Ahhhh those scales....

Im expecting the scales to be up in the morning. Not cos i have eaten anything wrong. This morning i was still 78.9 kilos but tonight i noticed the scales are higher then i would like. Its not that I have eaten anything wrong...think its just other stuff going on. For the last week i have been doing overtime most days plus i only had sunday off last weekend not a whole 2 days off...im too tired with the overtime to get to the gym as well...so im just trying to get thru to this weekend...3 days left and then its done. Ill have the money for the accomodation for Sydney...all ive got left to save for then is the filex convention...all doable! But no more overtime for a while after this week its too friggin hard with my other goals in life. So this week ive only exercised once...and i prolly wont exercise till saturday morning. Also the weather has been warm...so while im sleeping okay...prolly not as well as usual...and possibly ive got some fluid retention. So my aim is to get to the end of the week...and get back on track exercise wise as off saturday. Ive still been eating 1200-1280 calories...but i need to get the exercise going too.

My focus the next few months will be focusing on upper strength so i can reach that goal on a unassisted chin up by the end of 12WBT...will be interesting to see how my body changes over the next few months seeing as im doing lean and strong and focusing on the upper strength. Think i will take some close up shots of my back and upper chest...flexing to see the changes LOL

Not much else going on...short, sharp, shiny update today!

Goals

So task 3 for 12WBT is goal setting...so here we go....so i prolly should preface this by saying ive decided after chatting to fiona to do the lean & strong program...i will be within 5 kilos of goal...and as i am constantly battling these foot issues a focus on cardio is prolly not wise...plus im prolly close to that point where its time to focus on strength stuff.

So at the end of the 12WBT (mid may):

- so as i plan to be between 77 and 78 kilos at the start of 12WBT i want to at least reach 72 kilos...which would mean a loss of 500 grams per week...but the "dream" would be to get down to 68 kilos ... which would mean a loss of 830 grams per week (that is actually doable I feel)
- to fit into a pair of black LJ flashdance pants size medium
- to fit into a pair of LJ camoflague pants size medium
- to fit into a pair of size 10 jeans (from jeanswest)
- to do one pull up (unassisted)
- to be back to boxing classes
- to be able to do 10 full & low pushups

At the end of 12 months:

- to still be maintaining my weight in the healthy weight range
- to have completed the eureka stair climb (92 flights)
- to be working towards my goals of "giving back"
- to be able to do 10 full proper burpees
- to be able to do 10 full proper tricep dips

FAQ

Added some frequently asked questions on the right hand side for anyone interested :)

Weigh in :)

Three days with no post! Bad bad kazz ;) Weighed in this morning was sitting at 79.1 kilos...so have lost 1.9 kilos this week....3.9 kilos in the last 2 weeks....so think sitting around 1220 cals per day is definitely working (YAY) So getting to 78 kilos by 13 feb and 72 kilos by 23rd march is all on track :))

Ive decided to go to Sydney in April and filex (fitness industry 3 day convention) booked the flights thursday nite....now i need to save for accomodation and the cost of the convention. So thursday and friday i did overtime...and this week im doing overtime 4 days...then i should pretty much have paid either the accomodation or filex :) I then wont do overtime for a few weeks...but i will do it again when we are on the late starts again (starting 1-2 hours earlier doesnt affect my gym time) I wont have much free time while there but im certainly looking forward to the trip...and wrapped that i dont have to worry about fitting into airplane seats!

I finally got into my "Large" size black flashdance pants....super excited to make some progress there....the camoflague ones are still too tight....maybe when i get to 77 kilos they will fit me. Not much else to say...i havent even been to the gym! LOL slack arse i am....but back there monday nite...no class...but will do some stairs and xtrainer and maybe practice some of the dreaded fitball stuff fiona wants me practicing (im so not a lover of the fitball!)

Enjoying the journey.

Something I learnt when I started training with Fiona was that I always was more successful when i "enjoyed the journey". You are prolly reading that thing WTF!?! who enjoys dieting and exercise? Food is food...regardless what diet/eating plan you are doing...try different foods....try different recipes. Discovering new foods that you enjoy, stepping out of your comfort zone and not eating the same foods all the time will enable you to make new discoveries. When you don't look at it is as chore...when its important to you and you feel like you are accomplishing something...the self satisfaction you will encounter will enable you to enjoy it. Accomplishing doesnt mean just a number on the scales....its that feeling at the end of the night were you feel proud cos you had a good eating day...its discoverring a new food and thinking "how will i incorporate that into my cooking?"...its the clothes getting looser...its the self pride you feel for knowing you are doing your best to become the best you, you can be.

Im not a exercise lover...so how do I enjoy that part of the journey? Good question! LOL Actually the answer is about self pride again...when i walk out of the gym and know i tried my hardest....when i do something at the gym that 6 months i couldnt do...when i look in the mirror and see the changes...self pride equals happiness (in my eyes anyway)

Don't look at exercise or nutrition as torture...or a chore...cos if you do...then thats what it becomes.

When we take control we empower ourselves and with that comes the pride. Think back to when you werent on this weight loss journey...did you feel pride? Did you feel happiness? In relation to how you felt about yourself probably not. Certainly other parts of your life may have been great but the "internal you" most likely wasnt feeling great. And thats why when we take control even just that first step we feel that lil bit better about ourselves....and other time with each step we feel happier and happier. For me i have now got a place where i feel internally there is a "lightness" to me....im not filled with doom and gloom that holds me back and makes me unhappy....yes life isnt perfect just cos i have lost weight....but there is a part of my life that is happier...and that makes dealing with life as a whole easier. It truly just gives you a appreciation for how good life can truly be :)

So big lesson last nite....on hot days i think i need a extra snack right before i work out and maybe some extra water. Had a dizzy spell last nite that didnt completely go away whilst exercising. It was whilst doing the xtrainer i started to get it...but when climbing stairs it got significantly worse. But lesson learnt :) Whilst i was talking about goals yesterday (and yes i realise maintenance will be a big goal)....i wasnt thinking about the fact i want to do the eureka tower climb in Melbourne in november. Its 90 flights of stairs lol and is in the top 10 stair climbs in the world (more stairs then the empire state building) so i really need to start working towards that NOW. I basically need to work up to "9 lots" of the stairwell at the gym....which is 63 flights of stairs and equals the same number of stairs. Last october i had built up to "5 lots" so 35 flights....so basically its 10 months to work towards it...completely doable.

This morning the scales dropped by 100 grams this morning so down to 79 kilos, wooot woooo getting awfully close to 77 kilos....i may just be in the "healthy weight range" when 12wbt starts....definitely 1200 calories works for me after the last 6 months of last year sitting around 83 kilos....its nice to finally see some results. When i wore my XL flashdance pants last nite i noticed they are definitely sitting looser and longer on me. I reckon by the time i get to 77 kilos i will be able to wear my L size flashdance pants and be getting close enough to train in them. Im even starting to think about come september i am having a week off....and i think ill take a holiday (am also going to sydney in April for 4 days)...nowhere overly expensive...either gold coast and brisbane or possibly a week in bali or fiji since the prices for asia seem to have dropped so much...will wait and see closer to the time before i make any real decisions.

Anyway...have a good wednesday all!! :)

Once at goal...

This morning the scales said 79.1 kilos :) 91.8 kilos lost....wow wow wow!!! So happy!!! So i have 2.1 kilos to get to the healthy weight range. Im aiming for a goal weight of 72 kilos which i want to reach by 23/3/12....and im quietly confident of doing that. I think 72 kilos will probably be a good weight for me to sit at....once i get there i may try and lose another 4 kilos...but i somehow think 72 kilos may be where i settle.

Getting so close to goal brings something to the forefront which has been in the back of my mind for quite a while. I have been at this weight loss gig for 5.5 years...its been a huge goal....everything i have done has pretty much been about what the scales will say the next day/week. What I ate ... whether i socialised....going to the gym....getting enough sleep at night....and always at the end of it was the scales...or whether my clothes were getting looser etc. One thing this journey has made me realise is i need goals in my life....if i have a goal...i focus and work towards it....so my brain is now like...wtf will my next goal be??? Will it be....to focus on getting a social life...to travel....to simply live my life more....i have said for a long time id like to study to be a personal trainer...id still like too...but i know getting well paying jobs in the fitness industry is hard (and yes its not all about money its about enjoying your job....but i obviously have bills that would need to be paid!)...to be a personal trainer you need to be able to show the different exercises and be able to show them properly....i can't LOL things like pushups...burpees for example....i always thought when i got smaller id be able to do these things "properly" but i still can't lol....and i highly doubt ill ever truly be able too...the other thing is i dont have a great record when it comes to studying....its a lot of money to spend....if im going to get half way thru and then give up.

So if i dont study to be a personal trainer...what goals in life (not necessarily a career) am i going to go for? I know a lot of people get to goal then they get into marathon running, or cycling or triathlons or whatever....they will never be for me.

Yes i would like to get into motivational speaking and my new site is being worked on which will hopefully lead me to being able overtime to help people with their weight loss battles...but that will all take time.

If i decide to try to travel...well its expensive when your single...id love to go on a cruise...but going by myself i dont think id enjoy...going to somewhere like bali or fiji i dont think id feel safe by myself....(and ive discussed the whole lack of friends thing recently) so bottom line...yep ill be at goal within a few months....but then what the hell to do next!!

Thank you.

I wanted to firstly say thank you for all the supportive comments i got on my journal and facebook following my post on the excess skin issue. I went to bed wondering why other peoples opinions were getting to me so much...and why i was so sensitive about this subject. I realise tho - the perfectionist on me sees the excess skin as a "failure" and people shoving down my throat what they think just kind of hammers it into me a lil bit more that i failed. I know realistically i have done a great job with my weight loss...i know i did the right things and eat mostly clean and exercise and do weight work....but i guess i feel i "failed" because i am not one of the people whose skin bounced back. But as i said last nite...it is what it is...and the excess skin is a lot better deal then dealing with being obese!!!!

Anyway onto other stuff....the scales are looking good tonight!!! im a lil excited about jumping on them in the morning ;)

I had today off....and spent the day at home....so rare for me to be able to spend the entire day at home...but was so nice...washing got done....cleaning got done and i got plenty of time to relax :) I have the next two days off too - YAY :) Tomorrow nite i am training with Fiona...during the day no real plans...i could go to the gym during the day as well but i prolly wont lol...instead ill get some more stuff done around the house....and relax some more...am planning to try and start doing some overtime over the next few weeks to help cash me up for Sydney in April...so will make the most of the relaxation whilst i can.

Photos were uploaded from the resolution run on friday night...so i have uploaded a few for you all to view :)

Excess Skin....

There is a topic of conversation which of late pisses me off. See,,,,anytime i say "excess skin" people are jumping on the band wagon of telling me to have excess skin surgery...if i say its not what I want I am being told i am "crazy" or "silly" or they just try to get their point across. Now i respect everyone may have a opinion on the topic itself....but i dont respect everyone having a opinion on what i should do.

From day one of this journey i said....i will have skin surgery if it becomes a health issue. So if it caused infections etc i would talk to the appropriate specialists. Now i dont encounter any health issues associated with my skin, yep i may grumble about it at times (no different to someone grumbling they dont like the size of their nose....or the colour of their hair)....thats my right as a imperfect human being to grumble. So right at this point there is no health reason to get the surgery.

Last year when it became apparrant i would end up with some excess skin,,,,i decided to research it a lil. I firstly visited this journal http://spinnyliz.blogspot.com . To do a mini recap, she had a body lift done on 14 sept 2007, in the first 2 weeks after surgery she had very low blood pressure, internal bleeding fixed by a second visit to surgery, blood transfusions, and extreme constipation. Two months later after infections she was back at the doctors having to have fluid being removed by a needle. She had her surgery mid september and didnt return to work till early december and then only on a part time basis. Three months later part of her scar still required dressing, she still has swelling and the skin is tight limiting her movement and giving her back pain she needs to take anti flammatories for. Four and a half months later the hole in the incision which was taking longer to heal still hadnt healed. Now you can read all that and say well thats to be expected (and keep in mind she still had to have the skin on her arms, breasts and thighs done) but thats 4.5 months of her life. Three months where she was unable to work. For me as I have no health issues relating to my skin I do view it as unnecessary surgery, Ive worked for over 3 years on my fitness levels there is no way I am taking 3 months off to recover from ONE surgery knowing that it wouldnt be the only surgery if I went down that path. And yes this is just one girls story....but trust me there are others. So for those who have the surgery with lil complications and are happy with the results i say more power to them...but for me its not the path i will go down, i am more then happy with my decision as I know it is right for me, what I am not happy with is the responses I get when ever i mention the words "excess skin".

This is a you tube clip, its not all about excess skin surgery but it does show you what the consequences can be, admittedly it appears this girl didnt have the best surgeon she could have had from the closing remarks, but i also discovered she was in hospital for a year recovering (be aware its VERY GRAPHIC) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7cVGpLquD4

Not only recovery times, and time out from training....but there is a huge financial cost to take into account, as well as time off work. Financially I am not in a position to afford it and I cannot afford months off work, so they are the final reasons why I wont be having it done.

That said i dont think my excess skin is that bad ... "it is what it is"....any excess skin i have has come about from the person i was....its a reminder to me every day of how far I have come. And I may not always love it but I know it can take up to 2 years once you reach your goal weight to know how the skin will really end up at. Once at goal my intention has always been to build more muscle which will hopefully help, and hopefully my body will adapt to well.

Now that i have said my thoughts on the topic i will say anyone who tries to throw their views at me or suggest i am silly or crazy or any other negative opinion for my decision i will simply delete their comments and if on facebook remove and block them off facebook. I believe i have been very open and honest with my journey, even to the point of taking photos of my excess skin, but this is one topic thats not open to debate...its one topic that people need to let go of and respect my decision.

Resolution Run

We did the resolution run yesterday :) It was a rather hilly course which my ankle really didnt like...we did run some parts of it but mostly walked it....it was really good tho I enjoyed it...I walk 6+ kms at least once a week most weeks so walking 7.5km was okay, altho i do have sore thighs today and a tender ankle but it is all good. Earlier in the day I had done body pump too :) so was a good exercise day. Then went out for something to eat with Fiona and Sarah - we went to Kwik Stix which I had never been to before...3 steamed dimsims and a chicken salad followed by a skim hot chocolate :)

We also discussed yesterday me going to filex...so ive pretty much decided i will go presuming i can register...i think i can...if so ill book that this week, then save up for the trip..only gotta then pay flights and accomodation and its not till late april so plenty of time to save for that and SHOPPING money....its being held at Darling Harbor so will be a mini holiday :) So no Lorna Jane shopping for a while, whilst i save LOL

The scales were up to 81 kilos this morning...but one of the dim sims had some soy sauce on them last nite...and when i checked myfitnesspal it said my sodium was 3500 yesterday - ooops! Im such a nazi about my sodium normal and is sometimes as low as 650mg so i know my system wouldnt have liked that....im sure i will be lower by the morning.

Hope everyone has a fab saturday!

Under 80 kilos (again lol) and pics :)

I was 79.8 kilos this morning :) But had lunch with mum today so doubt that will last for long! LOL But i was rather good...normally we do entree, main and dessert....i had one piece of bruschetta, we shared a wood oven pizza and i said no to dessert (even when the waitress was saying "you sure you dont want to try one of our cakes?" - i told the girl she is evil ;)) We then went to the movies....mum was like u want anything to take in and i was like no...so no food in the movies! (went and saw girl with the dragon tattoo) and then came home and had a turkey sandwich and a freddo frog. I did also burn 500 calories this morning...i was very happy that i didnt throw the whole day away :)

Tomorrow i am going to do pump at lunch time...got the resolution run and then going out for dinner....and i have all planned what i am having...thai chicken salad :)

I tried on my Large size flashdance pants this morning...i could wear them out now...just not lose enough to workout in....YET but getting there....hopefully only another couple of kilos and i will be right to wear them

Did take a couple of pics today too...ive posted them below :)

80.3 kilos this morning :)

Argh work is so busy!!! So glad i have the next two days off :) I decided as I am going to the gym first thing in the morning and then hopefully back for balance tomorrow nite to skip the gym tonite. So as i wasnt gymming it...i threw on my size 14 black new jeans and a lil grey top with a black jacket...i looked good! Admittedly the top was quite camoflauge with my bad parts of me (like arm wings) but I felt good and I knew it ! LOL very bizarre feeling, and numerous people commented that i looked nice. :)

So in the morning i am off to the gym...im doing my first slim session for about 3 months. Only doing it to mostly check my body fat percentage....im kinda nervous that it may not have gone down. It was about 31.7% last time it was checked....i would love LOVE love it it drops under 30% but since the scales havent moved much over the last few months im not sure that, that will happen. Talking about scales i was down to 80.3 kilos....so im nearly completely rid of my "xmas fat" - the lowest i got was 79.5 kilos so not far off that.

Then tomorrow i am off for lunch with mum. We do this every year for my birthday instead of giving me a present...usually its a free for all..with entree, mains and dessert....but this year ive already told mum i wont be going nuts with the food. I will have a main meal (prolly pasta or share a wood oven pizza with mum) and then a skim hot chocolate. After we are going to the movies to see "the girl with the dragon tattoo".

Last nite at the gym i was doing a exercise with a cable machine and then fiona goes "youve got muscles" and starts pointing out different muscles and starting to tell me im starting to get ripped LOL (shoulders and arms area) and all i can see is my arm wings of excess fat hanging down :( I swear its like wearing a outfit thats 3 sizes too big for you. And before its asked (its been asked a lot lately) no im not having any excess skin surgery. Tomorrow nite im hoping to get back to the gym in time for balance. But hopefully it will be a nice stress free day (me and my family have moments at times!)

Ive come to the conclusion all my LJ trista singlets (which i have a trillion off) are too big :( So need to get some more in size S. I also found a few new singlets i want lol of course, theres about 4 i want...good lawd!!! hehe they need to stop coming out with new stuff...but admittedly only 3 of my singlets i previously bought fit me....so need to splash out (the problem with losing weight!!)

Good start to the week :)

Back at the gym today, worked this during the day then headed to the gym. Cycled for 10km, then did a 30 minute ab class and then 45 minute body combat class...burnt 810 calories so a great start to the week :) This morning i was 81.3 kilos. So at this stage...I am 4.3 kilos from the healthy weight range...and 9.3 kilos from my "ultimate" goal - i have settled on that at 72 kilos...once i get there ill reasses but i kinda think if i lose more then another 10 kilos...while i could prolly still lose a lil more im worried that anymore n ill just look like a skeleton wearing a outfit of skin thats 3 sizes too big LOL. I suspect at 72 kilos id be able to fit into medium sized flash dance pants from lorna jane...and size 12 jeans....so that works for me. Ive never thought id get below size 12 in the jeans department so if i do make it to there i will be more then happy :) And i want to be there by march 23!

Work was hectic as crap today....ready for my day off on thursday already! LOL

Tomorrow after work I am training with fiona :) nice doing training sessions with her again! Last night i made a chicken, baby spinach, walnut, feta, blackberry, apple and celery salad ... yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! Tomorrow nite its a orange and mint chicken salad!! YUM YUM!!!

Ahhhhh Rest day

im having a nice relaxing rest day today, washing is getting done and doing the first day of my menu plan :) So far so good...breakfast was a yummy 2 slices of toast with low fat cottage cheese (i forgot how yummy that is) i added some fresh chives and tomato...lunch was open burger....and dinner is a chicken salad made with walnuts, feta, celery, apple, baby spinach, blackberries and a dressing of olive oil and white balsamic vineger...looks yummy.

Yesterday as i mentioned i tested body pump...with super light weights and happy to say absolutely no back pain...in fact my back feels the best it has felt, dont think its the pump that helped with that so much but the fact it was my 5th day in a row of exercising ... my back is just much better when im moving around. Last nite i set a FB status update for every "like" i get ill walk/run/row or cycle 1km...its up to 117km LOL...so think i will aim to cycle 8km most days this week and then walk 2kms....and then do my classes as per normal LOL. I have thursday and friday off this week....thursday going out to lunch with mum and thursday morning having a slim session so i can see where my body fat is at...on friday i have the resolution run...it starts at the zoo which we get free entry into from 3pm so i think ill go early and walk around so i can get some extra kilometres in before the run. Nice only having to work 3 days before another couple of days of work lol then i only work saturday and sunday and have monday to wednesday off ;) (yep its a damn hard life!! lol)

The scales were down to 83 kilos this morning...so to get under 82 kilos by saturday i am on target for :) Pulled out my size large flashdance pants again today. The plain black ones fit but not quite loose enough to exercise in...the pink camoflauge ones are skin tight! LOL...so think ill wait till im under 78 kilos before trying either of them on again!

The scales were back up to 84 kilos this morning....i think my cycle is due in 4 days so not concerned. Gymmed it today :) Did a hour with Fiona...lots of cardio -rawr- and then we decided i would test out pump....so i did it with a total of 2.5 kilos on the bar...my back didnt hurt the entire class :)) i did feel my back tho in the bicep track but think that was fatigue more then anything...the side plank hurt my shoulder/neck but think maybe next time ill just do normal plank (which is what i did during the rest of the ab track - since i cant do crunches!) So even tho it wasnt a big calorie burn it certainly good to test it :) I then did body balance....so burnt a total of 1078 calories. So ive done a menu plan for the next week...lots of variety and some new recipes. I have set a challenge on facebook...basically for this one status for every "like" i get i need to either row, run, walk or cycle 1km...lol....currently its up to 64kms LOL....so i will be incorporating that in this weeks work out plan. So each day this week at the gym ill row for 10 minutes (most i can do at the moment) and walk/run where i can fit it in so this weeks exercise plan is something like this:

mon - abs class + body combat
tues - train with fiona (possibly)
wed - cycling
thurs - body balance
fri - body combat + resolution run

So plenty to do this coming week! Im setting the goal to get under 82 kilos by next saturday....big ask but i think with some of the changes im planning to put into place this week.. :)

Fiona told me a cute story today....she was at the lorna jane store i shop at. Anyway fiona was with sarah looking at a top and says "karyn bought this one" and the shop assistant overheard and said "yes karyn was in here yesterday" LOL she then tells fiona how out of the LJ book with the different weight loss stories that her husband said im his favourite .... LOL .... who knew! No wonder i get such good service there!! And of course Fiona was then able to say I was Karyns trainer ;) win-win all round lol

Good, good day!!!

So yesterday turned out to be a pretty damn good day :) I got an award at work...so got 5000 wishlist points (which i can use to shop with - i have over 12000 now :)) Then i had a peek at Lorna Jane and saw they had new clothes in! So i spotted a singlet i like....and went there with the intention of ONLY buying that singlet LOL well they had a sale and had some tshirts reduced to $24 ... so i had a look at them...found two i liked...but they didnt have size SMALL so thought wonder if my bod can fit into a size XS (not expecting it would!) but it did!!! OMG amazzzzzzzzzzzzing (refer pics on previous post) admittedly i dont wear loose fitting tshirts as with my body shape i look smaller if i wear fitted tops...so i was super excited by that :)

Then went to the gym....and trained with Fiona for a hour :) tried to run but only lasted about 200 metres before my ankle played up :( so i then did the xtrainer. I havent used the xtrainer since my last PT session with fiona at the gym...which was back in early october LOL...omg was so hard and definitely was sweating doing all these random levels between 5 and 20. Then we did some ball exercises and LOTS of walking lunges while holding a viper weight above my head...she has gone thru a lot of exercises with me so i have lots of different exercises i can do by myself...mostly its all resistance stuff but instead of weights its using my body which works better with my back...fiona also showed me her own program (which is mostly ball work) which i can do too...so lots more options and will be in there tonite to do a hour.

I was just in the kitchen at work and two of the managers were in there and one (who has been away from most of the time since last october) was saying...you have shrunk so much since october...and the other said over the last few months you have got so much smaller...and i realised while i have altho i dont notice it so much especially around the hips and stomach...i am still hovering around the same weight i 3 months ago. The scales did drop 100 grams this morning so down to 82.6...a bloody lot better then they were on saturday morning at 88.3 kilos! lol A 5.7 kilo since saturday is not bad at all :)

Oh and last night Fiona said when i get to goal we are going to go out for a meal and some cocktails! LOL theres an incentive :)

Not much else going on...have a good friday all!

SIZE 28-30 TO SIZE XS

YES!!! Size XS from Lorna Jane for two tops tonite!!! So excited so i have done a lil pic update :)

:)

The fact I didnt have NYE plans has played on my mind. I havent gone out on NYE for years...but i didnt actually have one invite out....in reality i shouldnt be too surprised. One of my goals 5 years ago was to have more of a social life....and if someone monitored my facebook they would think i would have plenty of friends...i get numerous messages every day but mostly they are questions relating to diet/exercise. its made me realise while i have lots of aquaintances...i do have different friends i catch up with on a semi regular basis...but no real close friends. No friends i go out with regularly...and dont get me wrong im not a huge party animal...a nite out for me is going out for dinner...or maybe to see a movie....not out at clubs or whatever. Part of the reason is i have walls up...i know i do...i keep people at a distance....i dont "chase" for friendships...i dont suggest plans or anything like that....mostly cos i dont think people would want to make plans with me....even tho people reading this prolly think "ur silly kazz" but its the way i think....even some of my friendships who are closer then others to me...i dont "believe" they honestly want to be friends with me...i think its out of sympathy...or im gonna wake up one day and realise they dont want to be my friends. I think every now and then oh i should join pink sofa....or i should go over to sydney for weight watchers meet up etc etc....but then the closer the time comes for these things....i realise i dont wanna do them....maybe its not i dont wanna...but im too scared to go thru...cos i just dont have that belief that someone would want to spend time with me...i know its not logical in some ways...but its the way my brain (maybe the 170 kilos brain ) works.

The scales were up by 100 grams this morning so back at 83.2 kilos....food was good today and i burnt 860 calories. Ran up 14 flights of stairs, did some weight stuff and then a freestyle cycle class....damn hadnt done that class in ages...killed my legs...but so far ive burnt 1764 calories so im very happy with that!! I booked in a slim session next week...mostly just to check my body fat which was 31% 3 or so months ago....so whilst im around the same weight will be interesting to see what my body fat % is :)

Amazing how one visit to the gym and i feel back in the zone :) This morning the scales were down to 83.1 kilos...so ive dropped 5.2 kilos since saturday...obviously all fluid...but im very glad to see it dropping (lets face it, it jumped up high quick too! Went to the gym tonite..used the foam roller on my back....then did 10 pushups with my feet up on a bench, 50 tricep dips and 12 assisted pullups...and all of them i did non stop :) I then walked on the treadmil for 10 minutes and then did a RPM class...its stinking hot here at the moment (35.9 today) so i think the heat is getting the calories burnt higher then normal...plus i hadnt done a cycle class since november! The class was rather good cos she did lots of shoulder rolls and back stretches thruout the class...so i think that i may have to try and slot that in as a permanant class on tuesdays. Gym tomorrow nite too...its suppose to be cooler so ill definitely do the stairs and then do a freestyle cycle class..hopefully get a nice calorie burn again

Today I didnt work...just getting over the remainder of this sunstroke/migraine. Trying to eat 1200 cals the last few days i have decided is just not for me. So i have decided to do 1450 cals a day. I know ive registered for 12wbt but i think ill still do 1450 cals...for a variety of reasons...i just dont think i NEED to cut my cals back that much...ive always taken the philosophy to eat as much as i can while maintaining losses. 1450 calories should have me losing about half a kilo a week. Then throw my cals i burn on top of that...and whilst i know the 12wbt is all about only eating 1200 cals...thru and thru im a jillian michaels girl and her suggestion for losing the last 10 kilos or so is to only have a daily deficity of a 500-700 cals per day (700 cals being the maximum) this just seems a lil bit healthier and more doable to me. And whilst i will still follow the 12wbt meal plans i will add a extra 250 cals per day (unless im not losing) im keener to lose slower and make sure i have the calories to sustain my workouts as well as to maximise the different nutrients going into my body. This is for lifetime for me...not just 12 weeks and i know my body and my headspace...after doing this for 5 years...and think this is the right route to me. I also wont be doing any of the "social" stuff with 12wbt...i wont go to the end of year party...or group workouts...i know how i work best...thats adapting things to me...and im much better working out by myself. I thought maybe i could do the group thing...but the more i think about it the more i realise its not for me.

The scales this morning were 84.5 kilos so they have dropped by 3.8 kilos since saturday (hows that for fluid retention!)Back to the gym tomorrow...hopefully its not too hot in the stairwell at the gym and i can do 21 flights of the stairs...maybe run 1km (see how i feel after the stairs) then some pushups and pullups that i got the okay from fiona to do :) If i feel really energetic i mite then do RPM ill see how hot it is in the gym...my aim will be to burn 700 calories and as i said eat 1450 calories. I did go thru the crunchtime recipe book...pulled out different recipes to try so thats going to be another focus...eating different foods.

The start of 2012

Well its 2012...my new year eves was pathetic LOL As i said yesterday i was out in the sun and burny 1724 cals...well appears i got a bit of sunstroke...by yesterday evening i couldnt handle the light from anything being on and had a pounding headache and was exhausted...by 8.30pm i was out of it and slept for nearly 12 hours ;) When i woke up i felt better but my head is still sore...so took some coedine slept some more and does seem improved this afternoon.

So i did get on the scales again and they were 86.2 kilos -eek! Admittedly yesterday they were 88.3 kilos so im starting to make inroads. The last 3 weeks has really highlighted to me no matter how much weight i lose i will always battle these food addictions and those psychological attachments to feeling good i have with food will prolly always exist and its all part of that goal of mine of getting things in moderation and with a healthier relationship food :) Apart from a better food relationship my goals for the year is to get back to training 100%, losing another 14-18 kilos...and fitting in to the medium sized lorna jane flashdance pants so they are loose enough to wear when training.

Food was spot on yesterday and so far today its good as well. Today cos im not 100% and i need to get all better for work tomorrow im not exercising today...hopefully tomorrow ill be okay to exercise....cos of course as well as the sunstroke several days now without diet coke so the headache could be related to that as well!

Fiona did talk to my normal physio about my back...been told no crunches....that i can do the boxing class but no punching at bags just "shadow boxing" as such...so ill look like a dork lol but at least i can get back to it in some form. So back to the gym on tuesday and back into things as much as i can (still no body pump of course) altho right at the moment the big focus is on this run on jan 13!

Have a fab new years everyone!!

Good day :)

Well today has been a good day :) I woke up and the number on my scales was AWFUL lol maybe ill post tomorrow mornings results lol. Anyway went into town met up with fiona ...we ran from the zoo to the weir along the torrens which was 2.17km...then did squats, tricep pushups, pullups, and then we went back...not sure how much we ran...maybe 750 metres to 1km? My foot was playing up so i kinda took it easy plus i was dying! I then walked into the mall and then home again...all up i burnt 1724 calories no doubt aided by todays heat (38 degrees) Right now I am so dog gone tired...soooooooooo exhausted....about to have a protein shake then tonight its italian before a early nite. Yeh i know im not the party animal for NYE im more interested in waking up tomorrow morning refreshed and ready to tackle 2012. Crazy to think this year has gone. But i am really looking forward to reaching goals and all that 2012 will bring me....even considering reactivating my pink sofa membership!

This running thing is really bloody hard...surely one day its gotta improve....just doesnt feel like i am making any progress in that area YET!

Anyway a quiet nite for me...hope everyone who visits my journal has a safe and happy NYE....ive had LOTS of private messages from people off track lately...tomorrow is the perfect time to get back on track and create the life you want...make sure you make the most of it :)

Well time to get serious. My birthday is over - i dont go out for NYE so theres no more festivities so back into everything tomorrow morning. Back to tracking.Ive gained AT LEAST 5 kilos...to scared to get on the friggin scales lol but my LJ flashdance pants are tight...eek! And the jeans i bought just on saturday are too tight too :( But you know...what goes up must come down!

So as i mentioned i am training with fiona till the resolution run...so we are training tomorrow morning. Tomorrow night i might even go check out the steps at the nth adelaide football club...should be quiet if i go around 6pm...presuming its not too hot. Sunday morning i am planning to start the year perfectly right by walking into the city...walking around the torrens and home again...im figuring that will work out to be at least a 10km walk. Whilst i still havent got the all clear to do "any" exercise...next week i am getting back into things at the gym. The gym is closed monday ....but the rest of the week will be :

tuesday : 7 flights of stairs + 2km run (treadmill) + weight exercises
wednesday : 7 flights of stairs + free style cycle class
thursday : step + body balance
friday : 7 flights of stairs + 2km run (treadmill) + weight exercises
saturday : train with fiona

Everytime i sit down to work out my exercise routine since i hurt my back frustrates me...previously i would just slot in the classes i could make and that i enjoyed...now cos several i cannot do and also crunches are a no go now so i end up getting frustrated, i can only run and run up stairs a certain amount of time before i am going to go off the deep end :( This is where the fact that im not the type of person who goes into the gym uses cardio equipment then does their lil weight work out then goes home...really works against me...while i dont really "enjoy" working out...i do find the classes easier to get thru.

Anyway enuff rambling....best get organised for some sleep so i have some chance of having some energy for tomorrows training

My attitude to food :)

Ive still been thinking lots about what I want as goals as 2012. I truly think 2011 was a really good year :) I want to get down to 72 kilos by the end of May and then once there make a decision on whether I want to go further down or not (so another 11 kilos) I want to fit into a medium pair of Lorna Jane flashdnce pants and have them fit loose enough that I can work out in them. To run a 5km run (ahhhhhhhhhhh that may be a dream!) ... to challenge myself with different things at the gym...bootcamp...maybe the running group. And most of these things are all measurable goals....the big one that I have been thinking about lately and which is not measurable...is my attitude to foods. When i started on this journey, the only vegetables i ate was potato, tomatos and onions LOL. Late 2009 i remember sitting down with Fiona and having this conversation where she said...go try one different vegetable which you have no misconceptions of. So i bought a eggplant....and actually liked it! Since then fiona and i discuss food quite regularly...readers of my journal would know i got very interested in organic foods...and started trying more foods. Over the last few weeks ive had a few chats with Fiona about how she maintains her weight without tracking food....what i realise more and more from these chats we have is that she has such a "healthy" attitude to foods...she eats lots of different foods...when going out for dinner will look for vegetarian options or fish...(not creamy laden pasta dishes like me!) She looks outside the box not sticking to the same things all the time...and aiming for a big variety...yet she will still if having a night out will have a glass or two of wine and maybe even some GOOD chocolate...i know my eating has improved a lot over the last few years. But i think it can still improve more. The last 6 months or so ive had the same breakfast and same lunch nearly every day. I wanna get back to having more variety...more foods...more barley...quinoa...a wider variety of fruit...fish...different salads...i think for this reason the 12wbt will be good for me as the meal plans are set...they will take a bit more preparation but im sure i can manage that. So once the 12wbt program finishes i will hopefully have more calorie friendly meals...hopefully it will lead me to discoverring more foods...and i really wanna focus on the attitude of food being what it really is and that is fuel .... but also learning to enjoy in moderation....trying new recipes (going to give that a whirl on my birthday not going for the normal food options!), not having chocolate every day (god this is worse then my diet coke habit i think!!)...i really do see fiona as a mentor and the more i talk to her the more i realise i hope more and more her attitudes to food and eating rub off on me. Im hoping with this focus i will slowly focus more on the nutrition AND fitness side of things. I want to get to that point where i dont look at it like "oh its xmas so i mite as well go have hungry jacks" or "ill just have this chocolate i will be back on track tomorrow" i want my mind to be healthy about it....and for it to lose importance in my life..."eat to live not live to eat".... January 1 i am going to start counting 1200 cals and following michelle bridges crunch time plan....cannot believe only 3 more days of the year left!!!

Work was hectic as today! GAWD thankfully tomorrow is my friday and then three days of again!! YAY!!

I have got in contact with a girl who is doing 12WBT who lives only a few streets away! So with luck we will get along and i will have someone to do a workout in the local area once or twice a week :) I am very sore from yesterdays training session with Fiona...my inner thighs are so sore...dread to think how they will feel tomorrow!! JEEPERS

Back into it....

I am so glad I got back on track yesterday and didnt delay it till January 1 :) Yesterday morning the scales said 86.3 kilos. Yesterday I ate 1425 cals and burnt 400 cals with a 6.77km walk. This morning the scales had dropped back to 84.1 kilos :) My goal is to be under 82 kilos on January 1...not sure how I will go with that LOL, considering friday is my birthday lol but Im going to be on track every other day and planning to do body combat on the morning of my birthday. This morning i met up with Fiona and we trained for a hour...lots more running...50 tricep dips...some back stretches and pushups...630 calories burnt :) More then happy with that. Must admit the running was super hard today. I mean its hard anytime for me lol but today even harder! lol Im loving training with Fiona outdoors ... nice being outdoors in the freshair....still torturous tho lol.

My back has been really good the last few days....I expect its due to not sitting at my desk for 8 hours a day. I have to work 2 days then another 3 days off so hopefully that will all help. Ive been thinking about goals after reading lots of forum posts for the 12WBT i think a big one is going to be to wear size medium lorna jane (of course!) flash dance pants so they fit me loose enough so i can work out in them. I currently wear size XL and work out in them. The size L fit me but not loose enough to work out in yet. I realised too when thinking about this that i thought the smallest size for my butt would be a size 12. Size 10 has never been a thought to me....its weird to think im in size 14 now...(altho only just)and the next step is a size 12! One of the trainers at the gym once told me...when you get to size 10-12 stop the scales...I doubt i will do that...but its crazy to think i am getting close to that. The other thing i have noticed....is i can feel my hip bones when lying down...i noticed today i can when im standing up wooo hooo!!!!

Tonight im cooking something a bit different....(one of the reasons i am doing 12WBT is to get more meal ideas!) so im going to cook up some barley, add some bacon and capsicum, mushrooms, spring onions etc...hopefully it will be yummii!

Christmas Day

Its xmas afternoon. This has been a interesting week or so. Ive been off track altho not awfully so. The main damage has been eating too much chocolate and eating carbs at night. What i am discoverring is most of these foods i thought i missed...i dont really miss..I went to mums for dinner friday night. Mum hasnt cooked a real turkey for years....but mum, myself and my sister became converts to "turkey roll"...i had it at mums on friday nite....and realised it is so processed and just not as tasty as i imagined. It was fine to eat but not that yummy. I decided not to have it today. Along with my bad eating i decided to have takeaway for lunch yesterday....2 of my faves have always been kfc and hungry jacks bacon cheese burger...i went with the hungry jacks and all i can say is BLURGH....the chips were all dry and yucky and the burger really was not tasty as all...id prefer a home made burger any day. I have now got to the point of missing "feeling hungry" its like ur constantly full from all this grazing...and its a horrible, heavy feeling as well as feeling lethargic....HATE IT! Im getting back on track in the morning...i dont plan to eat much for the rest of the day i feel so freaking heavy....its gross :(

Xmas day has been very quiet. My mum gave me money as i mentioned yesterday and i bought jeans, my sister and her kids and hubby gave me a purse, necklace, card game and the best present EVER a traditional skipping rope! Made of actual rope with wooden handles...OMG i love LOVE love it....hehe (doesnt take much to make me happy eh?) I did 253 jumps with it this morning (Fiona has told me to do 1500 jumps with a skipping rope this week....eek!) My sisters kids got ipods....so did facetime with my niece today lol was cute as hell she is walking around the house chit chatting to me about what she got....then says to me "what did santa bring you" LOL soooooooo damn cute!!!

I jarred my neck this morning...second time ive done it since i was last at the physio...not sure why its happening (its actually the 3rd time since i started to get back pain) im guessing its related but its annoying...and of course painful and makes me worry im never going to fully get over this back issue.

Tomorrow morning i will weigh in and get back on track. Time to start preparing myself for 2012 and all the goodness and hard work it will bring :) I know the scales are up...im guessing 85 kilos at the moment (yes eek!!!) my aim would be to at least be down to 82 kilos by january 1.

Enjoy you christmas all :)

Xmas Eve :)

WOW xmas eve...seems like just yesterday it was the start of the year!!! Food wise i havent been so good...have discoverred a few things....hungry jacks is not all its cracked up to be! Had it and thought BLAH couldnt believe it i use to love their food lol Im also missing being hungry at meal time....i tend to graize.....and i seriously miss those hunger pains. Exercise wise tho ive been super good!!! My back seems to respond so good when i exercise...when i go 24 hours or so with no exercise i tend to get stiff and the pain worse. So thursday night i did body balance. Friday morning i ran 2kilometres (yes me!!!) then did body combat....then i trained with Fiona today (YAY!!) we did a 2km run @ a speed of 8 .... then i "jumped" 500 times with a skipping rope (broken up into 2 x 200 jumps and 1 x 100 jumps) then i did 12 pushups with my feet on a bench ... my goodness never done that before !!! Somehow i managed it altho i wasnt going down very low.

I then went shopping...mum gave me money for xmas and i wanted jeans. Ive always worn target jeans...so was super exciting to get some from jeanswest (went to buy them at just jeans but their customer service sucked so they werent getting my money) the guy at jeanswest was fabulous....so i got two pairs both size 14!!! YAY Then wandered to rebel sport got 3 new workout outfits. Adidas and Running Bare ones...all size 10 :)(Progress pic of black jeans and one of the tops below), I then bought also some resistance bands and two new books (a karin slaughter one...and the sweet poison one on sugar in your diet) Great shopping day!!

I am going to map out a 2km run to do in the morning using my runkeeper program to track it ! Then prolly tomorrow afternoon i will do a 6km walk (need to keep this back moving!!), and possibly tuesday me and Fiona are going to go and do a outdoor run...really working on getting ready for this run on January 13!

I have some plans for next year....one of them is getting my own website up which Fiona and her partner are helping with (okay they are actually doing it! lol) :) and also want to look at possibly doing some motivational ABN number yesterday YAY :) so thats another step closer to things.

Ive planned some treats for tomorrow :) Ham and cheese croissant for breakfast with chocolate milk. Lunch roast chicken and pasta salad. Not going to have any bread or anything. Strawberries, bananas and blueberries. My "dessert" i bought 6 mini mud cakes decorated like xmas puddings....they are about the size of a 20 cent piece...i figure they will equal approximately one slice of mudcake but ill feel like im eating more cos there is "six" of them. The only other thing ive got is some jatz and french onion dip. So i am certainly having some treats but im not going nutso. And December 26 back on track. Going to track on my iphone with myfitnesspal its set the calories at 1430 and ill do that till 12WBT starts :)

Run kazz, run....

I signed up for michelle bridges 12wbt today. I need to now sit down and read thru their forums....lots of info within that forum i suspect. Had a good food day today and burnt 700 calories tonite. Went out running with a friend....we ran 1.75 km then took a small break which involved some tricep dips and tricep pushups against a bench (does that count as a break?????) then we ran the 1.75km again....second time i got a stitch and had to stop but apart from that it was good. I really didnt think id finish one lot of the 1.75kms so pretty impressed i did that :) Wonder how sore I am going to be tomorrow? I suspect sore thighs lol I must say after barely doing any exercise for close to a month thanks to this injured back i was very, very impressed with how well I did :)

Tomorrow nite im back to the gym for body balance. Think it will be good to do a good stretch on these legs of mine!! LOL Must admit i am ready for xmas to be done with lol. I jsut wanna try and maintain and get to the end of the year and get stuck into things again starting January 1. I think come Jan 1 i will cut back to 1300 cals and attempt YET AGAIN to cut out the diet coke lol....i really would like to get down to 72 kilos by end of May.

My physio rang me today to see how I pulled up after body balance. Ive had some pain today so ive made a appointment to see her again next thursday after work. (only time i could get). I asked her about doing combat and she said i should be fine with that so will give that a whirl friday morning.

Ohhhh I got my iphone!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Now just need to buy iphone cover etc and then i will be ready to start using it and giving out my new number (thats a pain in the ass!) but very happy with it...its soooooooo pretty hehehe :)

Okays these old legs of mine need a nice long shower after tonights exercise...enjoy your night all

Back to the gym :)

Went to the gym this morning...yep actually got my ass out of bed early. Ran 1km on the treadmill then did a 60 min body balance class. So burnt 525 calories. Today was a lot better day...i had one fun size mars bar...(which i always allow myself after the gym) but no caramello bears or freddo frogs etc so thats a plus :) I noticed too i wasnt so preoccupied with food today. So that was good. Tomorrow i am going running outside with a friend....have mapped out a 1.7km run...ive only ever run about 1km outside (apart from shuttle runs) so will be bloody interesting to see if i make it. I was telling ryan about it today (in other words whining about the fact i was going to do it) and he was like i bet you come in on thursday and say u did it plus a extra 300 metres to make it two kilometres,,,,ass,,,,now i feel i gotta LOL otherwise i look like a weenie...anyway we will wait and see. Then thursday night will do body balance and maybe a short 1km run...might just go a lil faster. I am really so far from being able to run 7.5km...not sure how this is all going to go. The body balance and running is going fine...i know part of my issue is my head space that i am worried i am going to hurt my back again. Everytime i think about weights i think nope not going to do them again cos i dont wanna hurt my back, and i know i cant have that attitude long term. When i think about doing 12wbt one of the things that puts me off is the workouts i am worried i wont be able to do. I know theres beginner programs,,,,i am meaning i am worried i will hurt my back again. Hate this cos ive never been worried about hurting myself before...but hate the thought of hurting my back again.

Anyway onto more exciting things...my iphone left the warehouse today! I am suppose to be recieving it tomorrow....im very excited!!! Ive wanted one for so long...but specially for the running apps!!! Anyone know of any good running or fitness apps apart from runkeeper or nike....lemme know!

Getting my head back on track!

Im giving myself a bit of a kick in the butt. When i got my injury i initially maintained my weight by continuing to eat around 1300-1400 cals. But then i got peeved. So i did a few things i shouldnt do...firstly i decided i was going to cut my snacks out. I then also threw in a no carb day...it worked...i got under 80 kilos. I had another no carb day yesterday....and today have eaten carbs, carbs, carbs and more carbs. You would think i would learn. When i cut out my snacks...and ive been doing this for the majority of the last 7-10 days...ive only been eating 900-1000 calories. The cutting out the snacks probably isnt that big a concern if you eat decent size meals...but i only have a sandwich at lunch....and dinner is only a piece of meat (about 180 grams raw), some kind of vegetable (mushrooms or cherry tomatos as a rule) and 30 grams of feta cheese. In fact most of those days i prolly wasnt even hitting 900 cals. Yup just checked...was a smidgen under 900 cals. Which was stupid of me. I had this thought process of one...just wanting to get to goal....two...well if people who have weight loss surgery eat under 1200 cals then surely i can survive doing it. But its basically put me in a bad cycle...yesterday i ate no carbs and didnt even hit 900 cals...and today i wanna eat every carb in site. One of my other problems is chocolate...which seems to be freaking everywhere at the moment, i have never been a big chocolate eater in the past but i certainly seem to be wolfing the stuff down. Its nothing else i am eating bad...everything else is good foods...but i think ive kinda caused this myself ive restricted myself so much but i can get a freddo frog for under 100 calories so i can fit that in. When in reality i would be better to have some fruit. I have read frequently recently that if you eat your BMR (mine is a lil over 1500) and then burn on average 500 cals per day you theoretically should lose half a kilo a week. I also remember when reading Jillians book on losing the last 10-20 pounds (i want to lose some where between 8 pounds and 25 pounds) anyway she talked about how when you fall into that category you should lose slower and not have as big calorie deficit. She recommended 500-700 calorie deficit per day. so if i was to follow the theory of eat at your BMR so 1500 cals...and aim to burn 500 cals on average per day...i would end up about where JM recommends. So im going to go back to 1500 cals of good wholesome food. Im also going to work on cutting out this bloody chocolate...not so much worried about drinking a hot chocolate or having a chocolate flavoured protein shake but the chocolate itself. Im gonna try and just get to xmas day with no chocolate...baby steps people! And the other aim is to start to get the exercise going. The fact of the matter is im really not in a rush to get to goal. And i think its going to be much healthier if i go there slowly...while i do always hold this huge emphasis on what the scales say i really am going to try and not let small losses or stay the sames or even fluctuations bug me too much....maybe that should be my new years resolution!

I should have gone to the gym tonite. But finding it hard to motivate myself to go simply to do "cardio equipment". Ive never been a lover of the gym...but bloomin cardio equipment is my least favourite...talk about boring the crap out of me. But with not doing pump or boxing anymore...and knowing i do actually have this run i should be getting myself organised a lil bit with i know i need to start working on the cardio, specially as i have sat on my ass for the last 3.5 weeks. This week i am on lates...i can actually get to the gym at 7am and not leave till 8am and would make it to work, tomorrow and friday morning there is classes i could do...body balance tomorrow and body combat on friday. I would say there is RPM on thursday too but im not a fan of RPM and not a fan of the instructor so will skip that. BUT wednesday and thursday morning i GUESS i could plop myself on that bloody cardio equipment. I could at least do 45 minutes. On top of that thursday nite ill do body balance, wednesday nite im gonna do some outdoor running stuff, and tomorrow nite could do some cardio stuff. That would see me off to the end of the week (friday nite am off to mums since i wont see her xmas day). Saturday morning ill do "something" as well...maybe more outdoor stuff. This really is up to me. I need to get my head in the game...eating wise i need to get back to eating enough regularly and eating good foods....and i really need to start to adapt to exercise now its different cos of my back. Why cant everything just be bloomin simple???? hehe

I am off work for 4 days this weekend like a damn normal person which i cannot wait for.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh and i ordered a iphone!!! OMG EXCITED!!! I have thought about getting one for sooooooooooo long. I normally dont have a plan im on prepaid but you cant get a iphone on prepaid and even the androids i dont think are recent ones. So last nite thought bugger it....so i have actually ordered a 32GB WHITE 4S...should arrive on wednesday...cannot wait...already know ill be getting the nike and runkeeper apps so i will know distances i am running and walking...no more guessing for this girl! Ive currently got a nokia e63 its done me good....but its starting to freeze bit...so definitely time for a new one! Oh AND am getting a kindle for xmas!!! Was hoping to get that book "sweet poison" on kindle...but not available :( but ive already created a wishlist of books on amazon lol so i think xmas day may be spent eating and reading (and some form of exercise i guess! lol)

And no one die of shock but i am seriously thinking about setting one of my goals for 2012 to get my licence! That and start the PT course...i keep thinking about that one....and then keep thinking...i prolly wouldnt see it thru so dont bother.

Back to the gym tomorrow. Im glad to be going back but a bit annoyed i cant throw myself back into things. Suspect now i got the injury thru the impact of hitting a boxing bag in my boxing classes (i was doing 1-2 hours boxing per week) or from incorrect form in pump or lifting too high a weight in pump. Which leads me to not doing boxing at least for a while...and not doing pump...so basically im not doing weights....not really sure long term what i will do in relation to that....really dont wanna risk doing weights unless im with a trainer and i dont wanna do PT, and have no intention of doing pump classes. Which really doesnt leave a huge number of classes for me to do that i dont mind....cycling (and theres only one free style cycling class per week as im not a fan of RPM), body combat and body balance. The "dance" style classes im not a fan off...altho i will do bodyjam tomorrow...mostly because its the only class i can make (except for pump in the morning which is out of course) The frustrating thing in this all...is i expected as i got closer to goal and while at goal and maintaining i would be increasing the weight work NOT cutting it out. Whilst step is one that could be do-able i dont like doing it cos i can never keep up with the choreography. Soooo it kinda cuts out most classes i was previously doing....only cycling and body balance of my previous plans am i still going to do....and i only use to do each once a week. Then i wonder if i should just stick to doing dvds etc at home...Jillian has a yoga one which would prolly be a good one to do....so at this stage really not sure what ill do exercise wise once the new year starts (really the next few weeks is mostly going to be me trying to get my back moving more...wish that wasnt the case...wish it was going to be about running...and burning huge amounts of calories....and body shaping...but alas :()

I have considered doing michelle bridges 12wbt....not for the group work or any of the social aspect....not interested in that at all....mostly just for her 1200 calorie menus....exercise wise id prolly be stuck with the same situation...a pile of stuff i cant do without risking my back again.

Went out for dinner last nite with Martine...major carb overload LOL but was super yummy and great company :) Today im doing a no carb day.

Tonights been interesting. I am going out for dinner with Martine tomorrow night. So decided to go thru my wardrobe (i give most of my clothes to martine when they no longer fit) anyway....so i pulled out a long halter neck dress (see pics below) size 12 and it fits. Front on it looks pretty good...side on i can see my tummy and ass need work. Then i found a long size 14 straight cue skirt...made of this gorgeous material. I had forgotten about it. Last time i tried it on it was too tight around my tummy and hips....anyway so i pulled it on expecting it to be tight still...but it wasnt!! Slid it on .... threw a singlet on with it and thought i looked okay (see pic below) i took a photo and looked at it....and was astounded. Its the first time ive worn a straight skirt in years and years. My hips dont look terribly huge or out of proportion and looking at that picture makes me realise....if i never lost another gram of weight .... that would not be the end of the world. Now dont get me wrong...i still wanna lose another 11-12 kilos...in some ways thats up to my body...while "68 kilos" sounds like a nice number to get too...i do have excess skin...i might get to 70 or 72 or 75 or even 77 and might body may decide its not gonna budge any further....and if that happens....thats actually okay....no matter what weight or when i get to it....i still have lots of toning to do...whether i end up at 68 kilos 0r 77 kilos....the next few years will still be me reshaping my body...toning up more....building some muscle....and growing stronger...so its a bizarre feeling to think i dont HAVE to see the scales go further down...to think "im healthy" i set out on this journey to get healthy....to not become confined to my home....to stop getting kidney infections and bronchitis all the time....to go out on dates....to live a active life...and to get some resemblance of a social life....and you know what??? Ive got those things...i might not have the number i hope for yet....but the bigger picture is ive done what i set out to do....dont get me wrong im not suggesting im at the end of the journey.....i dont think i ever will be....but i feel like im at a different stage of the journey....not quite at maintenance...but getting incredibly close....and after taking care of this injury...my focus i guess now is more on body shaping....and meeting some fitness goals like running.

My back is better today too! So i think body balance last nite helped! That combined with physio of course.... :) Its nice not taking pain killers anymore LOL...i hated that drowsy feeling...doing nothing but sleep and working.

Back to the gym :)

Well i survived a work day with no painkillers YAY :) My physio rang me today to check how i was...she told me "move your back but respect your body" so thats what i am doing :) Ive been all thinking i need to get back into the running quick smart cos im worrying about the resolution run in 4 weeks....but really my focus needs to be simply focusing on moving my back more. So while normally my focus is calories burnt, calories burnt, calories burnt...especially the next week or so my focus will be to do a class most days,,,,and ill stick to just a hour or so per day. No crazyness just yet ;) So next week my plan will be:

mon - body jam
tues - body balance
wed - not sure yet
thur - body balance
fri - body combat
sat - might do some running drills

Have decided no boxing or pump for a while. Starting to suspect it is the boxing that bought this injury on....so leaving that for a while.

I went on the treadmill for 15 minutes before body balance....when i was going my normal speed on that i could feel it on my back so had to go pretty slow. Body balance i really didnt feel my back the entire time :) but has been a bit tender since...altho mostly tender the first 10 minutes or so. I dont think the pain is a bad thing....just need to ensure im not getting the real sharp pains.

Work put on a free bbq at work for lunch today....i had some of it....not a lot...just a patty, a sausage, some bread and a lil bit of potato salad.

Weigh In Result - 79.5 kilos!!! :) :)

Well today has been a fab day!!! I woke up and TA-DA 79.5 kilos on the scales!!! So I have now lost 91.4 kilos (201 pounds) Im so relieved to have reached that mark. I then went shopping :) Went to rebel sport bought two tshirts...a adidas and a running bare one...both size 10 :) and i then went to Lorna Jane...put a top on order...and then bought 2 pairs of flashdance pants....they are a size smaller then my current ones....still tight...definitely show of my fat thighs but ready for me to wear when they fit nicely....they were on special 2 pairs for $100 so couldnt pass them up at that price....plus they gave me a $20 gift voucher to use in January :) I also went op shopping...bought 4 new tops....all size S and XS :)

Then i went to the physio....turns out i sprained my vertebrae facet joint....she manipulated it....and told me to get back to the gym LOL so fabbbbbbbbbbbbb news!!! Basically she said thats the only treatment i need...gave me some exercises to do at home. She told me i will prolly feel like its a lil bruised tomorrow and may feel twinges etc when working out but not to be scared its the movement i need.

I realised something really bizarre today too!! Im not a touchy feely person. I normally avoid hugging people at all costs...but i have noticed lately im getting better at this with friends etc when they hug me. Anyway....so i know my physio shes my body combat instructor (and yeh she is kinda good looking ;) lol) anyway at the end of the session and when i was leaving she gave me a hug and i didnt freak out or try to avoid her or anything crazy...i really am changing!! LOL

Below is a couple of pics from todays clothes....the pants are tight fitting so not overly attractive :)

Some changes...

My scales were up to 82.2 kilos yesterday morning...so i am trialling something i had considered for a while...yesterday i ate 1150 calories...leaning towards carb foods....today i am having a carb free day (except for the carbs in my vegies) so when i tracked it 6% carbs which is tiny compared to my normal 35-40% carbs and im sticking around 1000-1100 cals. The main thing i am doing is cutting out my snacks. Eating 1300 calories i was obviously maintaining my weight...obviously not exercising i need less cals...so i am changing it around a bit...tomorrow i will eat 1300-1500 cals...so im basically doing that cycle this week...will see what the scales do....if they dont move much...then ill just go back to calorie cycling 1250 cals next week. But knowing my body i think it will respond REALLY well to the no carb days...which will only be 2 a week. So breakfast today was 2 eggs with feta, tomato, milk, and baby spinach all scrambled (i love eggs :)) then for lunch i am going to make a tuna and feta and vegetable fritatta. Dinner will be steak and vegetables. As a side note my scales did drop back to 81.3 kilos...the fluctuation I am sure is related to my cycle being due.

My back seems quite good today...very little pain (last had painkillers on sunday morning) not sure if its cos the painkillers may still be in my system or it is actually improving. Have noticed since the massage on friday i have been getting a "tingling sensation" in the muscle...no idea if that is good or bad...but so far today seems good...the real test will be tomorrow. Tomorrow arvo i am seeing the physio too so will have a good idea about what exercise i can do....and how i can build up my exercise again without redamaging it. Really would like to get back to exercise ASAP but not at the expense of delaying the recovery.

Today and tomorrow I am off work...housework, washing and resting today :) Tomorrow im off to Lorna Jane! To get some of the clothes i currently want LOL just saw they have another new singlet i want....geeeeeeesh!!! I love that they constantly bring out new stuff....lol my bank account doesnt love it so much....plus this month they have 2 pairs of flashdance pants for $100 so im off to buy a couple of pairs in size Large....Im currently wearing XL they are rather loose on my but i love the way they fit...but while they are cheap i want the size Large ones...im also going to buy AT LEAST one new top...maybe two hehe ;)

This injury is turning out to be VERY frustrating. Im tired of being sleepy from pain killers, im tired of living the whole....work...rest...eat...sleep... i miss the gym itself and just living a more active life. I hate knowing its prolly going to be several weeks at least till i have another loss :( I mean I am maintaining my weight so i know thats good but gawd dammit i just want to get under 80 kilos...it feels like getting under that would be the hardest thing. Altho i realise if i was exercising i quite possibly would be there by now :( I realise the bonus is that i am maintaining my loss and not gaining...but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! its kinda like everything ive been working for is kinda onhold...i know its not...not really...and it is what it is....and maybe this injury is my bodies way of saying it needs a rest (clutching at straws anyone lol)

Plus my cycle is due in a few days...so just gotta remain very focused to ensure no bad eating...maybe once my cycle is gone i will dip under 80 kilos (can only hope right?)

Working today...hanging out for 5pm tomorrow when ill get 2 days off and physio appointment wednesday afternoon :)

Update on my back :)

Well my back does seem to have improved slightly. I saw a massage therapist today and he did trigger point massage on it...his gut instinct is i have damaged the intercostal muscle which is the muscle between the ribs if not that (and he doesnt believe this is likely) a hairline fracture of one of my ribs. He basically has told me to see a physio (i have a appointment on wednesday), that i can do stretching exercises (so im guessing body balance) but no exercise where my heart rate goes above 50% of my maximum heart rate and no building of muscles currently. So in one sense its good news...just that i am limited. I have some very wise and educated friends on facebook who have also given me some advice...to take about 6 deep breaths every hour as well as some deep coughs (as this hurts to deep breath it can lead to fluid on the lungs) and heatpack and resting. From what I have read on the internet it takes usually 3-6 weeks to heal....it will be two weeks on sunday for me. So the fact it has improved a lil the last few days seems to be a good sign. Ive tried to be a hero and avoid taken pain meds....but i think i am understanding now its more important to keep the pain at bay and ensure i keep deep breathing. So as i am working thru till monday i will keep the painkillers up. Tuesday i am off and i will not take pain killers that day at least initially to guage how its going. (If it is painful i can always lay down till painkillers kick in) My priority is getting over this and getting over it properly. I will be very glad to see the physio on wednesday (she is a fitness instructor from the gym) as she can hopefully give me a real clear guidance in relation to exercise.

In relation to food and the scales....i must say i really am SO impressed with me. For 3 months i have been up and down between 80 and 85 kilos. The first couple of days of this injury my weight got up to 84.4 kilos....i then knuckled down foodwise and been pretty much perfect 90% of the time...and have stayed between 80.1 kilos and 80.7 kilos....so not under 80 kilos which i am dying to hit but at time where i have pain killers in my system, no exercise and frustrations and pain with this injury i just feel i have done really REALLY well and for me thats kinda huge. I am busting to be able to throw myself into everything....but im on this journey to get the healthiest body i can if i have to take things slow and be careful to ensure the end result is that i do have the healthiest body im able to have....then thats what I will do! :)

Whats more important nutrition or exercise?

So I was asked recently what is more important "diet or exercise" I did respond to the friend briefly on my thoughts but decided it was a good topic to blog on. So firstly I dont think the answer is limited to just those two options....so to be successful at weight loss here is what I think is needed...

1. Firstly your headspace. For me i knew the negative talk was what would put me off track again and again. When I got bronchitis back in 2006 and knew i was going to start back at ww my sister sent me her copy of dr phils weight loss solution book over to me. In it is a section on negative talk. For me I felt it was key, especially in the beginning. I kinda trained myself for anytime (especially in the beginning) when i started to think negatively to not allow my brain to actively think about the negative thought. Not as simple as it sounds but it worked for me. So i guess (and we are all different) is working out the headspace, realising you REALLY want to be healthy. Whether it means seeing a counsellor, doing reading on it, writing in a journal, ... determine what it is about the "mental" aspect that has let you down in the past (ie while you may have seen previous weight loss attempts as failures....they really arent....they are a tool to improve) and come up with strategies to overcome this.

2. Build a support system....OMG this is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo important...I cannot even begin to stress how important this is. There are many ways to do this, join some online weight loss communities...try either weight watchers Australia or US weight watchers or 3 Fat Chicks. Try and work out what it is YOU need....for me I figured out pretty quickly and early I needed a more "personal" approach which is why I did Personal Training. One misconceived perception I had previously was that personal training is just about exercise....really the exercise to me WASN'T the important component of it all...it was having that one person for 30 minutes once a week whose whole focus was on me and making my weight loss successful. With Fiona for me there was many talks on emotional things and day to day things i struggled with thru out this journey....there was lots of progress made on things such as learning not to hate the gym, my fears (and trust me i had many and still do!), building my confidence etc etc and of course a lot of these are aided by the exercise. Also exercise actually helps the mental aspect. Just think about it...if at the end of the day you can go "wow i did 30 minutes of boxing today" isnt that going to make you feel good? Isnt that going to make you realise you are achieving something? Arent you going to feel just darn plain good about yourself???? Otherways of building support might be joining a team sport, Maybe your partner or you have a friend on this journey as well? Just dont think you can do this completely alone....cos trust me you cannot....we are humans....we need that interaction and we all need support.

3. Nutrition I believe is a huge factor in the scales actually moving once you have the headspace and support system going. What you put in your body will determine how it works. Its no different to a car....you put crappy fuel and no maintenance into your car it wont work well...but the person putting the good fuel in and maintaining their car most likely will have a car that runs lovely. Nutrition really isnt rocket science. The simple answer is everything in moderation (yes even chocolate!), eat what you like, avoid processed foods (cos seriously why on earth would you want to feed your body a pile of chemicals), eat natural foods and organic where possible, eat from all 5 food groups, eat red meat once a week at least, pretty much follow the rule of if it didnt grow in the ground or come from a animal (milk) or have a mother - dont eat it....or eat it in moderation. The other thing is find foods you like....dont start eating foods you dont like cos you wont maintain it. Look outside the box...and find good foods you enjoy!

4. I dont believe exercise makes you lose weight faster. I dont believe it helps the scales move. What it does do tho is it helps tone your body, helps your "mental health" from those feel good hormones, improved cardiovascular system, increase brain function, improves confidence, you become stronger, you are getting out and living more whether out in the fresh air or at a gym, helps with balance, makes stronger bones....I could go on and on. The benefits is endless. You have two options with a weight loss journey. You can get to goal so that the number on the scales is that magical number but your not overly healthy on the insides and what they call "skinny-fat" or you can exercise as well as eat well....and end up with a toned, strong healthy body inside and out...where you not only have the magical number on the scales but internally and externally you are healthy.

To me my journey isnt about getting to that magical number (altho it is part of it!)...what its about is getting a body i am proud of and that glows with health :)

My back still hurts :( I thought the accupuncture might be helping but it seems is just the pain killers. I have a appointment with a guy friday night who comes to our work on friday afternoons to do massages, he does sport massages, trigger point massages etc. Ive heard really good feedback about him...so until then i will keep up the pain killers (tomorrow i am off so can rest my back good) and then fingers crossed he can help me friday afternoon if not im going to see the physio wednesday afternoon...surely one or the other will help..im starting to worry i am never going to get over this :(

Foodwise my eating has been really good. The scales have been fluctuating between 80.1 kilos and 80.5 kilos...so i am as sooooooooooo close to the 70's as you can prolly be without being there lol. I am guessing the lack of exercise and the taking of the painkillers is affecting the scales at the moment ... so hopefully....if i ever friggin get over this back and can stop taking the pain killers the scales will get under 80 kilos.

Not much else going on....im pretty much working, sleeping and resting....very boring life at the moment!!!

My Damn Back.

My back really hasnt been so good today. I have felt very sorry for myself...laying on my back but thinking lots. Last nite i slept on my side instead of flat on my back and think that prolly didnt help. And right now I am on my 3rd dose of pain killers...right at the moment it doesnt feel so bad. But i have decided i am DETERMINED not to let this change me getting to goal....it may be just the way i go about it differs. Yanno it could suddenly be all good tomorrow....or if i be realistic it is a back issue it could be a lot longer. So the next few days when not at work it will be all about resting, and laying flat on my back as much as possible (thats what the doctor recommended). Tomorrow nite i am going for another treatment for accupuncture. And then ill give that a few days if its still sore i will go and see my body combat instructor. She is a physio in her 9-5 job and the fact she will be able to give advice on exercise etc will be helpful. It may be a case i will need to change my focus to things like body balance, and possibly pilates (yuck!) till i get over this properly. If it does take a long time to heal there is a local gym with a pool and hydrotherapy...and their weekly membership is only $10 a week so i mite join it and that way use a pool (not ideal to me....as i am paranoid about slipping getting in and out of the pool...but swimming and possibly aqua aerobic classes mite allow me to exercise and get my heart rate a lil bit up whilst helping my back) I of course wouldnt stop my gyms membership...the goal would be to get back to my fitness classes and things like bootcamp and running etc. The one thing i can control in all of this is my nutrition...so that will be a big focus. Bit annoying cos i want to get to not only goal but to have as toned as body as possible...and this may put a dent into those plans...but i can only try and do my best...getting to goal isnt the issue to me....its the building muscle mass and being as lean as possible side of things thats the issue and also ensuring doing everything possible to ensure this back thing doesnt become a reoccuring issue.

Reflection on 2011 and some goals for 2012

Crazy to think its December! Where the hell has the year gone??? But its a awesome time to reflect on what I did this year and to START to assess some goals for next year.

So what did i accomplish this year?

So far to date ive lost spot on 25 kilos :) Thats a pretty damn awesome average for the year if you ask me....averages out to about 500 grams per week. - A goal I wrote last December for this year was "I am not going to put the expectation on myself to reach goal in 2011...but i certainly wanna aim for a 15 kilo loss with toning of my body...and my health drastically improving. (only need to lose 300 grams per week to meet this)"

I flew to Sydney - climbed the harbor bridge AND had a pedicure (the pedicure was a first lol)

Was in Thats Life Magazine

Was In Lorna Janes Book

Approached to be in the January edition of Fernwoods Magazine

I did go on some dates

Started doing a pile of exercises I never use to do : Jumping jacks, skipping with a skipping rope, running, i now find mountain climbers "easy", and even tho my pushups are far from perfect they have improved.

Rowed 2km in 8mins 58 secs which was pretty damn awesome for me

Climbed up the Westpac Building (30 flights)

Participated in the Mothers Day Classic Walk

Completed the Fernwood Foxy Challenge and was the winner for our team

So what are my goals for 2012?

To get to goal!! No questions asked!!!

Going to Sydney for 2 trips

Go to Melbourne to do the Eureka Climb

Complete the 7.5km Resolution run (and run some of it altho I dont expect to run it all)

Do the mothers day classis AND run it all!

Do one of the gyms bootcamps and do every session

Enter the City to Bay as a runner and run at least 6kms of it

To start my training to be a personal trainer

Oh i have missed my lil journal! My sore back got to the point that sitting up and typing a lot really hurt so i have had to avoid the journal for a bit. But i am SO happy to say my back is definitely on the improve :) I had accupuncture done on it thursday....yesterday it was really painful...and today there is still a lil bit of pain...but it is SO improved...i feel incredible!! :) I have really missed the gym this week. Early in the week when the pain was really bad i actually half felt like cancelling my gym membership...it was so frustrating not being able to even sit up without intense pain. Early in the week my eating went WAY off track too...wednesday morning i was 84.4 kilos!! EEK!!! But i am very happy to say its back down to 80.7 kilos this morning and that goal of being under 80 kilos on the 1st of january is very doable.

My big concern now is getting my back to 100% and avoiding any further injuries. I have the 7.5km run to train for which is in mid january. Im convinced i scored this injury in pump and so have decided no weights until at least mid january. And when I manage to catch Fiona at the gym next ill get her to show me some exercises to help strengthen my back. So between now and mid january it will be cardio, cardio and more cardio!! LOL Altho this week ill take it very easy....no classes or bootcamp....just some walking in my area and on the treadmill....the week after ill start to up the ante a lil. You dont realise how much you get out of the gym till its taken away from you! And even tho im not a lover of exercise...i do miss the environment and the feeling of accomplishing something :)

And with that going to keep this post short as i can feel my back tugging a lil...so back to laying down for me...enjoy your weekend all!! :)