardio) and 60 minutes cardio (mix of xtrainer, rower, stairs etc)
thursday : 30 minutes PT (strength & stability) and 60 minutes cardio (mix of xtrainer, rower, stairs etc)
friday : 6km walk
saturday : 60 minutes body pump + 60 minutes body balance

One of my big goals currently is to get back to running on the treadmill. Ever since I fell I am terrified of it. I have avoided it like a plague altho Tamika has still had me go on it at times...only a few minutes at a time. But funnily enough I have walked on it faster and with a higher incline then I ever did before the fall...but I am just too terrified to do it alone. I really want to get back to feeling comfortable enough to run on it...so thats a bit of a thing currently.

My calories I am changing slightly this week (after discussion with Tamika)...so I am slightly increasing my calories on days I do PT...so will look like this:

monday : 1300
tuesday : 1450
wednesday : 1300
thursday : 1450
friday : 1450
saturday : 1800
sunday : 1300

As you can see it is basically calorie cycling....initially I was doing 1300 monday to friday and 1800 on both saturday and sunday.....its essentially the same calories just balanced a lil differently....so will see how that goes....not just on the weight loss front but how I feel in my workouts.

Enjoy your weekend all!

All going good!

While I am not updating daily or anything I do want to post the occassional post. Things are going pretty good.

The scales went down this week...was a good loss (I am trying to not focus on numbers so lets just say it was a respectable loss!)

I had really bad DOMs in my triceps this week...specifically my right tricep so I went easy exercise wise this week. I did my PT sessions (I do 3 sessions a week) but didnt do anything else. Ive never had DOMs like that before and my triceps still feel a lil tight but MUCH better then this time last week :)

With my 3 PT sessions I now do one weight session, one cardio session and one strength/stability session. My trainer has decided she will have me doing all things I hate so I will gain more confidence so I wont be concerned when doing things like her boxing class lol. Last night we were doing strength/stability and she commented I am improving...I am definitely more confident with those sessions so its really good - its a aspect of my training that really isnt about weight loss...its all about increasing my mobility and making my balance better - so it is kinda a unmeasurable part of it all...but its something in my day to day life that it will impact.

Foodwise I am doing good...my focus at the moment is to try different foods...different recipes...I have one for a Haloumi & Quinoa salad I will try tomorrow night. And I think thats a good enough update! lol Enjoy all :)

Update

Well a lot has been happening :) I recently deleted did a mass clean out of my facebook page...not because I wasnt happy with anyone or anything but with so many followers and at times opinions on what I should or shouldnt do with my weight loss i was putting some unrealistic pressures on myself. After having a mini break down and telling my trainer I wouldnt be training for a week I went in and had a chat to her. By the end of the conversation we had agreed I wouldnt do anything weight loss related for a week....so no weighing...no tracking of my food...no blogging....no facebook. It was a very enlightening week! I discussed it regularly with my trainer over that week which I think made me more aware of what these changes had done for me :) I came to the conclusion that facebook doesnt enhance my life....it doesnt add to it. So i decided I would delete everyone I didnt know personally, which I did this week. I am back on fb now....but certainly not as often as I was before :) I did track my food for the week...lol...that one was a lil hard not to do....but I did avoid weighing in for 11 days...which was a bit huge for me....and I think that had some positives...and I am only planning to weigh weekly from now on.

My brain/mind feels a lot calmer. I dont feel so manic about my weight loss. Since I had that chat with my trainer....I have been doing much better...very much on track (I am eating 1300 calories 5 days a week and 1800 calories 2 days a week) which I feel is working well.

With that said....I also decided to increase to 3 PT sessions a week...which is the same as I use to do with Fiona when things were going so well :) So now I do PT tuesday, thursday and friday nights. Tuesday nights we do weights, thursday nights we do cardio (boxing, circuit style stuff) and friday we do a mix of stability strength work. My PT sessions are going good....and especially the stability work I am getting more confident with.

I really need to work more on my confidence in attending classes. I am attending them altho not consistently cos i get so anxious about them but I am working on that.

I am SLOWLY making strides with the treadmill...after falling off it and falling flat on my face I have dreaded using it again....but my trainer keeps throwing me on it lol....tells me I cannot fear a machine. Last night I did manage to walk on it at a speed of 5 and 5.5 for a few minutes....didnt fall....she seems to think I will be running again on it at some point...cannot say I am so keen on that! LOL

My current weight is 99.9 kilos....I am honestly a lot more settled now....its not a race....I am not going to suddenly wake up a size 10....so we will take this slowly and patiently :)

What a week!

Soooooooooooo this has kinda been a eventful week and I cannot remember if I have posted any of this yet!

So....going back a bit.....ive been eating 1200-1300 calories. Over the last few weeks I started to get super tired. I noticed in my workouts I wasnt doing as well as normal...not getting a high strokes per min on the rower....struggling to focus with certain exercises....not doing as high weights on certain exercises. I knew it was possibly related to the lack of food but I figured my body would adjust and to just try and get thru it. Then last weekend I was sick all weekend (gastro, then flu-ish then a migraine). I must admit I was not only tired but i was pissed off.....annoyed by lack of progress...sick of the fact 7.5 years i still wasnt at goal....hate that I had another fall at the gym (when i fell on the treadmill...which I might say is STILL sore ffs!)...feeling too old for my gym blah blah blah the list goes on lol....

So anyway on monday I told my trainer I was taking a week off from the gym and so wouldnt be in for PT. She was a lil surprised but ok with that. I think now looking back on the week I am glad I did it....I was so tired it gave me time to get over my tiredness.

I also did some reading and came across the website www.eattoperform.com. Really interesting site....the premise of their nutrition and exercise....it to eat high enough that it supports your workouts so you can perform at your best. If you eat enough that you can lift more (as a example) then you are going to not all do better but build muscle which if you are maintaining or losing weight via the scale....if your building muscle you would be losing fat. They also dont see carbohydrates as devil food....instead they work on timing your carbs to assist your workouts. So about a hour before i workout i will eat about 50 grams of carbs (so a quest bar and a banana)....then you eat 50 grams after you workout as well as about 25 grams of protein. You eat the carbs before hand to give you the energy to perform and the carbs and protein after is to help with muscle recovery and to get glycogen in your system which is what aids your muscle in recovery.

Now the calorie limit they estimate for me is 2300 calories LOL. But i cannot imagine my cals will get that high. I am starting this tomorrow and will be eating 1500 calories (125 grams of carbs, 125 grams of protein and 55 grams of fat)...then each week i will increase my calories by 100 cals a day. Which will equate to a extra 15 grams of protein and 4 grams of fat lol. The aim is to get my protein up to 185 grams a day which should take 4 weeks....so that point I will be at 1900 calories....I suspect that is as high as I will prolly go as I cannot imagine losing at 2300 calories.

They also have what they call active and control days. Theoretically you eat the same amount of protein and fat on both days....but on your active days (workout days) i would eat 200 grams of carbs and on control days (rest days) only 100-125 grams of carbs. But because I like to do things my own way LOL...my intent is for control days (which will prolly be wednesday, thursday and sunday) will be to eat only 1500 cals. So as you can see my timing of carbs will be quite different....low carb early in the day....and then eating all my carbs from 3pm onwards....

Tomorrow I will take some measurements...some photos...and take note of my LBM, body fat and actual weight. And start. I have already submitted my food in MFP....its a heck of a lot of protein and thats prolly gonna be the biggest struggle...but Im determined to give this a solid try (at least for 3 months unless I have some ridiculous huge gain of weight from it)

Monday night I am meeting with my trainer to discuss things and to look at my workouts and just to get my head back in the game.

Have a good day/night all!

I have taken this week off the gym. I really need to make some decisions about it. There is a part of me that feels I am too old for that gym these days. Its definitely predominantly members under 30....those 40 and over prolly only make up 10% of the clients (and I think I am being generous there lol) and its not just the age thing its that I am so concerned with hurting myself again. As i have mentioned more times then I can count....ever since I broke my wrist in combat I havent gone back to combat. Pisses me off in reality cos it was one class I really enjoyed...but I had fallen over maybe 4 times in that class before I broke the bone so I cannot risk that again :(

I then of course fell off the treadmill last week. It seriously would have been hilarious if I had been watching it...and my foot is still sore 10 days later...I am paranoid about getting on a treadmill again and falling again....bottom line I cannot keep falling and injuring myself....it fails all logic to me to keep going to the gym if all I am accomplishing is that I am hurting myself.

So anyway I sent a message to the gym manager saying to take my name off the foxy challenge...I also messaged my trainer to say I was taking a week off from the gym.

I really need to make a concrete decision one way or the other....either I need to suck it up...throw myself into the gym and get this weight moving....or look at a gym with a "older" demographic....or decide that I am content with this weight....maintain via nutrition but give up this whole gym gig. I off course am leaning towards the first option.....but I need to stop being willy nilly about this stuff...I need to committ...or give it up.

So that is where things are currently at...ive had a few bad days of eatin (101.5 kilos this morning) but im back on track with my eating today. Decisions, decisions.

Ive not had a great weekend....partly due to not feeling well....yesterday morning i had a touch of gastro...then this morning i woke with a sore throat and headache (not feeling too bad at the moment then)...sitting around with not much to do as I was resting has led me to being hugelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy bored and too much time to think!

I then got thinking about how damn long this has all taken....2 years ago...i was a few kilos within goal n now im 20 kilos away seven and a half years later. It does feel like i am never going to get there. My biggest  struggle at the moment isnt the food (even if i havent eaten great the last 2 days) its my exercise and my lack of confidence...i avoid so much cos i lack confidence at the gym....theres a running group starts tomorrow night...im tempted to join it yet at the same time i dont feel confident with a new group of people and running thru the streets of adelaide is terrifying (the other week i was crossing the lights near work....and a car went past and yelled,,,,,move your fat ass...)...i dont do boxing anymore cos i worry that i wont be able to keep up...even tho i realise just doing my best is all that should matter...i dont do body combat cos im scared of falling over....and now having slipped on the treadmill i am absolutely terrified of that happening again ..... blah blah....

I think also signing up for the foxy challenge was a mistake....i dont do good with a "competitive environment" and i really wanna do my own thing with nutrition not feel oblidged to do what others think i should do...im thinking tomorrow i may write a email to the manager of the gym asking to just be taken out of the challenge. I think i should do the running group tho...will decide tomorrow morning! Tomorrow i will weigh in and then will weigh in on friday,,,,,each friday will be a weigh in day :)

Ive been pretty slack about updating this blog....no other reason apart from busy and tired when i have had free time :)

Food wise I am going MOSTLY good...was going great when suddenly last night 15 minutes before bed I wanted grill cheese on toast and had way too many slices of it ;) but back on track today...unfortunate;y with that lil slip up the scales went up 1.2 kilos (is that crazy or what? but mostly that will be from sodium).

The foxy challenge started on monday. I have really done good exercise wise (for me anyway hah!) monday was a public holiday....tuesday, wednesday and today I did 30 minutes cross trainer and a 30 minute PT session and thursday I did 30 minutes on the xtrainer....tomorrow i will do body pump and body balance. Tonight we did a kettle bell circuit...i came home and wrote it out hah since i now have a 8 kilo kettle bell...so might do it on sunday.

Today I went and bought new shoes! One pair of asics cross trainers and one pair of asics running shoes (might need to use them to actually run!) might even venture out and do a run on sunday :)

Weight wise I lost 1.4 kilos this week....altho....will have to see what happens next week considering last nights grilled cheese LOL Oh well rome wasnt built in a day!

I decided to set some goals too:

Under 95 kilos by April 2
Under 90 kilos by April 23
Under 85 kilos by June 4

They are all pretty BIG goals...really need to be getting the exercise and the nutrition spot on....next weeks exercise schedule is:
monday : 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes boxing
tuesday : 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes PT + 30 minutes functional fit
wednesday : RPM + 30 minutes cardio
thursday : 45 minutes body pump + 45 minutes RPM
friday : 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes PT
saturday : 30 minutes cardio + 60 minutes body pump + 60 minutes body balance

:)

Oops theres a treadmill in my way :(

So one of my biggest fears happened...I fell on the bloody treadmill....I didnt roll my ankle or anything my shoes just seemed to have no grip and I slipped ended up lying flat on the treadmill with the stupid thing still going...if i had seen that happen...I woulda laughed....i was beyond embarressed...I really dont know I can do the treadmill anymore...I dont do it often cos I worry ill hurt myself and there it happens...not that I am badly hurt or anything....grazed my knees and the top of my left foot is tender....that is all...im sure it will be all good in a day or two.

I then of course I got in a funk. Ive already been thinking I am too old for this gym gig. I think every fall...or every time I feel incompetent there i feel more and more the time is to give up on this gym thing. Ultimately I can be at a healthy weight range without the gym...we all know weight loss is 90% nutrition. But at the same time I know weight training is important to help reduce the effects of the loose skin. At this point...I wont do step....combat...attack...or go on the treadmill. I still have cardio I can do...RPM classes...cross trainer....stair climbing out on the stairs at the back of the gym. In fact maybe I should get back into the stair climbing...I like the solitude of it...it really helped with my fitness when I did it previously. On top of that I have my PT sessions...body balance....body pump. Ill prolly get bored but for the moment I think those are the things I should stick with....maybe if I could do those things without killing myself I might increase my confidence and I could get back to other things. The other thing is maybe I should start thinking about running outdoors....the thing about running is it burns oodles of calories for me...so I really benefit from it. If these things dont work I could always move on to things like insanity....im just not very good at being dedicated at home workouts.

The foxy challenge starts on monday. As of this morning I weigh 98.3 kilos. I would LOVE to be 85 kilos by the end of the challenge (stat of june) but 13.3 kilos is a LOT to lose within 12 weeks. It is doable but a lot of work. I have been eating 1200-1300 calories lately....and easily maintaining at that eating level....the foxy challenge is for 1200 calories a day...Ill stick to what I have been doing. 85 kilos is when I would fit into my size large LJ flashdance pants....I have two brand new pairs...I would be ecstatic to wear them again! Not much else going on....just 200 grams of hitting 75 kilos lost....hopefully reach that early next week :)

So workout wise it will look like this this week (this is the plan anyways!)

monday : 6km walk/run (dependant on how my foot is by then)
tuesday : 30 mins cardio + 30 mins PT
wednesday : 14 flights of stairs + 45 mins RPM + 30 mins PT
thursday : 7 flights of stairs + 45 mins pump + 45 mins RPM or 30 mins functional fit
friday : 45 mins boxing + 30 mins cardio + 30 mins PT
saturday : 60 mins body pump + 60 mins body balance

Weigh in day :)

Weigh in day :) Which is always a good day if I lose! hah! Lost 1.8 kilos. So i am now down to 99.1 kilos. The foxy challenge starts on monday which runs for 12 weeks. Whilst it would be awesomeeeeeeeeeeeee to get to 85 kilos by the end of the challenge I think thats me just dreaming hah! So going to aim for 8.5 kilos to be lost over that time. Since the challenge works on a points system for the more things you attend at the gym...this was the primary reason for doing it as it may get me to be more consistent with the gym...which is what I really need to focus on at the moment. I feel like I have got my nutrition right where it needs to be for the modem...but boy oh boy the gym is lacking lol.

I really need to get over being anxious about entering group situations. Thats what puts me of boxing classes. The gym is starting a running group. $80 to attend twice a week for 6 months. But again I just dont like group scenarios (any wonder why i always like to do PT lol)...I know ill be the slowest....and while i get the concept the more you run the faster/better you get thats never worked for me. I know partly thats cos I dont like taking myself out of my comfort zone. The idea while running of huffing and puffing is revolting to me lol yet I realise I need to do that to get better.

But apart from that all is good! :)